a beautiful blur

I'm positive I have entered some sort of swirly in-between stage in my life. My kids need me all day and that sounds like it could be stressful, but it's really not 95% of the time. It's just a fact. I am a mother all day long and it's totally what I signed up for.

And then at night I get to collapse in a heap of exhaustion and that sounds pitiful, but it's also not 95% of the time. Just another fact. It's a good collapse that comes from a day of giving yourself to two little boys who love you so much.

If I had been blogging the last couple of weeks I probably would have told you about

the whales we saw on one of our favorite family hikes last week

or about the time Ambrose threw up in the car twice in a row on the way to Thai food last night and said, "My burp came out" over and over in a really sad little voice instead of freaking out as we scurried to clean him and his seat up in the coldish rain on the side of the road in Haleiwa

or that I can make fondant now and it's not so hard

or that I have papers to grade but the tests are done

or that Thomas and I hand-stitched a 90x90 bedspread for our new room while listening to episodes of This American Life for three nights in a row

or that I went surfing with my friends on Friday and caught my first wave in like six years, but I rode it on my knees with my arms outstretched like a big, excited, dorky bird and then got worked over and over and eventually knocked in the back of the head. It was awesome. I'm going to regain some upper body strength and paddle out for more.

or that Asher got his third tooth this week and it has been a looooong time comin. The other three surrounding it on top are threatening to either break through soon or ruin his life forever.

or that the dry wall is done on the apartment but now it's going to take even longer before we can move in because my in-laws decided to put in a brand new kitchen and that's a-ok with me because they had me at "dishwasher." Thanks in-laws!

or that I'm signed up to run the Great Aloha Run in a couple weeks but haven't been training at all. And I'm really really looking forward to it.

or that I haven't sewn anything on my machine in over two weeks and don't know when I will ever get to again. Such is life I guess. Betty Jeanne the Machine is a best friend of mine. I know when I get to return we'll pick up right where we left off as old friends do.

OR OR OR that our "my cup of tea sewing society" membership cards arrived weeeeeeks ago and someday we'll have fun with that

BUT

right now my life is a beautiful blur of all these things and the most important point of focus is enjoying each chubby cheek, timeout, block tower, laugh, cuddle, tantrum, treat, nursing session, story time, playdate, baby chuckle, teaching moment, whine, early morning wake up call, piece of toddler logic, and everything in between.

he's like waldo.

when you have children, it's inevitable that one parent is usually missing from a family photo since one parent is usually taking the photo. recently i found not one but TWO pictures of me and my honey. even more surprising? both have a little guy peeking out in the background.


did you spot the ashers? :)

photos from pink week

All unfortunately taken on my camera phone and indoors for the most part. Sorry for the grainy-blurfest. But pink week wasn't that bad. The eye drop four times a day thing was a bummer, but it was a pretty restful, homemade kinda week overall. Lots of stories, and movies, and legos, and music, and kids crafts, and snacks, and singing, and fort building, and even naps. It was ... wholesome. Yep, that's the word I was looking for. Pink eye, you should try it sometime.







It's fun to get all creative at home. If we ever felt stir crazy we hurried outside for a quick spin around the block:
and this picture was from last week, but Asher is just cute.


Anyway, we survived and had fun, but we are looking forward to getting back to the beach and playground and playdates with friends too!

OH! and sewing society pals- the membership cards should be landing in my mailbox today or Monday! Yeah, I ordered them instead of making them. Vistaprint is cheap and I don't really enjoy making paper things. What of it. :)

love is an ocean, i'm anchored in you.

It's up to me to choose how I want to be.

No.1: Had a great day with my babies all day. Pink eye or no. It was just the three of us home all day and it was nice to spread out and have dance parties and build tower after tower and spin around until we had to collapse in a pile of silly laughter- nowhere to be and no one to see- just us.

No.2: The boys eyes are like 98% cleared up already and I never got it. The doctor told me there was a couple different kinds of pink eye and if I haven't gotten it by now, well, things are looking good folks.

No.3: Tonight I ran and ran and ran.

No.4: This afternoon I got to talk to my bff. It was perfect.

No.5: You can be sad. For a month or more. That's just fine. There are reasons to be sad and there is a time and a place for everything, but as for right now I am looking forward to moving forward. I like being happy most and working at it is better than stagnant, blank dissatisfaction.

No.6: Tomorrow we get to support the Nortons and celebrate a sweet little life. I can't easily shake the sadness I feel for them, but maybe that's a good thing. I hug my kids a little more and enjoy the sticky, chaotic, and even sassy moments more fully these days.

No.7: There were a lot of things about my life that were getting me down because they were all out of my control. Let's just accept the things we cannot change ok. There are way worse things than waiting for an apartment to be done...etc.

No.8: My Melissa (or Mama-Lissa as Ambrose likes to call her) brought me cookies. Not only did they serve as an excellent bribe at eye drop time, but they were delicious! Honestly. How nice!

No.9: I get to be married to him. And if I went on, like I like to do, about all the awesome things he does for me and the boys everyday you might think I'm lying so I won't bother. Suffice to say, he keeps us all together with an even tone, a quick wit, and unconditional love. I'm trying to learn from him.

No.10: That's really all I got. Thanks for reading. I'm off to sleep so I can get up and teach elements of the essay in the morning. Aloha.

Pink Eye Warning.

Crap. How did we get pink eye? I have no idea, but yuck. I don't have it... yet. Both the boys do so me and Thomas and all who come in contact with us are soon to follow I am sure.

So, we will be hiding out for 7-10 days. We aren't being anti-social. We just love you and yours too much to pass along the annoyance of putting drops in your kids eyes four times a day.

Dang it.

Bye.

sad and sweet

This has been a heavy week. I have felt so much sadness for my friend and her family with the passing of their sweet baby. If there has been any silver lining in the gloom that accompanies such a tragedy- it is the hope they have radiated, the knowledge that they will be together as a family forever, the love we have all felt for them and for each other and the wake up call it has been for me in my own life. I have been sleep walking for over a month. I have not been happy. Sometimes it was hard to even think of something to post because I feel like I am supposed to be a positive person and I felt anything but. I couldn't even pin down the reason for all the gloom.

One night I laid in bed telling Thomas I was sorry that I wasn't ever happy anymore and while he helpfully suggested maybe it was just hormones (Ha. Thanks honey. Women love to hear that.) I told him I didn't know. It could have been the sloooow progress or lack of progress sometimes on the apartment, the broken van (fixed now), the broken shower (almost fixed now), teething cranky Asher, "assertive" toddlery Ambrose, the cold I had all week...etc. Probably a combination of it all mixed with something more I just couldn't put my finger on. I still don't know. It doesn't matter. We are blessed and life is so good. All of that is temporary and not that bad. Not at all.

This week has taught me that. This week has lifted my face and reminded me to take notice of all that is sweet in my life and there is so much sweetness it is overwhelming.

There is a sadness amongst our friends and in our hearts right now; but the sweetness of our lives: our families, our testimonies of the plan of salvation and life's everyday blessings are sustaining.

my heart has been breaking all day

A local fellow playgroup mom and friend, Natalie Norton, is going through just about every parent's worst nightmare right now and my heart has been breaking for her and her family all day.

I have been praying and praying and praying for her eight week old baby and for her and her husband and three other little boys to find strength and comfort and peace.


Through it all she has kept us all updated with the latest on her blog and through facebook.

She has requested prayers and I would love to help pass that message along. I cannot even imagine what she must be going through right now. Tonight as I nursed Asher to sleep I held him just a little bit longer and felt so much sorrow for her and her sweet little Gavin. I will continue to hope for a miracle.

Thirty Years Awesome.

Hey Thomas!

Our boys want to tell you something:

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY DAD!

and

WE LOVE YOU!

and when did you find the time to get so old?

and now I want to tell you something:

You're a great dad! Most of the time I feel like the kids would be better off if you stayed home with them all day, but you let me take the easy job- so thanks!

and while we are on the subject I hope it doesn't freak you out too bad that you are stuck with me for time and all eternity

because I feel pretty excited about it.

If I had to choose one person to live with on a deserted island I would choose you. Again. I guess it's just lucky for us Oahu isn't too deserted, but it could be fun.

Anyway, what I mean to say is that I love you and I hope you have a great birthday! You deserve a special day for sure- so let's eat carmel brownies until we are sick and go see that Avatar movie at the IMAX in 3D- chahooooooo!