Across the Sea

These days are long.

2012-01-27T15:35:00.007-10:00

I took these one lazy afternoon last week. We have a lot of lazy afternoons now that I am working in the early morning.

I am grateful for this even if I don't always enjoy every second.

My friend sent me a really good article about the life of a stay-at-home mother and how we don't have to seize the day or enjoy and savor every little moment. If this seems confusing or counter-intuitive to what you have been told by magazines, blogs, and other well-meaning moms-- you are in the same boat I was when I first read the article's title, but JUST READ IT and it will make sense.

I love my children and we have happy moments together and I am so glad to be in a position right now where I can be with them pretty much all day long, but it is not always fun, easy, or even completely worthwhile and fulfilling. There are days when I am counting down the nano-seconds until I can toss their whiny little selves into bed so I can get a second of peace, there are embarrassing public displays of tantrums and me losing it in front of a line of childless independents with snide or disapproving looks on their faces, there are frequently more time-outs than "blog worthy" moments, and there are moments of longing for a life outside of my current one. A well-dressed, carefree, late-night out, jet-set kind of life. I will be honest enough to admit that.

But for some reason, no matter how long the day has been or how many times Asher had to hug his brother and say sorry or how many times Ambrose went bat-crazy over treats... I want more. MORE MORE MORE. I want more. And I want to be better and I never, ever want to give up and I want to sneak in their sleepy, dark bedroom to gaze at their puffy cheeks breathing in and out and hold their soft, limp little hands in mine and just breathe in the thick, dreamy air.

I wake up sleepy, but my heart beats faster as soon as I hear their drowsy little voices, groggily asking for something outrageous and just before my temper spikes at such an unreasonable request I catch a glimpse of their wild tufts of bedhead.

These days are long, but not forever, and I do not have to enjoy every single moment, but I am so grateful they are mine.

Spy kid

2012-01-25T10:44:00.003-10:00

The camera was not ready for me when I took this picture, but the spy kid was.

So it's over-exposed and that's fitting for this phase of life right now: Ambrose gets really into things he loves lately and I can't keep up.

Well spent.

2012-01-22T10:59:00.003-10:00

Thomas was gone Thursday and Friday night so I spent my downtime watching TV shows.

I was gone Saturday night and so Thomas spent his downtime doing this.

He is cool.

Speech therapy's working unfortunately.

2012-01-17T23:11:00.006-10:00

I'm mostly kidding, but kind of not.

Today we were indoors for way too long and everyone was feeling the strain of too many hours cooped up together in the same brightly colored space. Every well-meaning decoration in my happy little home was closing in on us menacingly.

Ambrose was getting over some serious nausea from extra asthma treatments he had to have on Monday and it was raining on and off all day so we were trapped. It's not like we're 24/7 beach people anyway, but today indoors was long.

Just when the boys would seem happily occupied with one thing I would hear screaming or scuffling and have to referee. Parents who have two children purposely have one to play with the other so disagreements of any sort really buck against that bullet proof plan. It's so annoying.

Asher is learning to speak. I am elated, but this new-found communicative freedom is also not going according to plan.

3 times today I felt the sting of a child who is learning he has a right to express his opinion.

And it was hilarious.

Example No.1: I hear screams of indignant protest from Ambrose that Asher is ruining his train track and life. I come in and bark, "Asher?! Why? Just stop it." He looks at me and throws a track behind his head sending Ambrose into a shriek that could be heard across America. "ASHER!" I warn him. Asher glares, sticks out his bottom lip and declares, "Baby Mama."

I'm stunned. "Did you just call Mama a baby Asher?"

"Da," he offers defiantly.

Ambrose's fury is immediately replaced by delight as I try and hold back laughter and calmly walk Asher to the time-out chair.

Example No.2: Asher is sitting on his brother's head. Of course.

What started as a hilarious game where they pretend to fall asleep on Asher's bed and wake each other up in wild and raucous ways has now, inevitably, turned violent.

I warn from my room where I am folding clothes, "Ash, get off!" as loud as I can since I need to be heard over Ambrose's dramatic pleas for air. We do not need to spend a whole additional day hanging out at the doctors because Ambrose can't breathe. I'm thinking of us all here, but mostly my sanity.

"ASH!" I give him one more chance.

That's it. I march in his room and pry them apart as Ambrose rolls away like he's just been saved from the jaws of a great white or something.

Asher pouts on his bed in frustration. All he wanted to do was kill his brother and now what?

I poke my head in five minutes later to see him in the same thwarted position.

"Asher, let's go play." I'm a big fan of redirection... in theory.

"Come on Asher boy.... I looooooove you!" This always works. He can never resist saying one of his only two-word phrases in response.

And then, in as low-voice as possible for a very, very tiny human he states, "No, uve-you, Mama."

I'll translate: MY BABY CHILD JUST SAID HE DIDN'T LOVE ME! Not even Ambrose, who has said MANY things has stooped so low.

I just said, "What?!" and he turned the frown upside-down and laughed like he was the funniest person in the world.

Final Example No.3: Asher was being naughty in the tub- splashing and not listening or whatever- so Daddy sent him out in his towel, over to me to help get PJs on.

Immediately I found myself in that scene from Charlottes Web when they gave Wilbur a buttermilk bath and then had to chase him down and wrestle him into the green crate to take to the fair. Asher was some pig alright. He was even squealing while I was struggling to get his diaper on, but then I stopped hearing the blood pumping through my ears long enough to realize that my little piglet was emphatically demanding, "GetOutMama!" over and over and over.

Well I never. I said, "Get out Mama?" and he said, "Da!!" and since we are supposed to give him what he wants in speech therapy if he communicates I finished putting on his diaper and promptly left him to his green crate, or uh, room.

I miss my sweet little mute.

Routine.

2012-01-13T13:45:00.003-10:00

Every morning I wake up at six and try and get five hundred things done including teaching an English class and I have been for the last five days.

So far it's working.

If I get five hundred things done before 8:30 or 9:10 (depending on the day) then I get to come home and do this all day:

It is wonderful.

Also, wanna cure your wildly frustrating case of insomnia? Have five hundred things to do everyday starting from 6AM-8:30AM or so. Problem solved.

No. 12 is good and done! (27 before 28 list)

2012-01-07T17:33:00.012-10:00

Well, we traveled to another island.

My mom and dad came to town and just when we thought it couldn't get any more fun they took us to Kaua'i!

I had never been before and Thomas hadn't been since he was like 14. WE LOVED IT! That probably goes without saying.

It felt nice to get away from it all for four days and three nights of lush green countryside goodness.

Thomas turned 32 on Kaua'i and we stayed at the Marriott Vacation Club resort

and swam, saw Waimea Canyon

, and my mom paid for everyone to go on a booze cruise!

She is probably shaking her head at that last part. She didn't know it would be all about booze, and it really wasn't for us anyway, it was all about whales and more whales and fulfilling my life-long dream of sailing out in the deep blue sea.

Now I just miss my parents. A lot. They are fun, and good, and wonderful. Thanks so much for coming and spoiling us like you do and just doing my heart good. We love you!

I realize I may be speaking to a very specific kinda nerd here...

2011-12-30T08:30:00.004-10:00

but anyone else can't help but think of Sonnet 116 when altering clothes to fit a loved one?

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds..."

What's that? Just Shakespeare's wife and no one? No one then?

Ok, good me neither....

It has become evident...

2011-12-29T22:53:00.007-10:00

1. When I am making designs and patterns up as I go I encounter interesting road-blocks... like, what exactly was my game plan for the straps for these backpacks I made the boys? I still don't know. I will have to make that up sometime when I haven't been making things up all night.

2. I sure do have a "look" I keep going for don't I? What would happen if the next thing I made had nothing to do with anchors, sailing, red, mustard, navy, or turquoise? Would I die?

3. Hours were spent on details my kids won't give a hoot about. I lined this bag and gave it an interior pocket and made sure the top flap was lined... my kids surely won't notice the adorable vintage, nautical fabric inside--they just want to make sure one doesn't have more fruit snacks than the other.

4. It's also apparent that I go to great lengths for even a glimmer of promise of silence at church. That's what these are for. One day a week. Lined and hand-stitched and lined again and my own pattern... for one hour, really, a week. Great lengths my friends.

5. In spite of all these earth-shattering revelations, I still had a fantastic time making these backpacks with good music in the background and the image of how excited they'll be to have something their very own with their names hand-stitched on that their Mama made with love .... and the hope that they'll zip it for a few minutes, I'll take just a few, at church.

Did you watch that video I just posted?

2011-12-29T12:20:00.006-10:00

It explains a little about what Daughters in My Kingdom is all about.

You can click on the title of the book in this post for more info. If you haven't already received a copy in your ward you can go to that link to buy or read a copy and most smart phone owners can even read it on their phone!

I just finished reading it and I cannot recommend it enough. Chapters 4,5,7,9, and 10 in particular if you don't want to read the whole thing, but really the whole thing filled me with such a sense of purpose, light, happiness, and optimism for the future that I suggest you read it all if you haven't already!

Some favorite passages:

"Hold your head high, you wives, you mothers, homemakers. You engender life and enrich it. Don't trade that pervasive force for fleeting, surface trinkets. Cherish it, enlarge it, magnify it. You hold a mighty office" (159).

"Whenever a woman strengthens the faith of a child, she contributes to the strength of a family - now and in the future" (159).

And so many others like it and the history of the women in the church and the countless stories of people who gave so much of their time, talents, and all that they had to help and serve others. Smart women, good women, imperfect but willing women.

I think women are pulled in so many directions today- which can be wonderful sometimes and completely defeating at other times. It is so refreshing to feel a part of something so large and noble that is a part of everyone's heritage. It is empowering to know that not only is this our legacy, but we can also feel the same pure joy by doing all we can to bless the lives of our families and those who need our help- and the amazing thing- in turn we will be blessed too!

Who else has read it? What was your favorite part?

Watch this!

2011-12-29T12:20:00.001-10:00

So this is Christmas.

2011-12-26T21:37:00.004-10:00

After over a month of making all kinds of crafts and singing all kinds of songs and reading all kinds of stories and eating all kinds of treats revolving around Christmas....

the time finally came to put out milk and cookies for Santa

and then try your best to sleep all night long in spite of a four year old coming in and waking you up at 2, 3, and 4:40AM with excitement.

Finally, just before 7AM, Asher couldn't take it anymore so we had to wake up Ambrose (who had finally crashed after being up so much in the night) and thankfully Thomas and his camera captured all the cuteness that is two precious little boys running out on Christmas morning with glee!

I love how busy Asher has been in his new kitchen that fits nicely under the bunk beds. He's been cooking away!

Blurry, but pleased as punch. Thanks to Grandma and Grandpa Hawkins for getting him some nice wooden play food too! I love it so much more than the plastic 1-million piece ugly set I almost got him.

And thank you to G&G Robertson for the Christmas quilts! Grandma Linda kills herself off every Christmas making the most beautiful quilts for the grandkids and it was our turn this year to be the grateful recipients!

Just a jolly holiday all around!

Have you heard of the find the sock monkey game? We love it. It's adorable. Great FHE game for all ages. We played it tonight!
Some stocking loot:
Thomas knows me well and got me a nice set of pinking sheers and an extended fold out table to go with my sewing cabinet for larger projects. I decided not to get a juicer since my in-laws juice for me already and am now spending way too much time deciding wether to get a VitaMix or BlendTec blender.... I just need to go ahead and get one of them already, because they are both great so it's a win/win but still the debate continues! haha
Oh, and here is Thomas before church wearing the Aloha shirt I took fifty years to make for him! HA! He looks handsome in anything, but I am pleased with how it turned out. Lots of blood, sweat, and tears. I will never make one again, but HOORAY! I made one.

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas! We didn't get cards out again this year. I am officially declaring NEXT YEAR FOR SURE! And giving myself 12 months notice to get it done. We sure enjoyed hearing from many of you and seeing your bright, smiling faces so thank you so much! Here's to a great New Years Eve up next!

They shock me sometimes.

2011-12-24T08:17:00.005-10:00

Last year I was trying to get them to wave hello to Santa from afar and they trembled nervously, clinging to me, asking to go home. They wanted to, but he was CLEARLY terrifying....

This year they dragged me over to him, forced me to wait in the longest line ever, endured the annoying little girls behind us in the princess costumes who kept trying to hug everyone/pet Asher's hair/and lay on my feet, and boldly marched up to Santa to tell him they wanted another train set so they could build the biggest track ever (he randomly said that to the school Santa too.... I quickly sent Thomas a text asking him to hurry and pick one up after work or Christmas would be ruined!), and to take sassy pictures with him. Asher, who still is not much for talking, simply pointed silently to the ice cream cone picture on his shirt when asked what he wanted for Christmas before casually mounting Santa's knee like he'd done this countless times before.

Normally I would never pay like $25 for a package of 80s themed, semi-blurry photos, but how could I look into the face of sass and elation and not cave? How I ask you?

Kids are awesome.

Some happy changing and re-arranging

2011-12-20T17:25:00.008-10:00

Just like every other mom I know, I am always re-evaluating what I am doing and how it is affecting my children.

I love my job and have received some pretty clear assurances that I am, in fact, supposed to be an English teacher at BYU-Hawaii. I get joy from it, I learn, I grow, I get to meet some amazing souls, I get frustrated, I get offended, I love it so so much.

But I love my kids way more and it was having a negative effect on my family despite all the positives.

Thomas never complains because he loves that I teach (and I am sure he doesn't mind my paycheck too), so he kills himself off to get home from wherever he is on the island three times a week in the afternoon so I can stop what I am in the middle of doing with the children, shower, try and look presentable, sneak out of the house so the kids don't throw an absolute fit that mommy is leaving again, rush off to find a parking spot on campus, jog to my office, make copies, beat my students to the classroom (not that hard to do), and whew, finally muster up whatever energy I have left into trying to make 20 or so reluctant 18-23 year olds of varying English speaking levels care about what I have to say. Oh, and I have two classes in a row, so lather, rinse, and repeat.

Once two classes are taught I come home and help get dinner made, kids to bed, and collapse. It worked ok, but it wasn't great.

My kids missed me, my husband was starting to look worn out, and I felt frazzled all the time. It just didn't add up.

I think almost every mom in this fabulous economy has to do something or will try to do something to make ends meet. It's just how it is. The trick is to make it work for you as best you can.

My job is usually one hundred percent rewarding and awesome. I feel lucky to have something suited to my needs and talents as a human being, but why am I writing the same blog post about it's problems over and over?

The only real answer I can come up with, is for me, no solution will ever be perfect because I will always feel that I am torn a little. I will always feel guilty for not being able to give more to a job that treats me so well and for missing a single precious moment with my children.

So, again, I am re-arranging and crossing my fingers that this new method sticks. That my children will grow in my brief absence each day and my job performance won't suffer from my obvious preference of my children over my students.

I must say though that I might just have the best boss of all time. Keith Peterson, if you ever read blogs (which I cannot imagine you doing at all sir) just know that you are THE MAN in the very best way. I tell him my troubles, with all apologies for seeming ungrateful, and he makes magic happen for me. I love my job.

Starting January 9th I will be working EVERY MORNING at 7:30AM for about an hour. I will teach a MWF class and a T TH class... that's right, at 7:30AM. I am looking froward to becoming a morning person. I have taught a 7:30AM class before and the kids were surprisingly alert and attentive.

Ambrose will be at school then anyway and Asher will get some quality time with daddy or grandparents. I will be in and out and done.

Most of all I am ecstatic about my free days, evenings, and nights with my family. Uninterrupted. Dinner together. Family home evening all night if we want. FREE. Change will be good- I can feel it.

What should I give the best Sunbeam teachers ever?

2011-12-19T19:19:00.004-10:00

I am really grateful for Ambrose's primary teachers. The certainly do a lot more prep for their lessons than I ever did as a Sunbeam teacher and I am so inspired by them!

Ambrose comes home with all kinds of facts, for instance, out of seemingly nowhere at the dinner table last night, "When Jesus Christ returns the sun and the moon will turn to darkness and the stars..... will fall from the sky."

Me: "Oh my goodness yes that's true I guess wow Ambrose! How did you know that?"

A: "My teachers at church."

Me: "Good for them!"

I need to take them something for Christmas- with all the costumes, crafts, and facts he comes home with they've earned a fruit basket or fudge or something!

I traded my serger in for a juicer. For now.

2011-12-18T08:41:00.007-10:00

I'm as bad as my children when it comes to holidays. I am so excited about all the sparkly, dangling possibilities that I flit around from one enticing option to the next with reckless abandon. But each promise of what could be mine feels as sincere and real as the next- for the week or so that I entertain it's possibilities that is.

First it was a banjo for Christmas. It is No.7 on my 27 before freaking 28 list after all.

I still really do want a banjo and the musical know how, of course. I just wanted a serger more and I never honestly thought Thomas Robertson would entertain the idea of so lofty a gift, but I think he was just relieved to put off the banjo idea for a while. Every time we get out a guitar or ukulele in our house the boys become a little too enthusiastic and they take over. Let's not kid ourselves, no one's learning how to play anything around here until Asher is a little older or until we covert a shed in the yard to an ultra-sweaty practice room or something.

It's a big deal having a serger. You are announcing, loud and clear, to yourself that you are serious about sewing. You are also opening yourself up to a lot of people harassing you about using it, but that's ok. You could start a side business renting it out for a small fee until it paid for itself. You could, but why would you? Wait, this is a serger we are talking about! Stop worrying so much about people harassing you about borrowing it and enjoy the anticipation of all the straight, finished seams that await you! All the easy as pie projects and that professional finish. All the hours you'll spend sweating profusely, hunched over it with a manual, feeling like that Massachusetts couple who were lost in a corn maze and called 911! Help! How do I thread this thing!

I still want a serger and I am happy to wait for one now that I know it's a real possibility. But instead I think I am going with a juicer this year.

It's a crazy, stupid fad. It's so annoying when someone starts juicing and making you feel bad about the giant, artery clogging piece of delicious in your hand. You're just trying to savor every last sugar and salt particle and their barking in your ear about antioxidants and how their bowel movements are changing.

So, naturally I'm jumping on this bandwagon and have been slowly for the last two months (maybe?) anyway. My in-laws juice my breakfast every MWF morning and have been for quite a while. I help pay for supplies and in turn they help make me healthy. I like it. It makes me feel good and at this time of year, when let's face it-- you might be juicing for breakfast and eating trays of treats your neighbors brought you for every other meal-- you could use a little help in the nutrient department. And by you I mean me here.

Getting a juicer is also a big deal. You are announcing, loud and clear, to yourself that you are serious about your own health. And when you're sweating profusely, hunched over the sink cleaning it all by hand, you'll be double sure that you're serious, which will certainly make you think twice about consuming trays of treats for lunch. And by you I mean me here.

So, juice for breakfast every day instead of a serger right now. I can handle that.

Because I'd just be serging the hem on some fat pants at the rate I'm going.

My birthday is in six months and that serger is calling my name. I can wait.

And the winner is.....

2011-12-16T08:23:00.004-10:00

Photos and video by: A Mermaid (Stephanie Robertson)
acrosstheseashop.blogspot.com
tote, cup, locket too

Party Accessories by: Sheila Rich
http://partyaccessories.blogspot.com

Song by: A Fine Frenzy (You Picked Me)

I vote Jill gets extra entries!

2011-12-15T10:35:00.002-10:00

She posted this on facebook and I love it so much I might die. hahahahaha Best ever!

A love letter of sorts.

2011-12-14T13:46:00.008-10:00

I love Christmas because I finally get new toys to play with. What? Don't you get tired to playing the same stuff with your kids over and over?

And I am in-love with anything that makes my life easier as long as we're being selfish here.

What did moms do before online shopping with free shipping? I wish Amazon were paying me to say this, but shopping is so easy with them! Shhh don't tell the kids what their main presents are this year:

Because who has time to run around from store to store and clip coupons and hunt for deals? I love just reading reviews online and clicking for deals in two seconds and FREE shipping to Hawaii. That is a Christmas miracle in and of itself. Amazon, are you listening? I love you.

My first real giveaway awwww.

2011-12-12T08:02:00.012-10:00

It wouldn't be an etsy shop without a giveaway right? See this bag (The Clara to be exact) modeled by the lovely Sheila Rich from Party Accessories? I'm going to give it to someone!

So if you're a lover of nautical totes with seafoam blue lining and you want to take The Clara home for free-- here's what you do:

1. Snatch up one of these photos and blog it with a link back to me.

2. Comment on this post once you've blogged it- make sure your comment enables me to check your blog!

3. If you want extra chances to win: Twitter or facebook this post and comment about that as well so I can count you in twice or three times as the case may be! If you don't actually have a blog then this will be your only option so go for it! If you don't have a facebook.... you are my mother. :)

4. Do this by Thursday 12/15 at midnight Hawaiian time.

5. Sit back and wait for the winner to be announced on Friday morning along with a peek at the rest of the pictures I took from this fun collaborative shoot with Party Accessories.

Easy as that mermaids and sailors! Get to it and good luck!

Festive

2011-12-09T08:44:00.001-10:00

"Butt-white"

2011-12-07T08:27:00.007-10:00

Has your doctor ever commanded you become "Butt-white"? I've never heard a man that old utter those classy words before.

He's an award winning doctor and I like his sassy wit, but look at the girl in the Myspace-esque picture below:

She's not exactly tan.

Apparently she has enough of the wrong kinds of moles to have a 1/4 chance of Melanoma. And that sassy, elderly doctor is very upset with her for her "tan."

I've been given specific directions about a daily sunscreen routine, even if the only sun I see is to the car and back, and an order to return every six months until I am "Butt-white." Do you like how I keep capitalizing the "Butt" part as if it's an official title or something?

So, if you see me wearing all manner of creative winter clothing:

pat me on the back or introduce me to the casting director for Tim Burton films.
Look it's Thomas and me!

Sincerely,

Snow Butt-White

Hurry and Order!

2011-12-06T15:29:00.004-10:00

I've had some inquiries about the felt Christmas lights garland and shipping timelines:

Hurry and order in the next 24 hours, and barring any natural or unforeseen disasters, it should arrive by the weekend-- leaving you plenty of time to deck your halls and let it work it's magic for the rest of your holiday season!

And as an early Christmas present to you from me: free shipping on all felt Christmas lights garlands!

Mele Kalikimaka friends. Click on over and ENJOY!

The Shop is Open!

2011-12-04T17:45:00.012-10:00

Just in time for the holidays, Across the Sea Shop is open and ready to ship out to a port, harbor, or in most cases mailbox near you!

I am so excited because this has been the most fun project and a very long time coming! Stop by and grab yourself a festive Christmas Lights Garland:

trusty Edith, mysterious Cordelia, intriguing Aya, or dainty Lillian.

And, of course, Lena and Clara are waiting for you too!

So what are you waiting for? Go get yourself some handcrafted treasures or vintage discoveries- to you from me... Across the Sea!

Goal #20 progress: Make fun home videos of the kids!

2011-12-01T15:29:00.010-10:00

I have this tutorial, my new iPhone video camera, two enthusiastic little boys, and Sufjan Stevens to thank for this video. I am so excited that I sort of know how to do this stuff now. Enjoy this super-short clip and Merry December at last! (tip: click the little butterfly looking button next to "vimeo" to make it big... it's easier to see that way and turn up that volume!)

Untitled from Stephanie Robertson on Vimeo.

Boy of few words.

2011-12-01T13:29:00.003-10:00

I'm taking Asher to get evaluated for speech therapy on Monday because I noticed he says way less than his peers. The words he does say aren't very recognizable to people who don't live with him. He doesn't really try to learn new words all that much... oh yeah, and he's frustrated as a two-year-old who can't get his point across can be.

I don't actually think there is anything wrong with Asher, but it's a free evaluation and I am hoping they'll give me some tools to help Asher communicate.

So, at this stage kids should have at least 50 recognizable words they use. What mom actually knows the precise (or even general) count of words their kids can say? I love when I get asked questions like this because if I don't know the exact number off the top of my head I look like a deadbeat mom and that is always super fun.

Yesterday I decided to try and write down how many words Asher has throughout the day as he said them or I thought of them. We read books, played toys, did puzzles....the usual stuff plus me feverishly writing down every utterance out of his tiny mouth.

Turns out he says at least 35 and maybe a bit more, which is more than I thought. You may not know what he is saying, but I do and that's good for now.

Anyway, we head to the evaluation Monday and I am curious to see how he does and eager for their suggestions since I do all the normal mommy prompts and toddler educational stuff that I did with Ambrose.

And now, for our family record, here is Asher's vocabulary here at almost 2 and a half:
uh-oh
tee-too (thank you)
bow (broke)
mao (milk)
nana (candy or banana)
Mama
Dadee
rara (dog)
bable or baple (this can be used for Ambrose, brother, grandpa, temple or apple... all in context and sometimes totally frustrating for all parties involved!)
no
nigh (mine)
grara (grandma)
tee (please)
deedee (baby or Woody from Toy Story)
shhhhhhhh (he does this as he flys his band around like Buzz Lightyear to let us know that's what he wants)
bloo (blue)
raa (red)
wawow (yellow)
gee (green)
ba (black)
When I say, "one!" to count he automatically says, "two!" with a pleased look. He's never said one and only sometimes will follow-up "two" with "three!"
Sometimes he'll say, "Ready!" and then I say, "set!" and then he'll say "doe!" for go of course...
da (yes or yeah)
ball (ball or bowl)
ba (bath)
daa (dark)
oweee (when hurt)
Geedee (his buddy Gideon)
nano (another or more)
doe (hello only when he's talking on a play phone- he hardly uses it to greet people)
poo-poo (I am sure you can use your imagination here.)
doo-doo! (not another term for the previous word...choo-choo when playing with trains!)
Gee-sssss (Jesus)

And I think that's it! If you made it through that list you are his grandma or a now very bored person! :)

Creative Collective Game!

2011-11-29T08:20:00.012-10:00

Reminder: Creative Collective Meet-up this Friday 12/2 @8PM at my house!
This woman is the ultimate foodie and is doing a hands-on demo with us involving holiday sweets and all I need to say is: chocolate. Now combine that word with her awesome skills and you know you're in for quite a night. You don't want to miss it. Mariko has been very gracious to show us her awesome ways so I think we should pitch in for supplies if you can- just a dollar or two should do it! See you there!

*Don't forget to give us an update on how you are doing with your goals - bring samples of your progress if you can!

Now let's play a game shall we? Yesterday I was cleaning-out a drawer and finally found all the cute hair things I have been missing for like a year at least! Then I noticed that all of them are from friends and all but one were made by friends! Even the one that wasn't handmade is so creative and totally my style. I am thankful for cool, stylish, thoughtful friends! So, no matter if you know these people or not, let's play! Which piece of hair-flare belongs to which creative type?
Ashley

Melissa

Katie

Echo

And Matti (pictured here with her sister, the bride!)

Goal #2 progress: Open Across the Sea Shop

2011-11-28T13:02:00.012-10:00

7 bags designed, materials collected, cut, sewn, and happily waiting to be sold.

Here's a preview. It just so happened I was dressed like a sailor today (most days if I'm being honest here...)

Inside you'll find an iPhone sized pocket with the lining color of your choice:

sea kelp

or sea foam

Ambrose saw them and got all excited, "What are those for!?"

"Mermaids," I said.

Alright, this is getting exciting. Shop opening soon!

Making things.

2011-11-26T15:23:00.001-10:00

By myself, with you, my kids, Thomas, with my mother-in-law...

I've been making a lot of things lately and I like it.

Right at home.

2011-11-25T21:42:00.002-10:00

The trails behind Laie are fun, some a little steep, mostly easy, and numerous. Thomas Robertson basically grew-up back there and he knows them all. Today he showed us all around and we felt right at home. I expect we'll be back again and again really soon.

Not entirely generous, but true.

2011-11-23T15:15:00.003-10:00

There will always be stupid people making awesome people feel stupid about being awesome.

This aha-moment has been brought to you by self-relefction today I guess. I honestly don't know, it just popped into my head and I thought, "That's true." Maybe I heard it somewhere, but maybe not.

Whatever the case, I know I've been on both sides of this equation before and neither are very fun. Let's just all agree to support each other and not let our insecurities cloud someone else's genius ok?

Now go eat turkey! You're cool. Bye!

Reason No. 7,426 why I enjoy being a Mom.

2011-11-22T10:45:00.004-10:00

As we were pulling up to preschool today I said, "Ok bye Ambeasty, I love you!"

To which he sighed and answered in a very sincere tone, without hesitation, "Yeah, I love you too mom, as big as a quesadilla and SPACE!"

Woah.

27 before 28

2011-11-19T15:25:00.009-10:00

Inspired by Elsie of A Beautiful Mess, here is my 27 before 28 list... and I turn 28 in 6.5 months so I better get with it!

1. Create my dream ENG201 course for Winter
2. Open Across the Sea Shop!
3. Be completely comfortable in a swim suit
4. Establish a bedtime for myself and keep it
5. Add to our family or be on that path before my birthday... I've been practicing my baby tending skills with my friend's babies a lot lately and I'm fairly confident that I could do this again, well at least before I turn 30. Yep, we'll shoot for that.

6. New family photos
7. Learn to play the banjo
8. Date night twice a month with my Thomas
9. Temple twice a month
10. Print a year from my blog to keep as our family history
11. Finish the Book of Mormon
12. Visit another island
13. Bare my testimony in Sacrament Meeting
14. Mail a letter every week to a loved one
15. Go to dinner with my in-laws
16. Organize an inspiring creative space
17. Sew 10 things for my home/family
18. Create a piece of art for my home
19. Sew 5 things for my wardrobe
20. Make fun home videos of the kids
21. Write something to submit for publication
22. Collaborate with K on a kids book
23. Eat things that make me feel good
24. Read Daughters in My Kingdom
25. Collaborate with S on our Etsy shops
26. Continue to help my family stay out of debt
27. Read to, play with, and love my kids more and more everyday!

I'll report here when I make progress. Will I get it all done? No. But it will be an amazing half a year working on living all these dreams!

The truth about Ash

2011-11-18T08:35:00.011-10:00

He doesn't just look like Thomas. He is baby Thomas in many ways.

He is not obvious or loud and obnoxious (usually heh heh). He doesn't want your attention, not really anyway. He is funny in a quiet way. He is clever and sweet and happy to be on his own or just with me and his family, but especially me. Just like his daddy. I feel lucky that these shy types prefer me.

I rub them the wrong way sometimes because I am more forthcoming and loud. I can be extremely obvious.

I've had to learn their subtle ways and admit that my way is not the only way to interact with others and show love.

And there is something more worth the earning in their way sometimes and it can be pure magic.

So, while other kids (ahem, Ambrose) are running up to you yelling "Hey Aunty want to see my shark dance!?" and charming the crowds, the quiet kids (ahem, Asher) are being their own kind of amazing:

without a shout, or waving their arms, silently being awesome. We are all so different and so important and we all matter. The loud ones, the quiet ones, all are great.

Just kidding!

2011-11-13T21:53:00.002-10:00

Hey Creative Collective.

Remember how I said the next meeting was Sat 12/3? Well, I was just kidding.

I know. I'm hilarious.

It's really Friday 12/2 @ 8PM so be there or be square.

Mariko is doing a foodie demo and we all want to hear how your projects are coming! Bring samples of your work to inspire us if you can please.

See you then.

My favorite kind of craft

2011-11-12T15:14:00.009-10:00

I love making things for new babies.

A) They're not picky

B) It's fun to use the parent's interests and hobbies to personalize them

C) You have like, nine months to think about what to make and actually do it... a deadline I can sort of handle...

D) You get to put all your love for baby and family into what you do

Here's something I made for Hayden Jack Jones:

my newest nephew. He's so handsome!

Ambrose even helped:

Hayden's daddy is a big Volkswagon and Beatles fan so....

and the onesie I am the proudest of -- of all the onesies I've painted:

Those are a lot of tiny cuts with a cheap exacto knife my friends. And it's all one minuscule piece. I almost lost my cool about three times, but everything turned out alright. Just call me steady-handed-Steph.

After all that work I couldn't let the remainder of the sketch go to waste so I made a onesie for my future child.... the one I am absolutely NOT pregnant with and won't be having until like 2013... yeah, that one.
I'll find a nice place in the attic to store it or something. Ok, thanks for looking.

What's YOUR favorite kind of craft?

Friends.

2011-11-10T08:29:00.010-10:00

And here's my original best friends. This picture must be re-blogged every few years because it's da bomb.

We are still like this I feel: Brittany keeping her emotions in check when all is crazy around her, Natalie being good and looking at the camera but she just can't help laughing, Ashley with her head back in glee at my sorrows, and me... the emotional one.

Today I'm thankful for friends.

Friends who also happen to be my sisters: calling me to check-in and laugh (Nat), calling me with news of amazing vintage finds and more laughs (Britt), calling me to make sure it's ok to eat pizza right before giving birth to another gorgeous baby boy (CONGRATS Ash).

Friends who force me to exercise and push myself.

Friends who encourage me to craft and go for it and make me feel like a creative genius- so much support.

Friends who feed me really good food and teach me new things.

Friends whose homes feel like my own.

Friends who I trust with my children almost more than I trust myself.

Friends who live far away but consistently keep in touch, thus making the distance not a barrier, but more of a coincidence.

Friends who inspire.

Friends who uplift.

Friends who are nerdy English types like me. We have too much in common just by loving words and books. Deep, nerdy love.

Friends who provide opportunities to listen and friends who listen.

Friends who make Hawaii home. A true paradise.

Friends who love me and friends who make it easy to love right back.

Unlikely friends I find in my classroom each semester who frustrate me all the time and make me wipe away happy, proud Mama tears every couple of assignments.

Friends who I think about all the time and pressure to visit me.

Friends who can always be counted on for a good time or to go along with all my hair-brained schemes.

Friends who raised me as close confidants whom I still have in my phone as "Home" and can always call with my problems, joys, and whims. I miss those friends the most and wish I could still crawl in between them at midnight as they sleepily listen to every single detail of my wild, teenage life with patient and drowsy interest.

Friends downstairs who support me all the time in my creative pursuits, healthy goals, and in loving my children. These friends don't hear thank you from me enough, but I really love them a whole lot.

Friends who live with me and love me unconditionally and are my greatest joy and best friends of all. Where would I be without them? Too scary to think about.

Friends who I can pray to, strive to be like, and feel comfort from.

Today I am thankful for friends.

Better than therapy.

2011-11-08T21:41:00.012-10:00

Clockwise: Thomas. Ambrose. Asher. Stephanie.

Ambrose and Asher love this song (Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri)...

and it cracks me up.

Ambrose knows about 90% of the ultra dramatic lyrics and sings them with feeling. He frequently requests it in the car and we drive around the 'aina quite a bit... lots of practice time.

"You're gonna catch a cooooold..." You really should hear him.

That last, grand crescendo in all it's glory... oh man, you really should hear me.

I sing it out to every one of my worries. Telling them right off.

I hope I'm not secretly on that show where they put a video camera in the dashboard to capture all the karaoke humiliation. In my mind I give this gal a run for her money.

But boy does this song, full blast, full-out, full of every frustration of the day feel just right. Like a good cry. HA! Goodnight.

A pile.

2011-11-07T15:29:00.004-10:00

I have to grade all these. I should have days ago. I will by time I go to bed tonight. I will. Even if it makes me sick. And it will.

My life feels like this pile right now.

Lots of to-dos
grading
projects
intentions
people waiting on me
committments

cute little faces that are way more important than all of that needing lots from me too

a husband who doesn't demand much, but deserves a lot

health

sanity

spirituality

all feeling like a distant but important goal too

...

a big, messy pile. I think I'll make a master list with a great playlist as my companion tonight and fight the good fight...

so I can get back to those cute little faces and that husband who waits. Health, sanity and spirituality will follow.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-11-04T09:11:00.003-10:00

The boys now sleep in a big kid bunk-bed arrangement:

It's a set-up from the original Robertson children and just about everybody has had a turn sleeping in these beds, so it's fun to have my kids be a part of the tradition.

Ambrose and Asher had their first dentist appointments yesterday. Ambrose was an apprehensive champ and Ash barely let the dentist look at his teeth. Both mouths look fine though and the boys were pleased with their prizes from the treasure chest! Woot!

I got called to be the First Counselor in the Relief Society Presidency and I am just as shocked as you. I know. Odd choice. They probably didn't know I dressed as Madonna for my birthday.... a modest Madonna though. Or that I dress as Amy Winehouse for fun... a modest Amy Winehouse. HA! Anyway, I went from preparing a lesson every other week to every spare minute I have being filled with something. I had no idea the First Counselor did so much! I have new respect for sure and am learning a lot. It's actually really fun once I stop being shocked and terrified that they asked someone as silly as me (or thinking that just people in my mom's age group do stuff like this....).

I guess that's it for now. I'll leave you with some pictures from the day Ash and I tagged along on Ambrose's preschool fieldtrip. It was great day!

Creative Collective goal time!

2011-11-01T08:52:00.006-10:00

We had a fun time at our first meeting. Everyone (somewhat reluctantly) admitted what they wanted to do with their hopes and passions and then we made goals to get started over the month of November.

What do you want to do? Write it down. Admit it to yourself. Make a realistic plan to get it accomplished. Tell us what it is! You'll be a little more accountable that way and more likely to get it done.

I am committing to finally sewing the seven bags I cut out for a future etsy shop. It's a big goal for the month of November, but I can do it!

Some people are starting handmade Christmas gifts, selling at craft fairs, baking or creating a Pinterest project for every two pins they put up, getting things up on their walls to make their house a home, honing their photography skills, simplifying their work schedules to spend more time with their children, stocking up on handmade cards to have on hand for special occasions, and looking into a dream business idea.

Pretty fantastic right? I was bubbling with excitement and inspiration just being in the presence of so many great ideas.

You can do cool stuff too so let's work together! Comment on what you want to accomplish in the month of November and I'll check in with you by the next meeting and maybe even post your progress on the blog if you'll let me! We can do the things we have always wanted to do because now we all have a creative support team!

Next meeting: Saturday Dec 3rd @8PM-- my house.

Bring what you've accomplished or an update on it. Come to get inspired! Come to plan and scheme. Come to hang-out with cool, creative people. Come for a foodie demo by someone I haven't asked yet, but am hoping she will do it because she's seriously amazing!
I'll even give her one of these if she'll do it. :)

Let's do this!

Jack-o-lanterns

2011-10-31T12:30:00.008-10:00

Ambrose's fierce Jack:

Daddy's scary Jack:

Mommy's lame Jack: (I obviously spent 75% of my time cleaning and roasting pumpkin seeds and hmmmm maybe less than 25% on design...)

Asher's Jack Skellington:

(Can you believe Asher made that himself? He's so advanced and perfect. We're way proud.)
Have a spooooooooky Halloween everyone!

I gave all my students out-of-class assignments for today so I wouldn't miss one minute of Halloween fun with these shaggy haired Jack-o-lanterns!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Writing

2011-10-30T09:35:00.004-10:00

"Writing is not for someone with a weak heart. It takes courage to keep going back to the written word and asking it if it has said what you want it to say, if it has spoken from the heart and from the truth of what you, the author, understand."

-Phyllis Barber

Saturday it is!

2011-10-26T23:13:00.013-10:00

Seems like Saturday works best for most who commented on here or talked to me about it in person.

What: First Creative Collective meet up!
When: Saturday 10/29/11
Time: 8PM or whenever your kids are in bed...etc. -- I know my kids get down around 7:30 so this will give me time to clean my house before you all come over!
Place: My house

What to bring: Any ideas you have or desires to take your passions to the next level- let's talk about it and create plans to make things happen! Bring a little notebook if you can get/find one. This will be a really great tool for you when planning or inspiration strikes if you aren't obsessively keeping one already like most of us!

You can also bring a snack to share if you want, but no pressure. Bring any artsy, foodie, crafty, writer-y, photo-y...etc. types you want to join in. Try and come together since parking can get tricky.

I am so excited! I started one of my goals/hopes this week and I can't wait to share and get suggestions for some other ideas.

See you Saturday!
(All images from the ever-inspiring Anthropologie.com.)

Don't get it twisted.

2011-10-24T19:29:00.004-10:00

Ambrose: "Mom I want to be a ray for Halloween."
Me: "What's that?"
Ambrose: "A tight-rope walker."
Me: "Oh yeah..." ??? "Wait, I thought you were gonna be a shark. Bruce from Nemo right?"

Ambrose: "Oh yeah that's right except I'm not Bruce-- I'm the other shark that eats Nemo's mom. That one's more mean and doesn't know how to talk. Yeah, I'm that one."

Let's get started then.

2011-10-18T16:49:00.007-10:00

I have so many ideas that are just babies or little bits of something that should/could be much bigger. But I let "stuff" hold me back. I really hate "stuff"... don't you?

I have some secret hopes that I wish would happen, but I am afraid of taking things to the next level and failing. And other people KNOWING I failed.

I am afraid of rejection.

I don't have a lot of free time to dedicate to anything that doesn't involve caring for and spending time with my family, the job I already have and love, and maintaining my health and sanity.

I am insecure about my talents and abilities because I feel like there are so many people who are better writers, crafters, designers, cooks...etc than insignificant me.

I am not competitive at all and sometimes going for it and succeeding requires a little bit of a competitive spirit. I would rather give up from the start if it means I can avoid competing with someone else. It's not that I'm so great and nice or anything, but competitiveness usually means comparing yourself to others and that never ends well or trying to beat out someone and I never feel good about that. So I just usually try and keep competitive people at arms length because have you met a competitive person? They are usually really hard to get along with. You can never win with them.

So.... all these reasons and more hold me back from going for it with my passions in my life. I am sure some of this "stuff" may be familiar and holding you back as well.

I am going to look at that list boldly in the face and say, "Yeah, so?" and try and march forward anyway and go for it!

If you are ready to go for it too- let's meet up! I think we could all benefit from sitting in a room together and admitting what we want to do with our passions and brainstorming how to take these hopes to the next level together. If you live across the sea from us, let's do it via the comments section or email or over the phone!

Every good group should have a name so I am calling us "The Creative Collective" and that'll do for now.

This is a productive, supportive, and honest group. We are going to help each other and cheer each other on. We are going to brainstorm, create, and make great things happen in our lives. I hope this group will not take away from what's most important in our already busy worlds, but enhance and bless it.

So I think Ash had a good idea to make it a monthly meet up and for the first one I say we just all come with a goal in mind of what you want to do with your particular passion(s). You have to admit it to yourself. For example:

I want to finally get organized with editing and publishing, but I just need to bounce ideas off people before I make my plan of attack.

I have all the stuff cut out and needing to be sewn for this etsy shop I planned to open last summer, but I just need to go for it and I want to talk to other etsy shop owners before I start.

I want to make more things for my family and home and I like to talk to crafty types about these things.

I want to get a few freezer meals made for busy weeks and I wonder where to start.

I want to look for more opportunities to attend artistic events with my family or just with a few artsy friends.

I have a million of these ideas and I want a creative collective to brainstorm with and to lend advice or encouragement to others.

Let's do it! Does Friday 10/28 or Sat 10/29 at 8PM work better? The most votes wins. Let's make this happen!

Wanted: Creative cohorts

2011-10-14T21:31:00.007-10:00

Tonight I'm craving a close-knit clan of creatives.

Someone who just licked their lips with the aliteration in that last sentence. Because it's tasty.

Artists, foodies, crafters, writers, photographers, poets, bloggers, musicians, chefs, designers-you know, those types and more.

I've been reading about writing.

I've been watching shows about baking and art.

I've been blown-away with inspiration on the Internet.

I've been keeping obsessive notebooks all over my house collecting strands of promise or whim.

I've been bubbling and crackling and snapping away in my mind over concepts and unborn free-form sparks.

............

I've been wondering if you spend more time reading about creating than actually executing the ideas that are screaming to get out?

Because I have.

The sewing society was fun last year, but this time around I feel like we can all take it further.

I want kindred souls to share and encourage the process. I want a band of geniuses reaching toward something more than an occasional night of arts and crafts.

I have writing ideas and sewing concepts and baking questions and art hopes and photography projects to explore and I'm excited.

And I want it to mean something and matter.

Anyone feel the same?

Brother friends

2011-10-14T09:41:00.012-10:00

They don't always get along perfectly, but man do they love each other. I am having fun being the Mama to these two bright shiny souls.

I imagine them at 15 and 13 running around the mountains behind Laie like their daddy did.

I'm looking forward to them playing instruments with their dad and dreading the inevitable close calls they encounter jumping off The Point with their friends.

My heartaches a little with pride as I think about all they'll encounter for two years on their missions. I want to protect them from rejection, danger, and loneliness and I want to get them on the most direct path out there more than anything in the world at the same time.

I want to keep our family in this fun, small, tight unit forever and not complicate the simple joy we have and in the very next second I can't wait to give these boys another little sibling friend someday!
That baby child would be a good, if not overly enthusiastic, big brother.
They're both pros at the whole "fierce love" thing.

Best brother friends forever.

A Fall Ritual

2011-10-12T20:34:00.002-10:00

Uneventful Fall Break

2011-10-08T16:22:00.006-10:00

Hawaii has a Fall Break. You Idahoans will understand, what with your potato harvest and all. Ours is just one week and I had a zoo trip, waterpark day, maybe even Bishop Museum with the grandparents....etc week planned...

and then we all took turns having the flu.

So much for my flu shot eh? Thanks for nothing Foodland pharmacy.

Anyway, we didn't do anything and anytime I thought we were well enough to do something I was always a little sorry in the end as I held a crying child all the way home from the elementary school fall break play performance and whatnot.

It wasn't all bad though.

We tried out some possible Halloween costumes

Hung up some spooky bats (they have since all fallen down because of my safety tape and have been displayed elsewhere)

And in desperation one day I took the invalids to Costco for a quick trip. Nature called to Ambrose on the way home somethin' fierce so we had to pull over in a pineapple field and I had to take a picture because I am mature and discreet. He'll thank me someday I'm sure.

Not a bad week I guess.

Crafty Ambrose

2011-10-03T10:48:00.026-10:00

I was looking through our family photos on the computer and noticing that we had a lot of crafty Ambrose pictures. I wish I would have thought to take a picture of ALL his crafts over the years, because it would be quite the overwhelming collection.

The boy loves trash.

Anytime I am about to throw out any empty box or container I have to hurry and do it before he notices or I will get in trouble.

"No Mama! I was gonna save that for a craft!" Is the most common phrase to come out of Ambrose's mouth after, "Sandwich please!"

Although I feel I am missing some of his truest masterpieces, here are a few I found recently:
Valentines- I did the cutting of coures cuz he was little little here

Homemade watch

Cardboard fort

Rocket with Mama's help

Some sort of alien gun?

iPhone. Duh.

Stilts- grandma cut the hole in the cans

Another rocket

A remote control car remote... one Mama's trash is truly his treasure.... frequently I will throw something away and find it like this later that day.

A paper "friend" named ROM...

He was jealous of his friend's Ironman toy so he made his own

Jack Skelington from Nightmare Before Christmas

He insisted we need personalized, decorated food trays for Family pizza and movie night

A robot factory... clearly. This is a combination of different days of trash and you should see his face when you happen upon him configuring something like this. SERIOUS. We could go through a roll of tape in a week and sometimes we do.

A family of finger puppets

Oh get ready for this one! A laptop computer with a mouse to go with it. I walked in on this delightful scene. I laughed for like 20 minutes with glee.

Oh and sad, he really wanted video games like all his cousins and I told him not until he's older so he fashioned this little gem and played on it all afternoon:

Kite

Bug jar with grandma and her Stampin' Up! supplies and a recycled jar of course.

Extremely intimidating robot (Daddy helped with cutting)

Oh, and a clock.

You get the idea. I could post at least one a day, but suffice to say, this child is a crafty beast. I am endlessly entertained.

A pretty (fun) week anyway

2011-10-02T14:56:00.018-10:00

Upstanding Youth groupies gettin all sassy.

Biking to work.

These three gents picked me up from work Monday night so we could have FHE at the Seasider and ride bikes home together.

It's been annoyingly hot lately.... maybe it just feels so insulting because everyone else is getting fall colors... at any rate, to beat the heat I channeled my inner six-year-old instead of shaving my head. This is the only time in history that Hello Kitty buns have ever been considered the sensible alternative.

Tried and True recipe friends, I made Taylor's Orange Chicken and Fried Rice! Have you? I was always too intimidated in the past, but I DID IT!

Sorry for the nast picture. It doesn't look that appealing here, but IT WAS AMAZING! I kinda felt like Top Chef for a night. Make it. You won't be sorry.

Asher didn't even touch it. So I put him in playground prison.

KIDS! I know that they would love 97% of the things I make if they would just TRY IT.

Oh! And we started a new tradition of making a special family dinner and having a crazy sleepover in the family room for General Conference weekend.

Confession: Once the boys actually settled down Thomas and I crept to our room and slept in our own bed.... so we cheated... but those kids roll around in their sleep and take up ALL the mattress. Next General Conference I think I'll just make a big bed on the floor with tons of blankets and then I'll actually sleep out there. Promise.

Well, that's about it for this week.... except for it's suddenly starfruit season again.

Have a juicy week.

It's all piling up.

2011-09-29T07:58:00.002-10:00

A part recall at the dealership
that turned into an over-night fiasco
that meant I had to rent a car
wherein I found out my license had been expired since June 12
which meant I had to skip Asher's first day of mommy and me preschool
to hurry down to the DMV
so I could pay a big fine and get back in time to pick up Ambrose
where I finally got a call back from some burnt out Gov employee
who let me know in a movie-villan tone that because I was trying to be honest my kids are not eligible for insurance.... anywhere
which led me to contacting my old boss who might be able to help
but I had to rush the application to get it in RIGHT THEN and I am not sure I did it right
so my kids may not be insured until the New Year, but we'll see
and those poor kids are in time-out currently
both of them
even though Ambrose's school started three minutes ago
and I was supposed to craft at Sheila's today
and this busy week has left my house looking like a tornado hit
so now I am going to take a deep breath and drag myself that I don't like right now
due to the over-grown eyebrows, extra 10 pounds, and unwashed face
into the boys room to hug it out
get the Ambeast to school now that he's sobered up
take the Asher to the park now that he knows I mean business
tell them both how much I love them anyway
scrub my little home
and this week away...
Friday will be a good day
the end.

This week on Instagram

2011-09-25T09:12:00.013-10:00

Sorry if these are boring, I just like having all of them saved in one place. And I'm sure my Mama likes to see them! Ok, excuses done. Here they are.
Four and a half is enough reason for cake?

He made a friend out of cardboard. He named him ROM.

So he made a hat out of an envelope.

And then he made a motor boat so he could take the strainer out to catch fish.

All this crafting made us hungry for Waialua Bakery. We thought of you Megan Walton.

An apparently dark day in Haleiwa.

Some good pals took me out to preview Moneyball. It's a really great movie.

Asher heard me talking about G&G Hawkins visiting around New Years.

And we were busting with so much excitement we decided to do a volcano experiment to pass the time.

So we got out some energy at the crazy playground

and attended the best shark and mermaid party ever!

The end!

Go ahead and grow.

2011-09-23T10:00:00.009-10:00

Ambrose has been telling everyone that he is four and a half. He turned four and a half on the 19th and now my doctor, the nurse at Koolauloa, the cashier at Waialua bakery, the neighbors, and EVERYONE he talks to knows it too. Naturally, we had cake.

Asher has been removing his own diaper at any given point in the day and sitting on the toilet. I'll spare you a picture on this one.

Everyone seems in a hurry to grow-up.

Normally, this is the part where I whine about how I want them to stay the same forever, but I like seeing how much Ambrose has already learned since he's started school. He has started to fly through phonics and is reading his second book. Hooray!

And, to be perfectly honest, Asher is embracing the terrible-two stage so whole-heartedly that I am ready for him to grow-up too. He won't share, doesn't seem to be interested in learning to talk, and can throw a fit to end all fits. I am tired of all that, but true to classic two-year-old style he is cute as a button and gives the best tight squeezes and sweet kisses... so we'll keep him despite his current frustrations.

We check on them every night after they've been asleep for a while and dash it all if that doesn't make up for anything that went wrong during the day. Especially when rascally Asher has weaseled his way into Ambrose's bed and curled up for the night.

Sometimes we wonder if they fell asleep holding hands?

But just when things get too precious up in here, in true older brother form, Ambrose puts Asher back in his place right quick:

No wonder Asher's so indignant!

I am enjoying these boys, even when they make me pull out my hair daily. Can you tell? :)

When it's personal

2011-09-21T13:09:00.007-10:00

I was sitting in a room with a lot of people last week feeling strong impressions of direction, good feelings, and promise.

It was a little over-whelming, invigorating, and honestly I have rarely experienced such a confirmation of the Spirit.

I try and keep close to the Spirit in my life so I can help others who need me, feel good about the path I am on, and comfort in times of need. It's almost something I take for granted, because I've tried to let it become a part of who I am to the core.

But last week was so different, and seemed bigger than the nudge I usually feel to call and offer to watch someone's kids or take someone a meal. This was a big life decision. I haven't felt this for a while. I was excited and scared and unsure of how to interpret this flood of feeling.

How do you sort it out?

Was this just a positive confirmation that I was in the right place, doing something good, or was this a big shove in a more complicated direction?

I am sorry to be so vague, but I am still sorting out all the details and possibilities myself. I won't have it all figured out anytime this year or maybe even next. What I thought "it" was last week has taken a different shape this week as I explore the possibilities, attend the temple, and continually pray for guidance.

I think I wanted a definite, shouting, clarifying answer. I think I wanted an etched-out course with a precise plan.

But, the more I ponder this new opportunity, the more I see that the Lord would never work that way. He lets us chose. He helps us to feel peace once we have done all the work to find the absolute best option for our family and selves.

I think I am so inexperienced with big, life-changing personal revelation that the first thought that entered my mind felt like the only choice. I was scared, but trusting in His plan for me. I know the Lord has a plan for us, but it's not a predestined command and agency is ours. I am grateful for this.

I am glad that this experience has allowed Thomas and I to sit down and decide what we want to do as a family, where we want to be, what we will give our precious time and energy to.

I am grateful that no matter what, whenever I put my husband and family first, I feel joy and peace.

Mostly I am just grateful for this sudden break in my life to sit and examine what I want, what the Lord wants, and feel so close to my family and Heavenly Father as I make the right choice. It has put everything into perspective for me. I am grateful that He gave me this chance to feel all of that. It helped me to stop the auto-pilot, seriously examine what we were doing, what we want, and make a good choice.

Isn't it cool that we all have this chance? Personal revelation is a marvelous gift.

I am so grateful for this intense week and in-love with my supportive husband and irresistible children. I will never, ever get tired of putting them first and dedicating my time to things I love on the side. I will never be sorry that I give them all I can possibly give. I feel peace in my role as their mother and grateful for the gifts and talents Heavenly Father has blessed me with to feel utilized and fulfilled in many roles in addition to the great love I have for my children.

I am curious to see what the Lord has in store for our family, and eager to learn more. What a journey and continual learning process! It would be exhausting if it weren't completely wonderful.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Prov. 3:5–6).

Life is, in fact, good. Thanks for reading.

This week on Instagram

2011-09-18T21:09:00.013-10:00

Thomas made all my Snapware dreams come true and brought this home one day.

I was more excited than a 2011 woman should ever be. I've used just about the whole set already. I'll save anything in a container, big or teeny tiny, in the fridge now. Anything.

I find Ambrose's paper creations laying around the house all the time.

Crafty little spaceman.

I like being on campus.

This photo was taken moments before the fateful *Marie* encounter!

Drum Saturdays have returned:

and apparently you need just the right stick

to make an unholy amount of noise. Drum Saturdays are short and everyone suffers ear damage as a result. But it's fun.

In case you are wondering The Lion King 3D is awesome.

And I had a pretty delightful little date along with me. I really just had children to have an excuse to go to things like this.

Thomas and I snuck away Saturday night and ate one of the best meals I've had in a while.

12th Ave Grill in Kaimuki, you did not disappoint. If you ever need a restaurant recommendation, talk to my pal Mariko and she will HOOK YOU UP.

And then Asher magically started saying words that made sense and he was like, "Hey Mama, you didn't take me on a date last Saturday!"

And I was all, "You're right little buddy, let's work on that for next weekend. Sky's the limit." And then he said, "Dish." Or something like that.

My mother-in-law is inarguably the most patient woman on the planet and will always make all manner of tents and forts with the boys at the drop of a hat.

And they love it. I officially want to be more fun with my children when I look at this photo. You too?

And now we're all fed, washed, dried, brushed, sang to and prayed for.

And ready for a new week of adventures!

The great Halloween debate

2011-09-17T07:42:00.021-10:00

I love Halloween so much that I buy several decorations for it every year... we have quite the collection going. Just one or two little things every year... it's adding up nicely. I love to dress up and I love making the kids costumes and I love bugging Thomas about how he hates to dress up. It's all part of our Halloween ritual around here. In the past Ambrose has had some input as to what his costume will be, but mostly I have had the final say... making my job that much easier since I mostly make all his costumes. We pick something and stick with it long enough to find and buy or make whatever we need.

This year is different.

He has my zest for holidays and all the attention span of.... an excited four year old boy I guess.

For a few months I have been dilligently trying to convince him he was born to be Peter Pan for Halloween. Think of it friends!

Ambrose=Peter Pan
Asher=Michael (can't you just see him in pink footie pjs carrying around his bear!)
Me=Wendy
Thomas=JOHN! hahahaha (It would surely take some convincing to get him in a big, white night-dress, but he looks just like him! Glasses and all!)

Ambrose would entertain the idea for a bit and then change his mind... much to the relief of the would-be-John.

Here are just a few of the MANY costume suggestions he has made so far this year:
Woody, and I jumped all over this! Ash could be Buzz (his favorite) and I could be Jessie and Thomas... army guy I guess... least embarrassing Toy Story costume and let's face it, he would just wear his army shorts he's had as long as I've known him with a t-shirt.

Then he firmly settled on ANDY.

Andy from Toy Story? So..... jeans and a t-shirt and a red hat.... surely everyone would know exactly who he was. A part of me was like, "Psst, take the bait Robertson, easiest costume of all time!" and I nearly did, but the other part of me slapped my face and was like, "Get it together Robertson! This is Halloween we're talking about here!"
And then there was the whole day he insisted he was going to be a ROCKSTAR! I could live with that, but how exactly would we pull that off? There's so many different types:
The stereotypical Slash prototype?

Please no.
Let's take it more wholesome, like Ben Gibbard?

Again, kinda like Andy... not really a costume.
More iconic Kurt Cobain?

Oh yeah, Melissa and Nate were Kurt and Courtney one year and she said no one knew who they were.
He could borrow our glasses for a night and pull off a convincing Rivers Cuomo:

Nah, no matter how you slice it rockstars aren't that recognizable in costume... unless I just send him shirtless and draw some tattoos on him with sharpie

...not for my baby boy. He needs a more Upstanding look....

heh heh... ok, rockstar. No.
So, then he settled on a horse. Echo, do you think he heard us talking yesterday? How random that he would all of a sudden say that this morning.

I'll leave such costumes to way better seamstresses than I. I steered him (pun intended?) away from livestock.
Oh yeah, then he wanted to be Wall-E.

I think I could find a cardboard box and figure something out.
In the end his latest pick is Ironman.

He's been excited about it and it might stick. So.... is this my easy out? An ugly, cheap Walmart costume?

It really doesn't matter when you come right down to it as long as the boy can easily get around and have fun memories. But if I am making it I want to start soon and if I am buying his costume, I also need to start soon... Hawaii is nuts people. Shelves are bare a few weeks into October.

I kind of want to make costumes for my kids because that's a fun mom thing to do and my mom did it... but the boy, for now, has settled on something I refuse to make when Walmart already has it in every size....

What do you do for Halloween? Are you as psycho as me? Do you treat it like a Project Runway challenge or is it just Walmart or bust?

Backhanded compliment?

2011-09-15T10:10:00.007-10:00

I don't usually post actual experiences from work because it doesn't seem professional, but this is too funny. I had to share.

Yesterday was the first day of the semester and I had to wait outside of my first classroom while the previous class finished up.

I stood in the hallway unnoticed by the students that started to congregate and wait as well. They all wore first day of school outfits and stood uncomfortably exchanging names and introductions. I kept a little away from them and avoided eye contact because, as a rule, I try to separate myself as the teacher and be the strictest version of myself on the first day.

Eventually I noticed a girl right beside me and in the interest of not seeming like a complete snob I gave her a little smile nod. She was clearly nervous and quickly admitted, "Oh man, I do not want to take this class at all."

"Oh?" I said, uncertain of how to procede from here since she had no idea who I was and was obviously looking for commiseration. "Yeah, English can be really tough, but we'll try and make it fun......"

Confusion scrunched up all over her face. She hadn't put it together yet so I awkwardly stumbled on, "I mean, man, if I was standing in front of a math class, for instance, right now... I would be sweating bullets! Because..."

"Wait, what's your name?" It quickly and painfully began to dawn on her.

"Sister Robertson," I admitted in relief and embarrassment at the same time.

"OH! Well, then I am SO EXCITED to take this class!" she joked in a panicked tone. "I was just thinking, that girl looks way too old to be taking this class," she blurted out before she could stop herself.

I am dying laughing right about now.

"Way too old huh?" I say a little too loudly. "What's your name?"

*"Marie"*

"Well, *Marie*, you are off to a fantastic start!" I laughed as the class before us finally filed out and I left poor *Marie* to work-out the delightfulness of what just occurred.

WAY TOO OLD PEOPLE?!?!

hahahahahahhahaha

I'm still in my 20s you know. And I will be for like 3 more years. Wait, that's like a decade older than good old *Marie*.

Oh well, the class went on as it always does and *Marie* turned out to be quite the lovely girl. People just say the most awesome stuff when they are nervous. I chuckled about it for the rest of the evening.

*- names have been changed to protect the innocent.... or name that is.

Here, every post needs a picture but in the interest of protecting *Marie's* privacy here's a picture of what Amy Winehouse would look like had she ever been pregnant. What? You never go to baby showers where the theme is pregnant celebrities? That's weird. She was 27 too. I will always love her. The end.

We like.

2011-09-14T13:44:00.010-10:00

Asher likes to be my baby. He seems to understand that his baby days are slipping further and further away and so he lets me carry him everywhere when we run errands.... as if he can't walk. And he lets me refuse to even pretent to potty train him until he's at least three.... even though he has an enthusiastic interest in it. And he lets me rock him and snuggle up basically whenever I want... even though he is not an infant.... he gets it. He fills my baby need. Precious little baby.

He also likes to drink milk night and day. Don't worry people, it's cows milk. I am not nursing a big two year old baby, but he honestly drinks more milk than he eats food. Asher, you're not really a baby. You can eat other things. Now you know.

Ambrose likes Black Sabbath.

HA! No, not really. But, yeah, kinda.

We were driving home from preschool, listening to the classic rock station when a Black Sabbath song came on and a few bars in I got bored and changed the channel just as Ambrose screamed, "I love that song! Turn it back Mom! I love that song! Who is it?" Me: "Black Sabbath." (I was surprised I somehow knew that.) Ambrose: "Yeah, Black Sabbath, I LOVE IT!!!!"

We're so proud.

Anyway, Ambrose also loves to say, "Oh, look at those bad people smoking and hurting their bodies and making Heavenly Father so sad!" Right in front of unassuming smokers we happen to walk by at a store, park, wherever.... so he is a self-righteous Black Sabbath lover. Interesting combo.

4 is a great age.

Ambrose has been craftier than usual lately. As soon as I can find all the pictures of his latest crafts I want to post them. He cracks me up.

Thomas likes modeling.

Ok, that claim was misleading again.

He likes that I am learning to use his fancy camera once and for all and so he puts up with me sneaking up while he is playing guitar to work on the lighting. A good friend has asked me to take pictures of her new baby when she gives birth so I have been trying to get better at all kinds of indoor lighting with the big, intimidating flash and whatnot. It is fun and I am glad for the chance to get better at it.

Thomas and I have actually enjoyed being major homebodies lately. We are always pretty low-key like that, but more than ever we have just soaked up our evenings together when the boys go to bed. It's nice to hang-out with the person you love.

I like that today is the first day of Fall semester because I feel refreshed from intense First term and ready to go back to my old, short schedule. Two classes, one hour each, in the evening when Thomas is already home, in and out and done! Feels good to be back in the swing of things.

I hope you liked reading this. If not, I am, like, sorry. The end.

Last week-ish on Instagram

2011-09-13T08:39:00.014-10:00

Peachy keen.

Balloon igloo.

Baby haoles.

I think I could live there. I'm good at befriending wild dogs and building primitive tools to skewer my own meat.

My main cure for the mean reds.

Chug-chug-chug!

Cassie's mobile I want to copy someday.

Aloha Friday.

Bedtime story

2011-09-11T15:08:00.002-10:00

Hawaiian prayer

2011-09-08T23:24:00.005-10:00

Ambrose learned a little Hawaiian prayer at preschool that they do everyday before they eat their lunches.

Lately he insists on doing it every night before we eat our dinner.

It's pretty funny.

And cute.

He made a video of himself singing the prayer while Asher babbled away in the background and I made my bed (sort of).

Enjoy.

Why is he always shirtless with foodstuffs on his face? All part of being 4 I guess. It's a good look for him really.

Can't please everyone all the time...

2011-09-07T13:09:00.003-10:00

"Bear"

2011-09-06T10:02:00.003-10:00

An army of little boys!

2011-09-05T18:39:00.009-10:00

We had a baby shower here on Friday for my friend Katie who had her baby today... on labor day. HA!

Now she's the proud Mama of three little boys. I'll admit that when she told me she was having another little boy I thought- Man, that's probably gonna happen to me... which is ridiculous because I've been pretty baby hungry with all the friends I've got popping out babies right now. I would take three more little boys in addition to the wild men I already have in a heartbeat!

Ahhh, nothing like a new baby. Nothing.

And we know what to do with cute little boys around here, that's for sure!

I love my army of little boys. Present and future. All in good time. :)

My bloody knee

2011-09-04T08:25:00.001-10:00

Wanna see it? I swear it was a lot bloodier in my mind. Like gushing everywhere. Emily, you are funny. Ready for another run?

This week on Instagram

2011-09-02T10:35:00.011-10:00

A+A=BFF

Cheeky child.

Homemade lightsabers. We have made like 14 varieties of them. Our how-to pamphlet will be distributed Fall 2082. Look for it.

This is what Asher does when Ambrose is at school.

Ambrose really gets into his homework.

Mall rats.

Ambrose: "Oh look Mama, it's Jeff Tweedy!" Me: "No, that's Elvis." Ambrose: "Who?" Me: "A guy named Elvis." Ambrose: (all offended) "That is NOT a boy name."

First day of school

2011-09-01T07:58:00.005-10:00

Now that I've alienated everyone who uses Facebook (which means everyone but my mom!) let's move on to some first day of preschool pics I just got off Thomas' camera. This boy loves school and was so excited.

Ash is jealous everyday and it's a big scene when I go to pick Ambrose up because Asher runs straight back to the cool play area and has to be dragged out kicking and screaming with an arched back like a brand new baby. I love these crazy boys.

Happy horizon

2011-08-31T08:34:00.007-10:00

Just some jumbly happy thoughts I wanted to get down about life right now:

I just have today and Friday and then First Term is done! I will miss a bunch of gems from this Term. So many cool, focused students, but sayonara to the schedule! Adios!

The ankle is doing pretty great and when I wake up aching aching at 5AM I have the sweetest, fastest, most understanding caretaker sleeping right by my side to fetch 800mgs of Ibuprofen, water, a piece of bread- whatever. His good nature and concern hasn't worn off yet. Good man.

My kids have been impressing me like crazy with all this ankle business. The day that it all happened, I was laying on my bed with little pathetic tears rolling down my face— willing two hours to go by faster until I could get myself to the doctors— and Ambrose took care of me and Asher like he was 15 or something. Maybe even more considerately than a 15-year-old would. Wow. The boys can come through in a pinch. Now we know.

We've got some cool, creative goals going on around here that have me inspired to read more, be patient, practice, train my eye, and give.

I am also loving my daily dose of Asher time now that Ambrose has preschool every week day from 7:45-11:30. It's fun to focus on Asher. We went to help at Ambrose's school last week and I kept feeling rushes of good, warm feelings that he is in the right place and growing and thriving. Having Ambrose in school has looped us into the endless wheel of school now. The kids will never be the same from here on out. Our days and nights seem shorter, which could be sad and busy, but it feels like we have even more purpose and direction. I always plan to be very involved in my kid's education so I will be back to help in the classroom again and again.

I read this article that I can't find at the moment, about the Internet making it too possible for everyone to make their lives look so fantastic all the time- thus causing an "I'm missing out" fear amongst everyone who is not involved in exactly what is being posted. This was interesting to me and I felt like it was true. I rarely check Facebook anyway, because it seems highly artificial to me. People posting how great they are, their life is, what they are doing is the most fun...etc. all to accomplish what goal? We don't create scrapbooks from our Facebook posts so it's not like it's for posterity's sake. It's like one, big brag book being sent into the universe so that everyone else can instantly "Like" whatever fleeting whim their "friends" are projecting about themselves at the moment. Haha, now I am just sounding like the article too! I do think Facebook is great at getting the word out on events or general announcements and is a good way to find long, lost relatives or friends, but that's about it for me. The "happy horizon" on this is that I just check Facebook if someone sends me something on there now. In that way Facebook is a good thing for me and not a time-waster or something that makes me feel like I'm missing out or comparing myself to anyone else. If I think about all the hours I have wasted scrolling down my Facebook status updates when I could have been playing with my kids or reading or doing ANYTHING else it makes me a little sad. Reading about the oatmeal someone just ate, the cryptic emotional updates people are dying for follow-up questions on, etc.... sure hasn't gotten me anywhere. Just my personal preference. Rant done. :)

Jumbly post done too. I think this will be funny to read in years to come. My kids will be like "Facebook"? as they read this on the laser screens projected from their eyeballs, "What's a book?"

Ok, bye.

I think the universe is trying to tell me something.

2011-08-30T11:50:00.006-10:00

Ambrose brought this home from school today.

It says: "This is my mom resting in bed with her cast on her broken foot."

Hilarious!

I didn't break my foot and I don't have a cast, but I did sprain my ankle on the bike path yesterday and I didn't realize it until hours later. I'm all wrapped up in one of those lovely ace bandages. Ambrose finds the whole thing very impressive and amusing. Last night he poked his delighted face into my bedroom twice and beamed, "Mama, how are you liking laying around and doing nothing?"

How embarrassing.

My regular physician sent me to the ER since I couldn't bare weight on my foot long enough to drive to her office in Haleiwa where she doesn't have an X-ray machine anyway- the ER by my house does. The ER doc was someone I have never seen before and he was condescending, rude, impatient and any other words I can think of to describe him are just not lady-like so call me if you want to hear them and I'll be happy to vent.

I came home feeling dumb, but relieved that I would only have to put my foot up for about three days instead of having to lug around a cast for a few weeks.

I think the universe is trying to tell me something though because on Friday I was cutting lettuce to portion out into ziplocs when tragedy struck... or sliced rather. I was trying to do this. Instead of expertly chopping those greens, I foolishly sliced my thumb... almost clear off. Thomas is always befuddled by my lack of knife skills. We can't all be eagle scouts I guess.... or just smart with cutlery.

Anyway, I called a friend from campus on Monday before I headed to the ER to get her help in arranging something for my classes that day and after detailing all my klutziness in regards to the jogging and the salad we were both in near tears laughing as I lamented, "Do you think the universe is trying to tell me something?"

"Yes!" she said, "Stop running and slicing vegetables and go back to eating chocolate and watching TV!"

Deal.

But what we've really been up to

2011-08-25T18:48:00.007-10:00

is lotsa fun stuff. I know I have it good with these three guys.

The martyr complex

2011-08-25T09:31:00.009-10:00

When I am stressed I am homesick.

Thomas pointed this out to me one day when I was saying maybe it's about time we packed up and moved on outta here like he's always been saying we would one day.

He said he gets nostalgic when he is stressed and he starts wishing for simpler times like when we were dating or back in the day with all his buddies he grew up with.

It's only natural to wish for something you've preserved in your mind (and maybe even candy-coated over time) when things aren't exactly ideal in the real world you must inhabit.

When something or someone annoys me I start researching social work jobs on the mainland.

When I am buried in a pile of papers to grade I check prices on flights to my sisters.

When I am overwhelmed by the mess or mundane of everyday life I call my parents and either whine a lot or over-sell how great we are doing and they always patiently hear me out and offer advice or applaud.... whatever the situation calls for.

I was discussing this with my brilliant pal Emily on the bike path the other day and she laughed because it seemed so familiar to her. She said, it's the classic "martyr complex" all of us mainland transplants have.

We know we live in one of the most absolutely amazing places on earth but the lure of cheaper housing, food, EVERYTHING is almost too much to bare. Add in the fact that we all miss our families and mainland friends so much we die a little inside each time we call home and happen to hear everyone gathered around enjoying each others company..... without us!

My parent's California phone number on my cell phone is still set as: HOME.

BUT WE HAVE THE BEACH!!!!!!!! And lots of it. Is the beach really worth it? I was starting to think: NO.

And then last Saturday, I was enjoying a wonderful anniversary with Thomas after a week where my martyr complex was thick and fierce and hanging around my family like a threatening storm. We went to a really cool movie, but before the really cool movie there was a preview for a George Clooney movie set in Hawaii. I cannot begin to tell you what the movie was all about but Thomas and I sat motionless for at least 3 minutes while it played out in beautiful scenes of Oahu. Even the neighborhood's colors it was set in made my heart ache a little and Thomas would excitedly whisper to me, "OH! That's totally the Pali!" etc. etc. and I missed Hawaii.

More than I have ever missed cheaper housing or food or anything I missed Hawaii.

I don't know how we will ever leave.

Thomas says someday we will.

I think I know where my roots are planted even if they feel a little foreign sometimes. No matter what we are together, we are here, so I guess we are home.

If I can't post something nice maybe I shouldn't post at all.

2011-08-19T11:29:00.004-10:00

This post goes out to my sisters who asked for it. I guess I just can't blog if I am not going to blog regularly.... like my mind can only make room for it if I am going to do it for real. I can't just kind of do it. I think this applies to eating healthy and exercising for me as well. I either have to commit to it.... or really really not do it and oh man...sometimes I really really don't do it.

But this Term of teaching has been one big experiment in forcing myself to do what I can even if I can't be the best I can be at anything right now. Does that make sense? I kind of hate it.

Poor Thomas puts up with the pieces he gets of me as best as he can and works with it. He makes up for everything I lack. He likes my job and he likes his quality time with the kids and I used to like it all so we carry on. I will like it again in the Fall when everything is back to normal and teaching is my brief hobby that I get to enjoy a few hours a week instead of the drudgery it is now.

I am well aware that many Moms work many more hours than I do and find peace and fulfillment in that arrangement. I am also well aware that I completely lack the emotional and mental energy to carry on like this much longer. I crave days with my kids that don't involve hovering around an abrupt ending where I have to immediately shift gears, shower and get presentable, stand in front of people for hours upon hours and entertain them into loving things which make them uncomfortable. It never used to feel this way, but this Term does and I can't get my bearings.

This is certainly not the post my sisters were waiting for! hahahaha

But this is honestly how I am feeling lately, and so let's document it. Why not.

I am sure I am not the only one who has ever felt this tug and pull as a mother. It's not like my life is terrible and I am grateful every day for the good things as well. We are all healthy, we love each other, we are able to support our family and life is good overall.

This is just a time to get through and learn from. I never want to be too busy for my children and I want to have all the energy I need to raise them right. I am sad that I can't do it all and in awe of those who do! I look forward to the Fall when things go back to normal and I am the mother my kids know and love again.

Nah, I change my mind.

2011-08-06T21:33:00.010-10:00

Choose to live by faith and not fear.

Hi, I missed you. I had some free time on this blustery Saturday night and so HELLO FRIENDS! Here's what my iPhone says we've been up to:

Spending as much time as possible with my boys, sneaking in a date night or a temple trip when we can, teaching and working furiously in my office, seeing our favorite musical legend in concert, Asher adjusting to his big boy bed and just being together...sounds about right. Oh and Ambrose started preschool! More about that later. Life is good, but will be much better come September 2nd. See you then.

The Party's Over

2011-07-21T07:45:00.007-10:00

Today is my last day of summer vacation or as I dramatically told Thomas this morning, "My last day of sweet freedom."

I just typed out a way too long post about how sad I was to be going back to work tomorrow after such a great summer vacation and how much I long to just be home, but then I deleted it because you don't need to know every single inane thought that has drifted through my mind on the subject and it started to sound like I hate my job and was some sort of slave.

I do love to teach and I made the choice to take on the extra class and help out when I was asked to do it.

I just need to accept that this term will be my busiest ever and get through it. And that's that.

Sometimes Moms do stuff like this and that's all there is to it.

I will say that dreading this term all summer has taught me something though: I do love that I can conveniently teach a few classes in the evenings while my kids get quality time with their dad, but I will not commit to what I am about to do this term ever again because it's too much time for me, personally, to spend away from my kids. I am not comfortable with it and feel in over my head.

I know my kids are so little but I don't want them to look back on this time in our lives with a big question mark about where their Mama was.

Since I bit off more than I can chew, somewhat, I will be saying adios to a lot of the things I enjoy in an effort to make sure I am getting things done and spending as much quality time with my kids as possible. So, the blogging will be scarce, I'll have to for sure wake up at 5AM if I want to exercise at all, I can't imagine I will be able to attend most of the cool, fun stuff my friends plan to pass the day with the kids or in the evenings to "get-away" with this new schedule, and even the crafting will probably be non-existent.

Sounds like a sad existence to me when I put it that way! Really.

But putting my kids and family life first over this seven week sprint is so worth it. How can I miss out on moments where Asher and Ambrose show me how life would be if I would commit to natural hair extensions:

See you on the other side of it when life returns back to normal Fall semester and I am sure I will be checking in when I can since my poor Mama enjoys a good picture of the kids up in here.

Learning lessons over and over and over....etc.

2011-07-19T21:47:00.005-10:00

When I work out and watch what I eat a little bit more I feel better.

When I play more with my kids and worry less about how to raise them we are all happier and they grow up just fine.

When I put time and energy into people who love me and reciprocate I feel content and complete. It's not like you're leaving people behind if they are not around to be left right? Follow me here.

When I get things done on my to-do list I don't have anxiety.

When we get outdoors we are happy.

When I read my scriptures and pray I feel direction.

When my clothes start feeling tight I should move my body and sweat more.

When I take things off my google reader that are just noise and clutter I don't miss a thing.

When I force myself to go to bed earlier I can wake up and work out and greet my children with a smile instead of irritation in the morning. (Trying not to think of all the psychological damage of having a mother who is genuinely annoyed to see them in the morning might have done to them. Yikes. No one deserves that.)

When I fearlessly pursue all the creative obsessions I have bursting and dancing around in my mind all day I feel complete joy. (Still working on the confidence to say that like I mean it and to actually execute said obsessions before they take over my brain!)

When I act like a 50s housewife and take care of my home, kids, and man with interest and love things run smoothly, our home is like a heaven on earth, and everyone gets what they need. Especially me. And that might be the biggest surprise of them all.

When I blog the things I want to remember forever, the things I think my family will enjoy, the things I want to share with my "honestly on to" pals, and loved ones near and far, and forget the rest, I blog without wondering who will think I am simple, or silly, or self-centered, or whatever. And I like it. Even if it leads to gigantic run-on sentences ok.

When I shower regularly we all win.

Peace.

Sundee Stroll

2011-07-17T21:23:00.003-10:00

Hi. I am having a little FHE potluck gathering in my yard at 5PM tomorrow night. Or today depending on when you read this. Monday night ok? Bring food and lots of it and I hope to see you there!

Ok, picture time.

I love how Asher has to do everything that Ambrose does. All the time.

Have a great week! I have exactly five days left until First Term starts and I go back to teaching so we are living it up starting with the potluck. See you there!

Story Club

2011-07-14T17:26:00.005-10:00

I wanted to keep the Happy School momentum going over the summer to keep Ambrose from drawing on his face due to boredom everyday:

Preschool doesn't start til August so every Tuesday morning for the last two months we have had the Happy School mob over for "Story Club." Each week there was a theme, and we would make stories, read stories, and act out our own stories revolving around that theme. So This American Life. So so fun. I would love to be a children's librarian and this was my chance to pretend.

Every week I would make the kids cheer, "It's Story Club today HOORAY!" Ah man, it was cute and funny. They got really into it and pumped their little fists in the air with great enthusiasm.

Anyway, tonight is the end of the summer party since preschool starts in a couple of weeks and we are going out with a bang!

We're watching Despicable Me, eating homemade pizza, popcorn, treats, enjoying playtime, and lots of imaginative, dramatic games.

This has been a fun little group of pals to be a part of the last couple of years. I love having a house full of kids who are engrossed in their make believe and working hard at having fun. I love the sights and sounds and the sillyness.

Camping Hawaiian Style

2011-07-12T14:07:00.007-10:00

When you camp with your ward in Hawaii you don't just roast a few mallows, sing a few songs, tell a few ghost stories and call it a night. And don't get me wrong, I love that kind of camping, but now I have another category of camping to love: Hawaiian ward camp. We've set-up day camps each year, but this year we did it for real and it was a blast!

You might just have to see it to believe it, but here is a little glimpse of the awesomeness that is:
Devotional and Zumba bright and early every morning. All ages, genders, and sizes shaking what their mama gave them and howling with laughter as a result.

A carnival put on by teenagers for the little kids. Those teenagers might be the most nurturing, thoughtful teenagers on the planet. My kids were babied and oohhed and aaaahhhed over the whole time and they loved it.

Mandatory ward games at night. Like no joke, they will call you out by name over a microphone if they see you milling around your camp site. Once you get your reluctant buns over to the main tent you are glad because it's hilarious and just wholesome and inclusive. I wiped tears away from my eyes from laughing so hard over and over.

All ages dance parties. Thomas is convinced there is a special equation for music they play over the loud speaker in our ward: Jawaiian beat, slightly sexy (but not too much heh heh) 70's vibe, and sometimes just straight up old skool or hip hop. And they play it from the time we wake up until the movie at night. Just imagine it. Glorious.

Oh yes, the movie every night. A kid movie in the middle of camp on a big screen with loud speakers. Every night til midnight the kids are all stretched out with blankets and pillows in jammies enjoying some cute kid movie together like a giant family of brothers and sisters. Some fall asleep and get silly string sprayed on their faces, some get carried off by their mamas mid-movie (Ambrose), some stay for the whole thing before stumbling into their respective tents with their families around midnight.

The annual Dino-egg hunt (watermelons buried on the beach).

The local fire department pulling up for a demonstration of all the cool toys in their firetrucks.

Oh! We all tie-dyed shirts for a ward picture on the beach.

Being with the Parkers and all our other ward friends and having fun! I loved being next to Kristen's site because they kept bringing us heaping plates of Tongan food and it was da bomb. So generous and loving!

Two potlucks and tonight a talent show.

I'm sure I am missing something and I am purposefully leaving out the tantrums my kids threw from lack of sleep or my short temper when they threw fits, but I wouldn't change a minute of it. It was all worthwhile starting with the first night when Daddy and baby were already asleep in the tent and Ambrose leaned over to me in my sleeping bag and whispered, "But Mama, I thought we were gonna look at the stars!"

"Oh yeah let's go!" I said.

We laid out the Mexican blanket in front of our tent and he showed me all the stars he could find and gave them names. And because he is Ambrose he snuggled me real tight, and gave me lots of kisses, and said many adorable things, like, "Oh this is just what I was waiting for!" and "I just love you so much Mama thank you so much!"

Nothing beats that. I want these family moments for us and we definitely got them in buckets this week!

Fourth Favourites

2011-07-08T14:04:00.014-10:00

Favorite image of the whole day:

Ambrose in his wild partriotic get-up streaming past some bewildered Chinese foreign exchange students. Fantastic.

They played so well together all day in honor of America.

Turtle Bay fireworks never disappoint... especially since regular fireworks are banned in our great state these days.

What's more American than fighting over shave ice?

I want a horse and to live on a ranch. But what's new?

Hello beautiful baby

Do you like being an American?

Where you get a day dedicated to curling up on a picnic blanket to have fun with your daddy

and your cheeky brother?

I like it too.

Look what we can do!: Part Four (right?)

2011-07-06T08:38:00.009-10:00

This is our last batch of these unless you guys want to send me more, which we would all love!

Molly T in Florida made a special birthday outfit for her little girl Brooklyn.

I think it is the special details like this that our kids will remember... hopefully! Whenever my kids and I are having an "off" day I want to hold up all the "keepsakes" I've made or pull out pictures from a fun day as a family and say, "See, I can be cool sometimes! I'm not a complete monster... right?" Molly is a fantastic mom and I really look up to her so I love seeing what she does with her kids.

Rachel W in Oregon is actually visiting Hawaii right now! Here's what she was workin' with before her visit though:

I am always impressed with her ability to do more than one type of craft well. Thomas just photographed their entire extended family on the temple grounds the other day and we were looking at the pictures through the editing process and I just felt a great love for good people who love their families and do what is right. It's nice to have people like that in your life. I feel lucky to have so many good examples around me all the time!

Cammie Heaston in Utah is a gem. Seriously. I asked if people wanted to be involved in the service project knowing that it was kind of short notice and at a time when many people who would otherwise pitch in were on vacation so I thought, well, if at least one more person does it then that will be good. When I wasn't hearing much back I shrugged it off as bad timing and then one day in the mail I got this:

A fully completed quilt with expert stitching and even with Hawaiian themed, cheerful fabric! WOW! I was amazed! I know that the long-term patients at Kahuku will be cheered and uplifted by such a beautiful labor of love. Fantastic. Thank you Cammie!

I have one more entry, but I can't find it.... blast! Stay tuned for that one. Have a meaningful, inspired day friends!

Service Reminder!

2011-07-04T13:42:00.005-10:00

I just wanted to remind anyone who was interested about the Society Service project! It's a fast, easy, and worthwhile project for sure. I did mine in an evening. Just 3ft by 3ft and it doesn't even have to be a pieced quilt. It can just be cheerful fabric cut 3' by 3' for the top and bottom. Whatever you like!

It can be as simple or fancy as you like. Here is one my mother-in-law, Linda, did:

So cool! And remember, you don't have to have batting or do any quilting because the ladies are going to do that on Wed night.

I know I have one more at least to look forward to in the mail soon. (Thanks Cammie you are awesome!!)

Anyone else? They are working on these Wednesday the 6th. Thanks friends!

That does it.

2011-06-30T11:35:00.006-10:00

If we stay here in this messy house we will all die.
I'm waiting for my new theme songs to burn to a disc. It needs to come too.
It's so good.
I'm gonna go eat one of my favorite lunches and hit up a thrift store or three.

I'm taking the sidekicks.
Of course.

Maybe magic fairies will come clean my house while I am gone.
Maybe I'll figure out a new name for my line since my favorite one is taken by someone who doesn't even have a shop.
Maybe you'd like to dress like a mermaid too?
Maybe I'll magically get better after I eat some good food.
Maybe we'll find what we are looking for.

Maybe I'll get feeling like myself again.

Maybe we should have left already.

BYE!

Sicklies

2011-06-29T08:26:00.009-10:00

This is our third sick day in a row which means we had to opt out on swim lessons again and cancel a much anticipated trip to "the dinosaur museum" with Grandma and Papa this afternoon.

I always have hesitations of self-doubt when canceling a normal day for us.... am I making the right choice? But it is always the right choie to not infect others right?

So, in order to avoid the somewhat depressing boredom that was yesterday we made a list of what Ambrose thinks we should do today...

Allow me to translate:

1. Build a fort
2. Make peanut butter chocolate chip cookies
3. Watch The Little Mermaid
4. Dance and sing on the family room rug
5. Play with all the Toy Story "critters" and "creacters" (Characters I am guessing... I've just been informed that critters are small and "creacters" are tall. Duh.)
6. March in our own parade
7. PBSkids.org

So, yeah, we've got a lot to do.

Fort's already done.

Oh and I got my top and bottom done the other night for our service project:

Very simple, very fast, very nautical.

Ok, I better go make some cookies. Aloha.

Individuality in Mormonism

2011-06-28T09:09:00.015-10:00

My kids are making forts and watching Barney so I'm going to attempt to type something out really quickly that has been on my mind.

*And before I get started, let me just say that this is my blog and therefore I reserve the right to delete any hateful comments. You don't ever have to agree with me, of course, and I've never gotten a "hate" comment on my blog before, but it could happen.*

Are you nervous about what I am going to post now? HA! Calm down. It's just my thoughts... oh wait, maybe be nervous after-all. Here goes...

Ambrose is getting to a somewhat surprisingly philosophical age. One day he indignantly questioned me for about 20 minutes about why I didn't have the Priesthood. He just didn't believe that I didn't feel left out or even care. I don't understand the women who get hung-up on that and feel maybe theirs is a bigger issue, like, maybe their fathers/husbands are just chauvinists and they need to get more chances to do what they want in their lives. I feel upset for them in that regard as well. That is absolutely pitiable and wrong. I doubt anyone really envies the responsibilities of the Priesthood, but perhaps they do feel powerless and that is an easy complaint to make in that regard. To those women I would just say, consider the power that comes from a person who actively facilities the carrying-out of a blessing in the life of a loved one. Men and women can do that and that is what counts. That seems even more effective to me anyway. How did I get here?

Sorry, back on topic.

The other day in the car Ambrose and I had a conversation that went something like:

A: Mama, I love you most in the whole world. (He was a little giddy because I was taking him to the movies. A rare treat in our house.) You're my precious mommy.
Me: I love you too and you are my amazing Ambrose. Did you know that there is no one just like you in the whole world? Pretty cool huh. Only one Ambrose just like you!
A: But I want to be the same as everybody!
Me: Really? All the time?
A: Yeah.
Me: Even if everyone is smoking?
A: Uh, no. Not then.
Me: Even if everyone is being mean to someone who needs a friend?
A: No not then either! (He started laughing at this point.)
Me: Even if everyone is going to church?
A: (senses a trick) Yeah, then I want to be the same.

I guess I just had this on my mind, because living in an area that is so densely populated with Mormons is a new experience for me these last 7-8 years and this idea of individuality subconsciously pervades any area like it. I saw it in Rexburg, Idaho and I always sense it in Utah.

So many people are so similar in their core beliefs that everyone is dying for any stab at uniqueness. They'll take what they can get too:

-The Mormon with outlandish and sometimes painfully awkward clothing choices
-The Mormon with political beliefs that they may not actually believe
-The Mormon who wears the fact that they seldom keep the Sabbath day holy like a badge of honor
-The Mormon who has a past and is going make sure everyone knows about it
-The Mormon who hates everyone who is happy
-THe Mormon who seems to look for reasons to be offended by their "clueless" neighbors and ward members
-The Mormon like me who is amused by all of this so much that she blogs about it at the risk of sounding extremely judgmental, thus negating her entire purpose for posting it in the first place....heh heh
-The Mormon who is dying to be in a leadership position so much that all their interactions feel like a political campaign

etc, etc, etc

I guess my point is that it is all pretty harmless until we feel like we need to be so different from our "cookie-cutter, do-gooder, normal run-of-the-mill happy" LDS neighbors that we lose sight of why we are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the first place.

If you are an adult member of this Church, chances are you have felt the whisperings of the spirit and you know how sweet that is. You know that you need faith, but that you also need knowledge and it is up to you to find out the answers for yourself.

A solid testimony is YOURS, is unique, is personal and makes you who you are. No one will ever have the same one or be just like you. It is personal and makes you a true individual.

I love that I know this is true.

I'll spare you

2011-06-28T07:50:00.005-10:00

I'll spare you a whiny post about:

-how my kids were both magically sick the day of their "well-child" annual check-ups
-how Asher "tossed his cookies" ALL OVER the waiting room at the doctors office
-how I was so shocked I just tried to catch it in my hands (???) and so a passerby cleaned him up until I could come to
-how Ambrose was amused and chipper the whole three-hour fiasco of a visit until the very end when he had to get a TB shot, two vaccinations in his right thigh and one in his left annnnnd
-how I had to hold him and his arms down for all of it while he foamed at the mouth and thrashed like an angry shark
-how he yelled, "I DO NOT LIKE YOU ANYMORE AUNTY WHO LIVES AT THE DOCTORS OFFICE!" to the poor nurse after
-how Asher climbed up on the chair behind me and clung to my back sobbing while all this was going on
-how I bribed them both with large amounts of candy that I had to deliver on after even if one had puked and the other didn't deserve so much as a lick
-how Asher cried for his shirt the entire time, which obviously was collateral damage of the whole catastrophe
-how once they both silently ate their candies at the pharmacy they were totally fine

Yeah, I'll spare you a post about all that.

Society Service!

2011-06-27T08:25:00.010-10:00

Calling all society sisters!

Kahuku hospital needs our help!

They are in dire need of lap quilts for their long-term care patients. My ward has the goal to provide at least 12 of them for the hospital and I told them we would help!

No pressure if you can't, but if you can they are asking for "cheerful" fabric quilts. You don't even have to make it super complicated and fancy, but the dimensions of the top and bottom need to be 3 feet by 3 feet when the quilt is completed and that can just be as simple as a 3' x 3' piece of fabric for top and bottom.

I'm thinking about doing large squares for my top and one big piece for the bottom.

This would be a great way to
1. get your feet wet if you have never attempted quilt piecing before
2. use those scraps you have no idea what to do with
3. use your talents to help someone in need

If you have batting and want to finish the quilt that is great, but if you just want to create the top and bottom and drop that off or mail it to me make sure I get it by July 5th since the ladies will be putting batting in all the quilts and quilting them together the night of the 6th.

So anyone in? Please? :)

Email me if you live far away at stephaniexrobertson(at)gmail(dot)com if you need my mailing address! Or if you live around here, just drop off your cheery print 3'x3' top and bottom or finished quilt as soon as you can!

Hooray for the very first My Cup of Tea Sewing Society service project! Let's do this!

(Photo)

Ala Moana Beach Park

2011-06-26T21:57:00.005-10:00

For the last day we just took it easy at Ala Moana beach park with the pop-up shade, a cooler full of delciousness, fun friends and great weather!

Aloha 'Oe Stay-cation 2011. You filled the empty void of not being able to go home this summer nicely. I miss you friends and family on the Mainland, so very much, but I will see you next summer and in the meantime I am here so I am definitely going to look on the bright side and enjoy! Back to real life now...

Waikiki Aquarium and a roof-top pool

2011-06-26T09:02:00.013-10:00

Thomas was trying to ignore a bad cold all week and finally gave in on Thursday so we let him have a quiet house to sleep in all day and had fun with the Parkers again. Can't beat a day of fun that costs under $10 total. Love being a Kama'aina in Hawaii. We should really take advantage of this stuff more often!

Swimming amongst the high-rises is pretty awesome. Ambrose amazed me with his new swimming skills!

After this vacation I would very much like to buy an underwater camera like Matti's. Look how cool!

One more day of these stay-cation pictures...can you take it?

Wet N' Wild Water Park

2011-06-25T16:03:00.009-10:00

On Wednesday we went to the Wet N Wild water park in Kapolei. That's a lot of W's. We got the Kama'aina pass that's good til December. It's the only thing we really spent money on the entire "stay-cation" and it is well worth it! Such a fun day for everyone. I really thought I would be stuck "having fun" with Asher all day but even the kid area was fun for parents! We loved having Demitri, Becky, and the Parkers along for the day too. Thanks for all these cool pictures Matti!

We've really never played so hard. Everyone was exhausted by time we finally tore ourselves away to go home.

See ya real soon water park!

Polynesian Cultural Center

2011-06-24T17:04:00.004-10:00

The Zoo was on Monday and on Tuesday we had planned to go with G&G Robertson to the Bishop Museum, but then I realized that they are closed on Tuesdays.... luckily we remembered our PCC passes we seldom use! It was rainy, but fun. I am so glad we have those Kama'aina passes and plan to go more in the future. So cool to have a theme park in our tiny town.

Honolulu Zoo

2011-06-23T23:03:00.005-10:00

We used our annual passes (thanks again Mom and Dad) to attend the Honolulu Zoo for Gideon's 2nd birthday!

Thanks Matti for these three pictures! I can't believe Thomas and I both made it out of there without a single picture taken between the two of us. Very very unlike us. Must have been too busy gawking at the animals and chasing our wild animals around! Echo had an adorable activity set up for all the kids where they ate something out of a snack bag at various sites. The kids loved it and it made the Zoo way more fun...and we usually have fun there so that's saying a lot!