23 June 2010

blogs are stupid

because you can't really communicate exactly what's in your heart.

I felt good about what I wrote because it felt nice to get all that I was thinking out and feel good about working hard to raise my boys and I got some nice feedback from friends and then later tonight I started to think of some close friends and family who I know work and hope that they would read my post for what I meant it to be and not take offense....

and then Thomas was like, "well of course you're going to hurt people's feelings if you write that..."

and I was like, "really??" because I am thick enough to think that people will see it for what it meant to me... but...

ugh. Hurting people I love was not on the agenda... in fact, there was no agenda other than to work out my own feelings on the subject and hopefully help others in the my position to feel encouraged too.

To every friend or family member who works: I felt good about writing this FOR ME and now that I go back and read it and talk about it with Thomas I feel like I probably just hurt a bunch of people's feeling instead even though no one commented that I did... but still. I kind of want to delete it all but you have probably already read it and if you are offended... Don't Be.

How lame am I? It's hard to say what you feel for yourself and not come off sounding like you are speaking for the whole world.

I meant what I said, but didn't mean it in a point-the-finger at anyone but me kind of way.

I hope no one was hurt, because it was a good pep talk for me and I think you are great.

The end.


liko said...

i still remember that talk about choosing to be offended.

don't be.

simple as that.

and blogs are meant for the writer to express themselves anyway.

so, yo, steph, don't sweat it!

Jessica F. said...

You shouldn't have to apologize for being honest. Especially when there are so many people who feel the same way.

Raising children is the greatest calling ever.

Being "offended" is a choice!

melissa marie said...

i think it's sweet that thomas was honest with you and sweet that you feel bad for possibly offending anyone. what a bunch of sweetersons. it is a touchy subject, though, so it's understandable. i'd say you were pretty clear about saying this is what's best for YOU and not EVERY PERSON, so no biggie.

speaking of offensive, it's been two years since i've seen you. if you don't remedy this by the end of july, i'll be way mad. xxoo

Ashley said...

Since I am a mother who works full time I get to tell you that you shouldn't worry about offending anybody by your last post. If they were offended it is probably because they already feel guilty about working and not being at home with their children. I have been telling Ben that as soon as Lincoln is aware that I am gone all day I will have to quit my job. Well, yesterday when I went during lunch to feed him he started smiling and jabbering at me when he saw me....I think he is aware now. I know staying at home isn't easy, but I am looking forward to not having to get us both ready before 8:30am, pumping at work, and then craming in making dinner, cleaning and laundry while wanting to play with Lincoln before he goes to bed. I see calm days of lounging in the morning, playing with toys, reading books, cleaning and laundry while he is sleeping, making dinner before 7:00pm, hanging out with friends, and actually getting to relax when they go to bed at night. Some day when I am feeling bad about being stuck at home with screaming children all day I need to remember how stressed I feel right now. Plus I think I will be so sad when he does something for the first time and I am not there to see it.

laurel said...

Awe Steph. I second what Melissa said. But I tell you what, I thought it was so great to read about how you really were feeling and yeah, I think you made it super clear that it wasn't about anyone else.

ashley said...

yo baby. don't sweat it. your post was your post on your blog and you should not worry about it. it was beautiful and not to offend- at least i don't think. you da bomb- even if you feel like you really are a ticking time bomb at times (goodness, i know i do) your doing the best job!

Bitty said...

As is probably clear from my overly emotional blog I think a blog is like a journal. So express what you feel. I always hope that people will just assume the best in others and not take offense. I read your post and I think your meaning was clear.

kristi said...

I am so over all these mommy wars, competition it feels between the stay at home moms and working mothers.

Feeling like we have to justify and defend our choices and explain why we choose to do what we do.


No choice is better or best for everyone as a whole, only as an individual do you choose between good, better and best on this specific decision.

Quality over quantity I say!!

And you know what the grass is always greener on the other side.

Some say being a working mother is easy some say being a stay at home mom is easy. Well you know what - have you put your 2 feet on both sides and experienced them first hand for longer than a couple months?

Being offended is a choice - choose not to be offended and be satisfied with your choice and not battle with the continual war!

Parenthood is not "EASY"

Kristi said...

hahah I just left a total soap box comment.

Thanks for posting - I love to read and I say don't apologize - it's your blog and your life and your opinion - isn't that the definition of a blog. hahah

Molly said...

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself! If the reader truly knows you, then they know your heart and know what you meant. If they don't know you, then it's their problem and they should get to know you!!! We all know and love you. You wouldn't say anything you thought would offend someone. We get it. You're cool, I'm cool, we're all cool about this.

e.c.t.d. said...

I love your posts about motherhood. I enjoy reading about your conflicting thoughts because it's so clear and obvious how much you love your children and your calling at this point in your life, but I still think it's okay to question and doubt because that is how we grow. Keep up the good work! I know I will be consulting with you and your motherly wisdom when I have one of my own!

Mariko said...

I offend people all the time with my blog. It's part of sharing. Who was it that said "writers are very private people who walk around naked in public?"
And I know people are offended by it. I often wonder how David Sedaris has anyone who likes him.
I'm not offended. I'm a working mom. And I don't like it. I feel similarly how I want to be the person seeing and doing all the at-home kid moments, and not someone else. Amaya has been loving the summer. And I'm not super good at it. I have more patience for my job than I do for my life. But I still think it's important. I have to work. It's not really a choice for us (curse BYU). But I've been lucky enough to have a child whose Dad is almost as much of a stay at home parent as I am. During her first and second years he was the primary stay at home guy and I think most kids don't get that. This year it will be me first semester and him 2nd semester. How lucky is that?

Patria said...

hi friend! no offense taken here (: like you, i feel that writing on the blog is often a nice way to attempt to share something in our hearts and minds with others. families do things so many different ways, here, there and all over the world. there are a variety of ways to raise children, i don't believe there is only one right way. there really are remarkable differences among women. we can't do it all the same way. i also think that it's easy in our church culture to get caught up in thinking that being a stay at home mom is the end all be all and get tunnel vision, leaving out how they can engage and contribute to the world around them... i get bugged by that. i think more is expected of us at some point, given the intensity of the needs around us.

a mermaid said...

i am surrounded by amazing women. amazing i tell you! love you all.

snbjork said...

I love your blog, Stephanie. You have such a way of writing just what seems to be in your heart (not that I could ever really know what was going on in your heart, but you know what I mean). And more often than not it's almost exactly what is going on in my head and heart, too. You are so good at expressing your very real feelings, experiences, and opinions. I hope you will never stop writing. You very often inspire me in more ways than one.

Moms rule.

P.S. I am so glad to hear that you and Ambrose are best friends. I totally cried when I read that. Aren't those babes just pure awesomeness? Sent straight from heaven. And I swear they still are so connected to that place. They know just when and how to help us to heal and get over ourselves!

KristenE. said...

Hey Steph! I TOTALLY agree with you =) You are too funny....you have never ONCE offended me =) I didnt even think to be offended. As a working mother, I so very much wish that I could stay home with my baby girl, but it just isnt in the cards right now...sadly. I know that one day Adam and I will be able to afford for me stay at home =) Each mother is different and each family is different. I feel sad for the women that try to find work as an escape from motherhood...I find motherhood as an escape from everyday life! I have no idea how any mother with any natural maternal instinct and deep love for their children can say that they would rather be at work. Everything you said was completely valid. If someone took offense, I hope they are smart enough to know that they dont have to read what you write =) Love you my Stephanie!I miss you!

P.s. sorry I was so tired on saturday, my attitude was coming off as bored and irritated. I just wanted to find a nice bed...hehe. I was sooooo happy and stoked to see you and Echo and kiddios =)

Damaris said...

I really liked what mariko and patria said, mostly because I really like them and because I think they're so intelligent. The other comments were good too.

Anyway, I went to school full time and worked but did it the same time that Christian did so one of us was always (99.9%) of the time with Enzo. I agree with mariko I think Enzo is super lucky that he got me and Christian to stay home and to leave home.

Every family is different. If you're going to stay home and hate it and want to kill yourself go to work. If you'r working and you hate it, quite your job. I wish it were that simple right? I wish everyone had the choice of either working or staying home and were forced into anything because of financial circumstances.

sorry for the super long comment.

ps. I was raised by a working mom. she is so awesome. however, her dream was to be a stay at home mom. she still works and my dream is to one day be financially well so that I can help her stay home, my home :)