These days are long.

I took these one lazy afternoon last week. We have a lot of lazy afternoons now that I am working in the early morning.





I am grateful for this even if I don't always enjoy every second.

My friend sent me a really good article about the life of a stay-at-home mother and how we don't have to seize the day or enjoy and savor every little moment. If this seems confusing or counter-intuitive to what you have been told by magazines, blogs, and other well-meaning moms-- you are in the same boat I was when I first read the article's title, but JUST READ IT and it will make sense.

I love my children and we have happy moments together and I am so glad to be in a position right now where I can be with them pretty much all day long, but it is not always fun, easy, or even completely worthwhile and fulfilling. There are days when I am counting down the nano-seconds until I can toss their whiny little selves into bed so I can get a second of peace, there are embarrassing public displays of tantrums and me losing it in front of a line of childless independents with snide or disapproving looks on their faces, there are frequently more time-outs than "blog worthy" moments, and there are moments of longing for a life outside of my current one. A well-dressed, carefree, late-night out, jet-set kind of life. I will be honest enough to admit that.

But for some reason, no matter how long the day has been or how many times Asher had to hug his brother and say sorry or how many times Ambrose went bat-crazy over treats... I want more. MORE MORE MORE. I want more. And I want to be better and I never, ever want to give up and I want to sneak in their sleepy, dark bedroom to gaze at their puffy cheeks breathing in and out and hold their soft, limp little hands in mine and just breathe in the thick, dreamy air.

I wake up sleepy, but my heart beats faster as soon as I hear their drowsy little voices, groggily asking for something outrageous and just before my temper spikes at such an unreasonable request I catch a glimpse of their wild tufts of bedhead.

These days are long, but not forever, and I do not have to enjoy every single moment, but I am so grateful they are mine.

Spy kid

The camera was not ready for me when I took this picture, but the spy kid was.

So it's over-exposed and that's fitting for this phase of life right now: Ambrose gets really into things he loves lately and I can't keep up.

Well spent.

Thomas was gone Thursday and Friday night so I spent my downtime watching TV shows.

I was gone Saturday night and so Thomas spent his downtime doing this.

He is cool.

Speech therapy's working unfortunately.

I'm mostly kidding, but kind of not.

Today we were indoors for way too long and everyone was feeling the strain of too many hours cooped up together in the same brightly colored space. Every well-meaning decoration in my happy little home was closing in on us menacingly.

Ambrose was getting over some serious nausea from extra asthma treatments he had to have on Monday and it was raining on and off all day so we were trapped. It's not like we're 24/7 beach people anyway, but today indoors was long.

Just when the boys would seem happily occupied with one thing I would hear screaming or scuffling and have to referee. Parents who have two children purposely have one to play with the other so disagreements of any sort really buck against that bullet proof plan. It's so annoying.

Asher is learning to speak. I am elated, but this new-found communicative freedom is also not going according to plan.

3 times today I felt the sting of a child who is learning he has a right to express his opinion.

And it was hilarious.

Example No.1: I hear screams of indignant protest from Ambrose that Asher is ruining his train track and life. I come in and bark, "Asher?! Why? Just stop it." He looks at me and throws a track behind his head sending Ambrose into a shriek that could be heard across America. "ASHER!" I warn him. Asher glares, sticks out his bottom lip and declares, "Baby Mama."

I'm stunned. "Did you just call Mama a baby Asher?"

"Da," he offers defiantly.

Ambrose's fury is immediately replaced by delight as I try and hold back laughter and calmly walk Asher to the time-out chair.

Example No.2: Asher is sitting on his brother's head. Of course.

What started as a hilarious game where they pretend to fall asleep on Asher's bed and wake each other up in wild and raucous ways has now, inevitably, turned violent.

I warn from my room where I am folding clothes, "Ash, get off!" as loud as I can since I need to be heard over Ambrose's dramatic pleas for air. We do not need to spend a whole additional day hanging out at the doctors because Ambrose can't breathe. I'm thinking of us all here, but mostly my sanity.

"ASH!" I give him one more chance.

That's it. I march in his room and pry them apart as Ambrose rolls away like he's just been saved from the jaws of a great white or something.

Asher pouts on his bed in frustration. All he wanted to do was kill his brother and now what?

I poke my head in five minutes later to see him in the same thwarted position.

"Asher, let's go play." I'm a big fan of redirection... in theory.

"Come on Asher boy.... I looooooove you!" This always works. He can never resist saying one of his only two-word phrases in response.

And then, in as low-voice as possible for a very, very tiny human he states, "No, uve-you, Mama."

I'll translate: MY BABY CHILD JUST SAID HE DIDN'T LOVE ME! Not even Ambrose, who has said MANY things has stooped so low.

I just said, "What?!" and he turned the frown upside-down and laughed like he was the funniest person in the world.

Final Example No.3: Asher was being naughty in the tub- splashing and not listening or whatever- so Daddy sent him out in his towel, over to me to help get PJs on.

Immediately I found myself in that scene from Charlottes Web when they gave Wilbur a buttermilk bath and then had to chase him down and wrestle him into the green crate to take to the fair. Asher was some pig alright. He was even squealing while I was struggling to get his diaper on, but then I stopped hearing the blood pumping through my ears long enough to realize that my little piglet was emphatically demanding, "GetOutMama!" over and over and over.

Well I never. I said, "Get out Mama?" and he said, "Da!!" and since we are supposed to give him what he wants in speech therapy if he communicates I finished putting on his diaper and promptly left him to his green crate, or uh, room.

I miss my sweet little mute.

Routine.

Every morning I wake up at six and try and get five hundred things done including teaching an English class and I have been for the last five days.

So far it's working.

If I get five hundred things done before 8:30 or 9:10 (depending on the day) then I get to come home and do this all day:


It is wonderful.

Also, wanna cure your wildly frustrating case of insomnia? Have five hundred things to do everyday starting from 6AM-8:30AM or so. Problem solved.

No. 12 is good and done! (27 before 28 list)

Well, we traveled to another island.

My mom and dad came to town and just when we thought it couldn't get any more fun they took us to Kaua'i!

I had never been before and Thomas hadn't been since he was like 14. WE LOVED IT! That probably goes without saying.




It felt nice to get away from it all for four days and three nights of lush green countryside goodness.

Thomas turned 32 on Kaua'i and we stayed at the Marriott Vacation Club resort

and swam, saw Waimea Canyon

, and my mom paid for everyone to go on a booze cruise!






She is probably shaking her head at that last part. She didn't know it would be all about booze, and it really wasn't for us anyway, it was all about whales and more whales and fulfilling my life-long dream of sailing out in the deep blue sea.




Now I just miss my parents. A lot. They are fun, and good, and wonderful. Thanks so much for coming and spoiling us like you do and just doing my heart good. We love you!

I realize I may be speaking to a very specific kinda nerd here...

but anyone else can't help but think of Sonnet 116 when altering clothes to fit a loved one?

"Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds..."

What's that? Just Shakespeare's wife and no one? No one then?

Ok, good me neither....

It has become evident...

1. When I am making designs and patterns up as I go I encounter interesting road-blocks... like, what exactly was my game plan for the straps for these backpacks I made the boys? I still don't know. I will have to make that up sometime when I haven't been making things up all night.

2. I sure do have a "look" I keep going for don't I? What would happen if the next thing I made had nothing to do with anchors, sailing, red, mustard, navy, or turquoise? Would I die?

3. Hours were spent on details my kids won't give a hoot about. I lined this bag and gave it an interior pocket and made sure the top flap was lined... my kids surely won't notice the adorable vintage, nautical fabric inside--they just want to make sure one doesn't have more fruit snacks than the other.

4. It's also apparent that I go to great lengths for even a glimmer of promise of silence at church. That's what these are for. One day a week. Lined and hand-stitched and lined again and my own pattern... for one hour, really, a week. Great lengths my friends.

5. In spite of all these earth-shattering revelations, I still had a fantastic time making these backpacks with good music in the background and the image of how excited they'll be to have something their very own with their names hand-stitched on that their Mama made with love .... and the hope that they'll zip it for a few minutes, I'll take just a few, at church.

Did you watch that video I just posted?

It explains a little about what Daughters in My Kingdom is all about.

You can click on the title of the book in this post for more info. If you haven't already received a copy in your ward you can go to that link to buy or read a copy and most smart phone owners can even read it on their phone!

I just finished reading it and I cannot recommend it enough. Chapters 4,5,7,9, and 10 in particular if you don't want to read the whole thing, but really the whole thing filled me with such a sense of purpose, light, happiness, and optimism for the future that I suggest you read it all if you haven't already!

Some favorite passages:

"Hold your head high, you wives, you mothers, homemakers. You engender life and enrich it. Don't trade that pervasive force for fleeting, surface trinkets. Cherish it, enlarge it, magnify it. You hold a mighty office" (159).

"Whenever a woman strengthens the faith of a child, she contributes to the strength of a family - now and in the future" (159).

And so many others like it and the history of the women in the church and the countless stories of people who gave so much of their time, talents, and all that they had to help and serve others. Smart women, good women, imperfect but willing women.

I think women are pulled in so many directions today- which can be wonderful sometimes and completely defeating at other times. It is so refreshing to feel a part of something so large and noble that is a part of everyone's heritage. It is empowering to know that not only is this our legacy, but we can also feel the same pure joy by doing all we can to bless the lives of our families and those who need our help- and the amazing thing- in turn we will be blessed too!

Who else has read it? What was your favorite part?

Watch this!