19 March 2011

From the heart.

I hope no one minds me sharing something personal. I'm feeling a little emotional because four years ago this very hour I knew it was time to push. I had been through 24 hours of absolute hell. I would never wish 24 hours of hard pumping petocin on my worst enemy. I have never felt so out of control in my life. Ambrose Carl Robertson finally came out screaming. He screamed for the next four months. He challenged my every waking hour and even the very few minutes I got to sleep each night.

He has challenged me every single day since then.

In the very best way.

Not a day over these last four years has gone by that I haven't lost my patience with him, not a day has gone by that I haven't had to resort to threats or time-outs to get him to finally cooperate, not a day has gone by that I haven't been the center of attention in public in a bad way....

and I am so grateful. I know you saw that one coming since I am a mother and we say things like that, but it is totally true.

If you really know Ambrose you know he is pure magic. All my dear friends have a crush on his charming little self and tell me gushing stories about the hilariously wise or ridiculous things that come out of his mouth after a day of him playing at their house. All his teachers at church or swim lessons or the old preschool we used to go to praise his manners and how smart he is. If you know him you have probably had to scold him, but you also LOVE him.





He is special. He can be hard to deal with. He gets better and more reasonable the older he gets. He is emotional. He is absolutely wonderful and so perfect just the way he is.

I'm sad to say that in my lowest, most vulnerable, stressed-out, tired moments I have wondered why Heavenly Father trusted me with such a huge spirit. It makes me cry to type that, but it's true. He's so much more than I am equipped to handle sometimes, but I am so honored to be Ambrose Robertson's mother. I know something amazing is in store for him and I will do my best to help him get there. Even if it makes me look like a frazzled mom in public now and then. Even if it humbles me on a regular basis as I have to recommit over and over to not lose my cool again and again and again. Even if it takes every ounce of my patience.





Ambrose is a wonderful gift and I am so happy he is mine! He's one of my dearest, closest friends who loves me unconditionally always. I'm terrified for the day he finally holds a grudge. Each morning he greets me with the most cheerful embrace and creative plans for the day. Smothers me in kisses. A fresh start.

Anyway, I think if I have learned anything up to this point in the long, winding road of being Ambrose's mother it is that labor with him was so hard and overwhelming with no end in sight (I was at a 3 for 22 hours with the contractions off the chart.), but I knew when it was time to push. I can never compare him to what other kids his age do, or what a magazine article claims this week, or what some new complicated hoops some pop culture parenting book claims I have to jump through OR ELSE are because it never, ever, ever works. The only things that do are following the spirit, not ignoring my intuition and making prayerful decisions as a family unit.

And above all, I've got to be there for him. He's the best and he deserves that much and more.

Happy Birthday my baby boy. I am so grateful you are mine! Thank you for teaching me so much.

I love you I love you, my dear boy I hope you know how much I crazy love you.

20 comments:

echo said...

we LOVE ambrose. he does have something amazing in store for him in this life. i have no doubt about that.

KristenE. said...

Im getting all emo right now =( i remember the first time i saw this little guy...i wanted to take him home with me! I still want to whenever i see him =) He is such a special spirit, so strong-willed and loving. You are such a wonderful mother and my inspiration! We love you sooo much!

Ashley said...

I love our cute and sassy Ambrose!

ashley said...

steph, you have done good my friend. you have done good.
amby is one of a kind in a great amazing way, i love the way his little mind works! makes me glad that he and ivy could have been an item for a while ( i understand they are not boyfriend and girlfriend at the moment). it's so fun to watch these little people grow up!

Nate and Julie said...

I love you cousin! And Happy birthday to the sweet Ambrose boy!

Anna K. said...

I LOVE AMBROSE!!!!!!

Emily said...

I know. I know. I know!

And happy birthday Ambrose! :)

Taylor said...

beautiful writing. beautiful family. beautiful sentiments.

love you guys.

Diana said...

i just agree so much about how special and magical ambrose is. you described his charm perfectly--he is everything that is good about childhood, and i love him very much. i love his mother too. you are very inspirational.

melissa marie said...

look at that baby grow! he is such a good looking rascal, too.

Smiths said...

... you summed it up so perfectly. Thank you for giving us Ambrose. I like him more every time I'm around him.

kimball said...

I can't wait for spring break to see you.

stef j. said...

well done friend. what a lovely little fireball you have there... 3 years done, decades to go. :)

Carrie said...

You should know it translates through blogland too. I've never met him and I love him.

Melissa said...

ah I love him and you're right everybody does! I feel like I know him so well because he and my kaiya have so much in common! But they are so different too... their own unique souls.

happy birthday little guy!

Megan and Keli'i said...

Beautifully written, friend. What a little cutie you've got there.

boo face mcjones said...

Oh, he's so beautiful. Always has been. He must get that trait from his mom.

Mariko said...

What a mommy you are. I'm glad our kids are so alike, it gives us a reason to keep obsessing. :) Thank you for being REAL too.
I had no idea that it was he who was calling out to Amaya. She ran out the door without one thought for us!

laurel said...

love you ambrose (and stephanie).

liko said...

that was beautiful. he is an awesome little dude!