07 December 2011

"Butt-white"

Has your doctor ever commanded you become "Butt-white"? I've never heard a man that old utter those classy words before.

He's an award winning doctor and I like his sassy wit, but look at the girl in the Myspace-esque picture below:

She's not exactly tan.

Apparently she has enough of the wrong kinds of moles to have a 1/4 chance of Melanoma. And that sassy, elderly doctor is very upset with her for her "tan."

I've been given specific directions about a daily sunscreen routine, even if the only sun I see is to the car and back, and an order to return every six months until I am "Butt-white." Do you like how I keep capitalizing the "Butt" part as if it's an official title or something?

So, if you see me wearing all manner of creative winter clothing:

pat me on the back or introduce me to the casting director for Tim Burton films.
Look it's Thomas and me!

Sincerely,

Snow Butt-White

15 comments:

Erin said...

Hey, we are in the same club!! And YES, if you can believe it, I've been told that. "Put your arm next to your butt, and when they are the same color, I"ll be happy."

Does that mean if I tan my butt....

Uh, nevermind!

Christina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christina said...

Bahahahahahahaha! A serious matter but what a funny way to put it! Come live in Canada for a few winter months and you'll be very much 'Butt White'!

melissa said...

i'm sorry i just can't think of a response that's witty enough to surpass all of the times the word Butt was capitalized in this post.

Matti said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jared Zane said...

I am so scared to go to the skin doctor because I have so many moles. I know I should go! Butt white? We can be Butt white together
~Anna

Melissa said...

haha ha ha you said the words Butt and white so many times in this post.
your whiteness makes me feel better about my whiteness. My doctor guaranteed me that I will have skin cancer on my face. (specifically my nose) before I turn 50....yikes.

I love your tights.

liko said...

oh my gosh!! this has me rolling with laughter!!!
and it's a good thing you can wear tights in your AC office/classroom. i just feel sorry for you when you step back outside into hawaii weather.

and butt-white -- that's funny. believe it or not my butt is pretty white, and i can't remember the last time the rest of me matched up. hahaha!!

liko said...

soon you're going to have to sport an umbrella and gloves -- ;-)

Megan and Keli'i said...

Oh man I have the same regimen prescribed...guess what self tanner isn't all that bad :). Sunless tan and just don't use for a week or so before returning to your doc. Ps- my favorite part if this post was "Snow Butt White"! Pure genius.

kimball said...

Sorry Steph. That is why I coat myself in sunscreen when I visit you and most of the year here in sunny California. My dad and two older brothers have had some serious surgeries on the face, head and arms for the same reason. My older cousin JB died last year of skin cancer. Enough said.

Melissa said...

I just wanted to point out that the picture of my hair on my blog is not me now...that was like a few years back!

my hair is extremely long right now...you might not be saying you like it when you actually see it! lol I need a haircut!

Diana said...

best. post. ever. except, i really hope you don't get cancer.

Ali said...

You make me laugh! I need a pair of those tights too.

Love,

Your whitest friend ever,

ALI-bino

StaceynMark said...

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! ha. ha.