I have fat in all the wrong places. No, this is not going to be a post about me wanting to lose weight, although I would love to because I am slowing gaining weight due to the subject matter I am about to ask you about.
Every time my lifestyle catches up with me (late night treat sessions in front of a movie with my husband, extra snacking with friends, stress eating in a house of wild boys all day) I listen to the fat collecting around my hips, waist and thighs and hit the road for a long, delicious run.
Running has been my best friend, comfort, source of personal inspiration, therapy, magic mood pill, energizer....etc. for a long time now and increasingly over the last couple of years it has become more and more difficult because of a lack of fat...
on the bottoms of my feet.
A strange, and annoying problem.
As each step pounds the pavement I feel as if a nail or two or sometimes fifty are driving themselves up into the balls and heels of my feet.
I ignored it for a long time, only paying for it dearly when I did long runs like the Great Aloha 8 miler. Having to put my feet up for the next 24 hours after a race seemed like a small price to pay for the endorphins and instant toning that running afforded me.
However, over the last year it has become impossible to even walk barefoot in my own home so I have worn house slippers or even "flip flops" night and day (except for sleeping of course). This is tricky in Hawaii since everyone is expected to remove their shoes no matter what in other peoples homes so I pack around a little pair of house slippers in my purse and look like a weirdo or just limp around trying to not look too pathetic.
I tried taking it easy, not running for like the whole summer, everything I could think of basically and the problem never got better so I decided to ask my PCP for a referral to a Podiatrist and she eagerly recommended someone who was supposed to be really great and he eagerly recommended that all I needed to do was to wear his special ugly-as-sin shoes from his very own shop. When I asked him about my other options if I didn't want to simply wear his brand of shoes for the next 70 years of my life he truly acted like a nerdy adolescent boy who had been turned down at prom or like I had called his mother ugly.
I just really can't imagine that that is the best solution I can rely upon for the rest of my entire life.
Especially since I bought the $70 ugly-as-sin sandals and they didn't feel any better than my regular Reefs. I came home from a kids party whimpering and had to keep my feet up after.... it was worse than before.
The $40 shoe-support inserts from his shop didn't fit in any of my shoes and were the same brand and fit as the sandals.
Both were taken back for a full refund luckily.
I did, however, keep the $130 running shoes and got some mileage out of them, my spirits soaring, feeling like I had at least found one grand solution to my problem..... until all of a sudden I could feel those pesky "nails" again and every crunching bone with each step. If you saw a 26-year-old girl limping home on Kam Hwy sobbing last Saturday.... that was me. Embarrassing. I had been promised by the doctor that I could still run, even long distances, and that it would do no damage to my feet AND that his magic running shoes would solve all my problems.
The podiatrist did help me in the sense that now I know the source of my problem. If you, reading this, are normal then you might have maybe 2 inches of fat on the bottom of your feet cushioning your steps everyday and I, for some reason, have a stretched out 1/3 of an inch or something like that was his guess. It makes sense, but it totally sucks.
Thomas told me very gently on Saturday, when I finally made it home, that I might just have to face the facts that I can't be a runner anymore. All runners won't think me dramatic when I say that this made me sob in a little ball on the end of the couch for a while.
I could face that fact. It's really not the end of the world.... but what about everyday life?
We had a fun family activity on Saturday at the beach and the sand felt great on my feet. Then we got home to rinse off in the yard before heading upstairs and had an impromptu family water fight and I needed it after my morning sob session! It was HILARIOUS and we were all four laughing so hard, but in the middle of all the fun.... I felt my "nails" and suddenly realized I still had to shower, get the boys cleaned up, make dinner, get them ready for bed, dishes, the floors were a wreck...etc. and my feet were KILLING ME.
Thomas felt awful, telling me he could take care of all the parenting and chores that night without me.... but should he have to? For the rest of our lives? Can I get new fat pads?
I have a prescription from my PCP for a couple of pain meds including my favorite, Vicodin, but I really don't want that to be my solution. I haven't ever picked-up the already filled prescriptions because, I'm not gonna lie, I like Vicodin and it just doesn't seem like a great long-term solution. Or even short-term. I can't be all sleepy with two wild babes to look after no matter how bad this hurts.
I want to see another doctor, but now I'm all nervous that the next one will just try to sell me old people shoes that don't actually make my feet feel better and shrug off all the other "more expensive and not as tried and true" solutions. I just don't know who to trust or go to or if anything can really be done about my stupid fat pads... or lack thereof.
So, if you have made it through all my complaining and self-pity I am just wondering.... what should I do?
Do you have this problem? Do you know someone with this problem?
The podiatrist mentioned a new surgery that he was unwilling to explore, but does anyone know about it? I'm feeling sad about this and desperate enough to sound pathetic and ask for your help. I am not even asking to be able to run in the 5k and half marathon I have already paid for.... I just want to function normally for my family without having to buy some ugly shoe from a shoe salesman posing as a doctor for the next 70 years.... because that's a long time and those shoes didn't fix the problem. I really hope I have more options than that. Maybe I don't.
(a common, pathetic sight in our home... me with my aching feet up... did you know you need your feet to do like almost EVERYTHING...)
If anyone knows what I am talking about or knows someone who does can I talk to them please?
Thanks for reading friends.
