21 July 2011

The Party's Over

Today is my last day of summer vacation or as I dramatically told Thomas this morning, "My last day of sweet freedom."

I just typed out a way too long post about how sad I was to be going back to work tomorrow after such a great summer vacation and how much I long to just be home, but then I deleted it because you don't need to know every single inane thought that has drifted through my mind on the subject and it started to sound like I hate my job and was some sort of slave.

I do love to teach and I made the choice to take on the extra class and help out when I was asked to do it.

I just need to accept that this term will be my busiest ever and get through it. And that's that.

Sometimes Moms do stuff like this and that's all there is to it.

I will say that dreading this term all summer has taught me something though: I do love that I can conveniently teach a few classes in the evenings while my kids get quality time with their dad, but I will not commit to what I am about to do this term ever again because it's too much time for me, personally, to spend away from my kids. I am not comfortable with it and feel in over my head.

I know my kids are so little but I don't want them to look back on this time in our lives with a big question mark about where their Mama was.

Since I bit off more than I can chew, somewhat, I will be saying adios to a lot of the things I enjoy in an effort to make sure I am getting things done and spending as much quality time with my kids as possible. So, the blogging will be scarce, I'll have to for sure wake up at 5AM if I want to exercise at all, I can't imagine I will be able to attend most of the cool, fun stuff my friends plan to pass the day with the kids or in the evenings to "get-away" with this new schedule, and even the crafting will probably be non-existent.

Sounds like a sad existence to me when I put it that way! Really.

But putting my kids and family life first over this seven week sprint is so worth it. How can I miss out on moments where Asher and Ambrose show me how life would be if I would commit to natural hair extensions:

See you on the other side of it when life returns back to normal Fall semester and I am sure I will be checking in when I can since my poor Mama enjoys a good picture of the kids up in here.


modestmuse said...

Yes, at least one pic a day! Please? Thomas can take it while you're away and you post it. No writing necessary. Easy. It could be a kind of fun window for you and us into what's happening while you're busy without time to tell us in words what's up with the fam. Miss you!

stephanie joy said...

That's a fun idea! I like!

melissa said...

yeah, do that. good idea.

have you read the motherhood balance work/life/kids posts on a cup of jo lately? they make me soooo sad. not because of the ladies who wrote them--they all seem like they're trying to be good moms and work and do what they have to do--but it makes me so sad that generally moms all over the place have to carry so heavy a load all of the time.

people talk about how women in previous decades had it hard because they were expected to stay home and not do anything else. and that is hard! i think they had quite a struggle. but it's no better (and i think a little worse!) that nowadays most women are expected to work AND have a family. and even if they don't necessarily care what's "expected," a lot of women just have to work anyway. waaaah it makes me want to cry.

not that i can complain because i work like 5 hours a week (literally). i've just been thinking a lot about it and what we can do about it. i think the only solution is for the economy to totally change so that everyone can afford to live a modest lifestyle on one income. but i know there are lots of women who love their jobs and i don't want to make them feel bad either. so i just don't know what to do about this. (even after a giant comment!)

so, back to you: i'm glad you get a fun job, that you had a fun break, and i'll pray for you to still have time to do fun stuff. xxoo

stephanie joy said...

I love a giant comment from you! The mom/working mom topic is so tricky. It seems just about everyone does just about something to make their families work in this world and each mom has to work it out for herself what works best for her family and what she can live with. I know my limit is so very small. I would honestly prefer to not work at all, but feel blessed to have the job I do if working is what helps my family run smoothly right now and put our future on the right track. It is all such a process too since I feel like Thomas' career keeps flying higher everyday and there will come a day where we can fill the roles we want in the way we want it. I haven't read Cup of Jo, but I agree with every sentiment you mentioned regarding the working mom today doing it all- because it is impossible to do it all. The simple life is the good life in my opinion. Anyway, love your insight always dear friend. Love you.

kimball said...

You approach life (including trials) with such gusto; it is fun to watch. Keep up the good work. We are proud to have you for a daughter.

Diana said...

wow, great comment melissa, and great response steph. i miss and love both of you. my family reached a breaking point---a year ago. and so we've remained broken until we move to denver in (a month) during which i will probably not work at all. except for the things i already have scheduled. and steph, its hard buddy, its so hard. i know you are great at both things, working and momming. you amaze me with everything you post on yoru blog and i will be sad and whine to not have this little connection with you. loves.

Susan said...

Stephanie, I can totally relate! I go back to school in Oct and it kills me to think of what I'll be missing out on with my little ones because I know that is the place that I can do the most good in the world - in the home. But at the same time, Heavenly Father told me to go get my masters so off I go! I'm sure leaving home every day will be exponentially harder than any bit of my studies. Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this comment but just wanted to say "amen" to everything you said and good luck to you! I feel like I could have written this very post... I seriously understand what you're going through! Hang in there... you can do it! And, if you find any survival tips along the way be sure to pass them along :)

Carrie said...

I read those cup of joe posts too and all I thought was, "AHHH HAAAAAA they all have NANNIES!!" I always felt like a louse cause I'm one of the few women in this world who don't work at all (occasional haircuts i guess but they don't really count for more than a playdate) and I can't figure out how everyone does it all. Now I know, they have someone else take over the kids for a while. I guess that just makes sense. But anyway...

Best of luck, hugs and kisses and a go-get-em pat from me! And we'll miss you here so hurry up 7 weeks so Steph can get back to blogging.

EmlovesJames said...

Oh Steph I love you!

boo face mcjones said...

I know you warned us that you would be here less, but I already miss you. And man, the working and momming thing. What a bummer. But also, what a blessing as our families develop more into what we know they should be! I am so with you on feeling like my job is a blessing, but I'm already counting the days to when we can just let Jesse bring home the bacon and I can focus on the popping out babies/child-rearing front. I thought the balance would get easier as Pen got older, but I'm learning it's quite different. She is at a point where she is curious and loves to spend time with me and is desperate to learn from me. And what do I have to do? Let the television raise her four days a week. It's terribly unfair.

And heaven knows that as a mother, I'm not carrying any guilt (ha!).

But I think all we can do is to remind ourselves of what we know: Our families are our top priority, and they always will be. And then we have faith that Heavenly Father will help us figure out the rest. That's the world I live in!

Smiths said...

Let me help if you need it. You're amazing, and a great example, as usual.