27 October 2008

am i old enough?

i went to the OBGYN today and saw my little baby child no. 2 dancing around on a fuzzy black and white screen. i am like 8 weeks and 3 days along they said, but true to ambrose form, this child is already measuring in at 9 weeks or so. in other words, big, just like its big godzilla brother. i dont mind though. they said if your first baby was over 8 pounds you are considered a high risk pregnancy, but not to worry since i managed to push out a 9 and a 1/2 pounder last time. i told her- piece of cake- let's do it again!

and that's what's so funny to me lately. i cant believe this is my life. am i really going to have two kids? two kids. TWO KIDS.

this weekend i asked thomas how old he feels- does he feel like he's 28? he said that that was the strange thing. sometimes he thinks about his life, like he is in a rock band that plays shows late at night in clubs and bars on the weekends and he feels like that is something a 19 year old would do. and then he thinks, i have a good paying steady job, a wife, a child and one on the way and that is something a 35 year old would do. but he is 28. maybe that's the average of the two worlds.

i am 24, but still feel 17 sometimes. i am still my parents daughter, who takes every chance to drive around with loud music, pretending i am karen o. or something and sill holding out hope that maybe someday i will be. i get afraid to go to bed late at night when thomas is away playing a show so i keep a light on or watch a movie until i crash. i frequently wear a hello kitty bracelet and have more fun than ambrose on holidays and rolling around at the beach in the sand.

but, then again, i am a college graduate, mother of one and a half, wife, i make dinner nearly every night and it is always healthy, i am really proud when i do an efficient day of laundry, and i supervise 23 or so mentally retarded or disabled clients and their workers for a big mental health agency. so maybe i am 35 as well.

it doesnt matter what age we are or what age we feel. this is our life and it all happened very suddenly and very naturally at the same time.

i guess what matters is that we have the energy to do it, the love to spread around, and the determination to get it right.
stompin around the yard.


boo face mcjones said...

to answer your question: yes.

you are old enough but still totally young and hip.

somedays i think that i am behind for my age since i know people younger than me who have three kids. but the great thing about life is that i feel way too "old" for my age at times too.

do you think that's just what growing up is? a juggling act between our different ages?

Stephanie J. Robertson said...

definitely, and also, i think everyone who lets things happen naturally in life do things at the right time. so, yeah, you dont have kids now, but you're not behind because you will have kids when you have kids. does that make sense?

Molly Malia said...

hey steph... molly here, just lurking but HAD to comment on your thoughts.
i love it!
sometimes i feel old, having a baby, full time yet overtime job, keeping up with my six year old who thinks she is 16, and thinking when did i get old? am i old? i still feel like i am moshing around the animal house and their frequent parties.
personally, i think that i am still young, cause i'm in love with life.
you're never old! only if you let yourself become a dud.


modestmuse said...

Wow, awesome you got to "see" the baby today! Good to know it will be as squishy as Ambrose :)

Age is a funny thing to contemplate. Re: being parents, sometimes I feel like we're (N & me) are getting old, and then I also think we're way too young (we're not) to take on such a huge responsibility! You're right, it all happens when it happens, naturally.

Oh my gosh, the word verification is "dipers."

ashley said...

i totally feel you on this post. so true. i feel 16 not almost 26 but i guess by being a mother of 2 and all the rest that comes with that i am 26. so funny to think about. it's even weirder to think what younger kids think of us and how we are old to them, i don't like that thought!

liko said...

you know what?? the two-kid club ain't so bad, you know? it's the cool thing to do...pregnancy nowadays is so, so...stylish, for lack of a better word. i don't feel 27, whatever that is supposed to FEEL like. i don't feel OLD. i don't think it is old. and having babies when you are young lets you play and run around with them, keep up with the little people and your body recovers faster. (says the mom who needs to start working out). you are an awesome working mom, a tough act. but you balance, or APPEAR to have a good grip on things. smart, funny, and let's not forget CUTE! your tummy looks pre-baby. but i do feel you, sometimes i cannot believe that i am a mom. am i a good enough mom? am i teaching my kids the right things? you know? but we learn as we go. and that is what life is all about. and aren't the ultrasounds the only good thing about the doctor visits??

Shauna said...

That's so funny. I have two comments about that. First of all, when I was 24 I was FREAKING OUT about turning 25. SOOOOOOO old, you know? But then I got called to be the Primary President, and I was like, "WHAT?!? no way! I am WAY too young to be a Primary President!!" It's all perspective!

Second, I'll tell you, even as a 38 year old (I'm probably the "old lady" on this blog, huh?) mom of six, I still sometimes look around at the mess we've made and think, boy, is their mom going to be mad when she gets home . . . and then I remember I AM THE MOM!!

Also, I've been wanting to comment to you personally about how excited we are for you and Thomas to be having baby number two. What with you and Amy being preggers "together" it almost makes me jealous!! :) Anyway, I'm so very happy for you!

The Cutlers said...

Oh Stephanie... you are so fun! I love that you are having a 2nd baby. It's so great. I hope you get feeling better sooner than later and enjoy every minute. The 2nd baby is AWESOME!

KristenE. said...

Oh girl, I know what you mean. Sometimes as a married lds woman, the values we posses make us seem old and old fashioned compared to our current culture. Sometimes, as a mom it can be a little tough- and that's when I feel like a teenage mother. I feel like I don't know what the heck I'm doing half the time. Sometimes, I try to remember what my parents were like at thirty, and I feel like I am nowhere near that-- and in a few years, I'll be there! It's so good to have friends that are in the same stage of life as you. You really are my inspiration. You are so patient, loving, spiritual and cool! I love you!!

Kahilau said...

I love reading your blog. You are a great writer! Mike and I were just having that same conversation the other day. What beautiful way to describe your life. You guys are the perfect balance between mature and responsible and young at heart. Sometimes i think i am too much at the other end. Thanks for the great reminder! You guys are my hero's.

rachel said...

I feel the same way. I think I will always be 21....for the rest of my life....and 10 and 4 and 68, but I like age 21 the best.