right now the smell of popcorn is making me sick

hi. i've been tagged a lot lately and i always feel some pressure to deliver since i like the people who tag me, but already feel a little concerned that my blog is so all about me that those reading it will slap their cheeks like kevin from home alone and shout, "nooooooo!!" so, since most of the tags revolved around confessing quirks or facts about myself, i will ignore my paranoia for now and continue to blah blah blah about yours truly. instead of telling quirks or personal facts or taking spontaneous shocking pictures of this and that in my house (i know, that one was from a long time ago... i havent forgotten) i will tell one major thing. i think i thought about it a few minutes ago as we were watching a really interesting autobiography of sorts about kurt cobain. he was talking about just being a lone wolf and introverted and i thought, "yeah, we all knew that." but did you know that about me?

no, you may not even believe it. i tend to share a lot about myself on this here blog sometimes and in person i really enjoy connecting with people on a personal level, but when i am all alone i forget that i like that. and, the truth is, i like being all alone.

i hope i dont loose friends over this. dont worry, i'll make sure to label this post with a "maybe you shouldnt have said that" label, but i have never been one to have to be around people all the time. my parents may also not believe this since i have always enjoyed their attention, but this has always been true about me.

i think one of the reasons my best friend diana, who is having a birthday, who is one of the loves of my life, is in fact this special to me is because (of many reasons, but also) one time we had spent a whole day together and had had a lot of fun. i had really enjoyed myself, but she understood something about me and maybe felt the same way. she looked over at me with a sly smile and said, "well, i know you probably want to go home now and have some time to just relax and do whatever..." or something to that extent.

and i did. even though it had nothing to do with her or how much fun we had just had.

but i lied and said, "oh, no! i can stay. we are having fun."

and we were.

but she just gave me this loving, knowing smile and told me i could do whatever i wanted and that it was ok, she liked being alone for a while too.

and that about sums it up.

i go for days at a time where i am in my own little world. we do what we need to do for work during the day and what we need to do to get energy out at parks or beaches and a lot of the time we roll around the house playing with toys and watching PBS kids and being home bodies and i love it. i dread letting a friend down who is lovingly inviting us to do something. i dread not being there for someone who is overwhelmed and needs my help or just some company. i dread being seen as anti-social or unreliable.

but mostly, i can put all those dreads aside and just love hanging around with my family and putting them first and having our special unplanned things that we routinely do everyday and just being us.

but lest you think i am just a weirdo (and i probably am) there always comes a time when we can crawl out of our reprieve. we venture out of our content solitude and are invited somewhere and go and have lots of fun with lots of friends whom i love a lot. like beach days, regular run around the yard hangouts and trips to kaneohe or other places where you get to talk to someone for a long period of time and i love that too. i am always extra pleased after these encounters because i enjoy being a lone wolf so much that i forget how fun it is to be around great people.

so what is the point of this? well, i think it is a way for me to confess something about myself to put an end to all those neglected tags. i like being alone, i like people too. so, if we have another cupcake party please come! if there is a beach day/yard day/car trip/any other excursion- we hope to come! and in between those times, we are reading novels, strumming guitars, working our way through a most extensive netflix list, coloring letters to great-grandpa, learning new words and making things, staring at the ceiling thinking about what to make for dinner and looking forward to the next time we meet up again, even if for now we are contently alone.