24 October 2008

right now the smell of popcorn is making me sick

hi. i've been tagged a lot lately and i always feel some pressure to deliver since i like the people who tag me, but already feel a little concerned that my blog is so all about me that those reading it will slap their cheeks like kevin from home alone and shout, "nooooooo!!" so, since most of the tags revolved around confessing quirks or facts about myself, i will ignore my paranoia for now and continue to blah blah blah about yours truly. instead of telling quirks or personal facts or taking spontaneous shocking pictures of this and that in my house (i know, that one was from a long time ago... i havent forgotten) i will tell one major thing. i think i thought about it a few minutes ago as we were watching a really interesting autobiography of sorts about kurt cobain. he was talking about just being a lone wolf and introverted and i thought, "yeah, we all knew that." but did you know that about me?
Against the current
no, you may not even believe it. i tend to share a lot about myself on this here blog sometimes and in person i really enjoy connecting with people on a personal level, but when i am all alone i forget that i like that. and, the truth is, i like being all alone.

i hope i dont loose friends over this. dont worry, i'll make sure to label this post with a "maybe you shouldnt have said that" label, but i have never been one to have to be around people all the time. my parents may also not believe this since i have always enjoyed their attention, but this has always been true about me.

i think one of the reasons my best friend diana, who is having a birthday, who is one of the loves of my life, is in fact this special to me is because (of many reasons, but also) one time we had spent a whole day together and had had a lot of fun. i had really enjoyed myself, but she understood something about me and maybe felt the same way. she looked over at me with a sly smile and said, "well, i know you probably want to go home now and have some time to just relax and do whatever..." or something to that extent.

and i did. even though it had nothing to do with her or how much fun we had just had.

but i lied and said, "oh, no! i can stay. we are having fun."

and we were.

but she just gave me this loving, knowing smile and told me i could do whatever i wanted and that it was ok, she liked being alone for a while too.

and that about sums it up.

i go for days at a time where i am in my own little world. we do what we need to do for work during the day and what we need to do to get energy out at parks or beaches and a lot of the time we roll around the house playing with toys and watching PBS kids and being home bodies and i love it. i dread letting a friend down who is lovingly inviting us to do something. i dread not being there for someone who is overwhelmed and needs my help or just some company. i dread being seen as anti-social or unreliable.

but mostly, i can put all those dreads aside and just love hanging around with my family and putting them first and having our special unplanned things that we routinely do everyday and just being us.

but lest you think i am just a weirdo (and i probably am) there always comes a time when we can crawl out of our reprieve. we venture out of our content solitude and are invited somewhere and go and have lots of fun with lots of friends whom i love a lot. like beach days, regular run around the yard hangouts and trips to kaneohe or other places where you get to talk to someone for a long period of time and i love that too. i am always extra pleased after these encounters because i enjoy being a lone wolf so much that i forget how fun it is to be around great people.

so what is the point of this? well, i think it is a way for me to confess something about myself to put an end to all those neglected tags. i like being alone, i like people too. so, if we have another cupcake party please come! if there is a beach day/yard day/car trip/any other excursion- we hope to come! and in between those times, we are reading novels, strumming guitars, working our way through a most extensive netflix list, coloring letters to great-grandpa, learning new words and making things, staring at the ceiling thinking about what to make for dinner and looking forward to the next time we meet up again, even if for now we are contently alone.


liko said...

that's normal. i mean, i'm that way, too. exactly. i really missed our beach day today, though, (sick kids)because it has been a while since i have had social interactions with other moms (excluding church), and sometimes i CRAVE the spiritual upliftment and creativity flowing from all of you moms (along with the pleasure of you company too, of course). and i will get you 'the accidental tourist' soon. seriously. then you can soak it all up in your cute house in your free time. miss your face! hope you feel better (popcorn smell = sick).

Melissa said...

It's funny you write this post, cause I too have been puttin goff tags. Not because I don't love my friends but because I dread tags.(for the same reasons as you) but lately I've been trying to think about making a post about my "quirks", and the one thing I could think to write was basically what you just wrote about.
I too love my friends but need to be alone with my family a lot. Especially when I need down time.

I'm not really surprised by your revelation. It something I sensed about you. glad you came clean though. ;)

melissa said...

long time no post. you loner.



Hawley Family said...

Ok...so I love his post...it is so perfect...and I completely understand!! I think I am the same way...I prefer my "ME" time but love to hang out with others. AND...CONGRATS ON THE NEW BABY!! SO exciting!!! I am sure he or she will be just darling...YOU GUYS MAKE CUTE KIDS!! Ha ha!

Alli said...

Yeah, sometimes I just want to sit on the couch with law and order reruns and nobody to make comments. After a few days of that I am ready to socialize again. I actually feel sorry for people who don't know how to be alone.

modestmuse said...

Myers-Briggs -- you are slightly E but mostly I. I know, because I am, too. You love being around people, but you have to retreat to recharge, whereas totally E people are recharged by being around people and don't like to retreat.

modestmuse said...


Brady and Rachel said...

I love your posts, and am glad to know I'm not the only weird one. I seriously can coop myself and the boys up in our apartment/around our apartment, away from everyone else, other than my husband for weeks. I agree though that I tend to forget completely that hanging out with other people can be fun too. Sometimes I think I should do it more often, but I usually don't. I just like doing things on my own time my own way I guess.

Life with the Rich's said...

Diddo. Somedays I feel so 'blah' and boring to others that I can't find the energy to even talk and respond to something my husband will ask. I just want to lay dow, watch tv or let my mind think silently. Its like the teacher on Charlie Brown. blah, blah-blah, blah blah. But it feels so good.

In.A.Nutshell said...

mrs. robertson,

my apologies in advance that this might be a long comment. the first thing i noticed was that every comment concurred with your self-revelation. to which i thought, ' i don't really know that all of these people really feel the same way she feels. i wonder if it bugs her that this unique thing about her psyche is being interpreted as so common?'

that said, i too enjoy my 'in the house doing nothing but nothing' time; however, i need people, so i can't say i'm the same as you. i literally would hang out with someone all day, every day. maybe because i'm a youngest child by 10 years in a single-parent household wherein the parent worked out-of-state a lot. i've had plenty of alone time, and for now, i don't really want that much more. i feel like i've had so much time to think and think and think, and devise plans, and develop opinions, and all the while only shared them with the papers of my journal. so when i do get with people, i blab and blab and blab, as you know. :)

so i think it uniquely strong of you to be content being alone, and still yet be able to be completely non-awkward in social situations. you're awesome.

your friend,

ps told you it would be long.

Stephanie J. Robertson said...

stef- not at all i assure you! its nice to be home alone right now and in such good company (haha) so i am glad to hear others concur. aslo, i admire you for your honesty. i can def. see where you are coming from.

Bitty said...

I totally agree. Apparently this is why we are all friends. Love company, but long for downtime with our family.

The Prigmore Family said...

Oh my gosh Dan is a Lone Wolf too! He has even gone to movies and to dinner by himself (which just so happens to be my WORST nightmare). I used to HATE to be alone and hated it even more when other people were having fun without me. After being married to Dan, I too have grown to love the lone wolf lifestyle. Howl on little canine!