no one's making you read this

so stop right this minute if you get offended easily.

I may not even publish this anyway, but sometimes when thoughts circulate in my brain for long enough it helps to get it all typed out as if I am going to share it with whoever it is that reads this blog.

What has been humming around in my mind for the longest time is the stay-at-home mom issue.

Maybe I just need to stop reading so much, but there seems to be a ton written lately about how staying home with your kids is not that important and since I have dedicated my time to staying home with my kids right now and it is an all-consuming career choice... this dismissal kind of irks me.

I consider myself a stay-at-home mom since if I do ever work it is one class three times a week and my children are with their father.

In this way I feel lucky. I get to be home raising my children all day and get a little break here and there. I think all moms deserve a little break, but let's not kid ourselves- there is no substitute for a loving parent being home with their children all day.

Many working moms work because they have to and some by choice and I say- that is your choice and you have obviously not entered into it lightly. I love all the working moms I know so much and know that they all love their children like crazy. I have met some other working moms here and there who all have one common comment they seem to all have gone into a secret pact on in sharing as often as possible, "Oh, I could NEVER do what you do. Ugh, I HATE staying home. I HAVE to have ME time."

Awesome.

I never know just how to respond.

"Yeah, I hate 'ME' time. In fact, I never go anywhere. I love to stay home so much and am such a simpleton that it never occurred to me that I might feel more special and cool if I got showered each day and had a fulfilling career. In fact, can you hold this baby for a minute and keep an eye on that wild three year old, I'm gonna go work on my resume!"

heh heh

Instead I usually end up quoting some tired cliche like, "well, it's not always easy, but we do our best..."

Lame, but true.

I am not perfect. I am NOT someone who feels content 100% of the time cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, scolding, budgeting, negotiating with a toddler, figuring out what a non-verbal baby is screaming about for over 20 minutes....etc.

I am frustrated that my three-year-old refuses to potty train and that my one-year-old refuses to walk.

I think I need to delete my facebook account, because every time I get in touch with another old classmate I am a little taken aback at how glamorous and carefree a life that is career and travel driven can seem.

In fact, as long as I am confessing things here, every once is a great while, when I've had a particularity trying day with the kiddos, I job search. I get on craigslist and the like and look for work. I do. I think: "I'm not cut out for this. We would be better off financially if I worked. I'm gonna go crazy staying home all day. The kids might be better off if they had someone more patient looking after them all day..." and that's where it stops for me.

I can't do it.

I can't let someone else spend the day with MY children. I am sure I would have to get used to the idea if we were completely without choice, but I lived with my in-laws for a whole year and trespassed upon their kindness when we all probably wanted our own space just so I could be the one reading to the babes. Feeding them lunch. Having learning time with Ambrose while Asher naps in the next room. Teaching Ambrose about love and patience as I conquer my own temper by not screaming at him when he drops chocolate chips all over the new, fancy rug. Falling in love over and over as the cranky, teething baby stops screaming and reaches for my face to kiss and slobber on. The list can go on and on.


Today I was feeling a little sick and, consequently, sorry for myself that my apartment is in serious need of scrubbing and I have no energy to do it. My kids were in various amounts of PJs and lack of clothing, running around with crumbs on their faces and every surface they touched, and there was an endless stream of kid shows blaring in the background that no one was watching. This is the kind of stay-at-home clatter that makes me chuckle as I reach for a cloth to clean it all up on a good day. Today... I wasn't feelin' it. I put Asher down for his nap and he screamed himself to sleep for a good 15 minutes while I lectured Ambrose on keeping quiet while the baby tried to get to sleep. I finally sent him downstairs to get all that wildness out on the lawn and patio toys as I situated myself on the dirty stairs to watch him.

I was thinking it all over as I often do. The way I just don't feel cut out for this sometimes and how better off we all might be if I even just found a part time gig.

Then Ambrose stood at the screen door looking at me and whispered with a knowing grin on his face, "Hi mama."

"Hi buddy," I whispered back with a smile, "I'm really really proud of you for remembering to whisper."

He quietly opened the door and tip toed up the two stairs to where I was sitting. Sat down just how I was on the stair, carefully copying me, and then put his chubby little feet on my lap, his arm around my neck, and asked me in a whisper, "Mama, are we best friends?"

Oh my.

My eyes filled with tears.

"What do you think?" I asked him (trying to keep the pathetic hopefulness out of my tone as best I could).

"Yeah, I think we really are."

"Good. I think we are too!" came my enthusiastic whisper.

Am I saying that if you don't stay home with your children you will never have these moments?? OF COURSE NOT! I don't even think I have a final resolved thought for this post other than: it is not easy for anyone to stay at home, but my choice to do so has taught me so much and bonded me to my children in a way that gives me great joy.

There are the hard moments, the sad moments, the frustrating moments and everything in between, but moments like that really seal the deal for me and make me feel good about my choice. They make me feel like I have purpose and that all the teachings and struggles and times when I have been patient have been pushing us to something good.

I have to feel that or I wouldn't be doing what I am doing.

I feel that I have about five years from the minute my children are born in which they are all mine without too much outside distraction and influence for better or for worse. Only five years in the entire span of our lives. I'm going to use this time to conquer my selfishness, my rough edges, show them unconditional love, teach them, nourish them, and bond them to me any way I can so when they start to spread their wings I can feel secure that I did my best and that they know they are loved.

To each his or her own. This is how I feel about my family. You know what is best for yours. I'm going to choose to not be offended by what I read from here on out because my best friend Ambrose needs someone to build a train track with him and that's more fun than feeling irked.

i'm just wondering

If you go to awesome 80s baby showers too?


No? Guess you better get cooler friends.....

If you ate five brownie bites for breakfast?
(not pictured, cuz they're gone......)
No? Guess you're a real adult. Good job.


If you got your membership card yet?
If not, give it a few more days... and then if not again tell me. I'm not always as organized as I pretend to be.

If your son is now at the stage where he wants to go to Happy School all by himself so badly that he made you wait nervously at the very bottom of the driveway, squinting your glassesless eyes to make sure he made it in the door safely "ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!"?

Yes, you've been there!
Isn't it a nerve-racking, but proud little stage all at the same time?
(When I got into first grade I used to cry to my mom, "Why can't you work like all the other moms so I can go to daycare with my friends?!?!?!" and make her wait around the corner from my school so I could pretend I was walking home alone..... I'm sorry Mom. Thanks for keeping me.)

If you are also deciding to take the rest of your week at an unapologetic contractors pace?
You've never had the privilege of working with one so you aren't sure how to do it?
Well, why don't you try weaving the general attitude into your everyday life.... like, take six weeks to make dinner for your family, go missing for several days somewhere in there so they start wondering if perhaps you are now cooking for other families, and then come back and be really friendly and charming so they can't hold it against you and so they then look like the unreasonable ones for being so starving that whole excruciating time........

oops.

Was that a rant?

Sorry.

Happy Thursday y'all!!

i guess i'm old enough to care about this now

oh yeah, and we were almost creamed by a tsunami last Saturday. I wasn't totally unprepared:

but we had several hours notice to get it all together and if we had in fact been creamed by the tsunami, like we anticipated, we sure would have appreciated less stale food....

AND a tsunami has hit my little island home before and we've been promised one will again...

SO it's time to get serious about this preparedness business and it feels good to finally get started. I feel all organized and responsible.

There are a million helpful sites. Well, several anyway.

I love this one: Food Storage Made Easy

I heard about it through a friend a long time and ago and did what I always do, which is file it away for someday when I have the space and money for food storage.

NOW IS THE TIME! There will always be an excuse and the next tsunami (or insert threatening natural disaster menacing your neck of the woods here) could hit any day.

I even bought the E-Binder and am going to print it off at BYUH tomorrow through print services. Sorry, I can't print you one because there's a copyright agreement and one of the most annoying things about me is I am a rule keeper. I know. How irritating. Sorry.

BUT- it's only $17 and that's nothing compared to the peace of mind I feel now that I have a system to go by and feel in control of the situation.

I am excited to finally get with the program. Hope you can do the same cuz I like you and all, but I don't really want to share all my tang and granola with you next tsunami just cuz you're lame and didn't get prepared. ;)

Eating my bloggy words

I take it back.

This morning my kids are totally annoying.

Hahahahaha!

Such is life. I'm gonna sign off and go kiss their whiney faces!

hypocrite mom

this morning i was trying to wake up before i got ready to go teach my class and so i checked my email and my dear friend melissa p. wrote me saying,

"first of all, did you read cjane today? go ahead and read it and then answer me this: do you feel like she read your blog or what? yikes.

xxoom"

and my first thought, was, "absolutely not. no way." because how many people know and love their family - obviously most of you who commented on this post of mine knew exactly who she was and even what post i was talking about before you could even find my link.

so, i went to my google reader, located her post: this is the one in case my link is not showing up yet again and sure enough the first little paragraph sounded in response to what i flippantly said.

but i still don't think she read my little blog and took so much offense that she decided to mention it in the openning of her post.

i hope not anyway.

and here is why: what do i tell my two year old at the playground every single day? be nice. it doesn't matter if he didn't mean it: be nice.

of course i also said in my post that she is always well written, that i read her everyday when i was appreciating the updates she gave us on her sister's life and children, that i like her and thought she was funny...etc. but what stands out? the self-important part. and that is not kind.

if you don't have something nice to say- don't say anything at all. right? :)

anyway, i am 100% sure that she didn't read what i said, but it still matters to be nice.

in 1998, one of my heroes Marjorie Hinckley said, "Let's be kind to one another and cheer each other on."

and i couldn't agree more. i've been trying to teach my son that so i am going to go and do the same thing. it matters what we say- even if we don't think the other person will read it and even if we say it flippantly. the end. :)

normally not such a fan

i liked her when she updated us on her sister but since then i just find her self-important and occassionally amusing. always well written though.

geez, what am i a blog critic?

sorry.

anyway, today she was in fine form and i laughed and laughed.

i like her again i guess.

oh my

our stockings are 1/3rd of the way sewn and they look awesome so far!

the turkey will be marinading very very soon!

i got my books in the mail yesterday!

my jury duty was canceled today!

i just yelled at my annoying across-the-way neighbor for continuing to block my van in and/or parking in my spot all the freaking time!

let the holidays begin!!!!!!



cha-hoooooooo!!!!!!

my great awakening! haha! :)

i didn't even think i needed this or maybe i just didn't want to admit it...because, well, we are happy. things aren't always perfect, but we try our best and we each fill certain roles in our relationship and things are rolling along as they should, BUT then my good friend matti (who is very wise) suggested that we read this book for our november choice in a book club i am a part of.

my reaction: a big fat eye roll.

dr. laura??? yuck. i tried listening to her program a couple of years ago and was amused at first, but then it was too much to stomach and until recently i thought it was because i hated her and her approach to helping people.

and then yesterday after finishing her book i realized, nope. i can't stand the people who call in time and time again determined to be unhappy in their lives.

we all have things that we love to hold on to even though deep down we KNOW they hold us back from our truest potential and from all the happiness that is ours if we will take it.

some people love to gossip even though they know it just leaves them feeling critical and unhappy about others when they are done. (that's me sometimes.)

some people love to binge on tons of junk food in one sitting even though they know they will have to run for 40 miles to work it off, feel sick, and be a big old fatty and look bad in their clothes. (oops, that's also me sometimes.)

some people love to blame everyone else for everything bad in their lives even though they know deep down that we all have it hard in different ways and if they tweaked their attitude a bit they would be a lot happier. (uh oh, me again. crap.)

and others love to feel mistreated when they are in their pajamas at noon, with kids screaming around them because their mothers aren't paying attention to them, in a messy house, feeling punished and oppressed because their husbands are so "free" and get to be at work all day with adults feeling important even though they know their men have it hard at work a lot of the time and there is nothing more rewarding or important than working hard and raising your own child (that's every stay at home mom i know at one time at least in their lives if we are going to be honest.)

you get the idea. i could go on and on. there are so many of these things that make us feel good at the time, a pity party for one or a destructive behavior that we feel entitled to that ultimately keep us from REALLY being happy.

i didn't even think about it that much until i read this book by dr. laura and i would have never picked it up on my own matti so i am singing your praises to the high heavens because just the title alone would send me straight for the nearest barf bag.

and WHY?????

don't i love my wonderful, sweet, hardworking husband more than anyone or anything in this whole wide world????

because i was married so young i think i feel self-conscious about looking too traditional or like i have a 50's housewife mentality. i don't want anyone thinking that i am in any way oppressed because i married young and had children after graduating instead of chasing a career.

and what the hell for? honestly.

it may seem like i am ranting at this point, but i am having a great awakening so bare with me here.

the things that matter most are my husband, my children, and our home.

any idiot can agree that those things matter 100 times more than anything material and that goes for paying off debt or buying a house (because what on earth is the point of buying a house if you can't stay home to raise the children you created in it?).

therefore, i choose to embrace that. more than i ever have before because careers are hollow and you don't take them with you into the next life.

sometimes this book was hard for me to read, but i swallowed it and got through the parts that irritated me (and asked myself why it irritated me which may have been the hardest part of all) and then i used the things i learned and we are already so much happier for it. already.

and i finished the book yesterday. pretty fast results. haha :)

just read it. or continue on and hope for the best. ha! but, do yourself and your family a favor and read it.

i love you and want you to be happy too.

did i say thank you yet matti? thanks. :)

today i am thankful for matti for suggesting this book to me and for a huge dose of clarity!

thankful i didn't marry a neanderthal

cuz i don't know what made me think of this today, but i thought of a girl i once knew who did. we were both newly weds and were supposed to have a meeting at her house one afternoon and her husband happened to be home in between classes around the same time as the meeting. some other group members and i waited in stunned silence as she hurriedly chopped some tomatoes to complete the tacos she had made for her husbands lunch. not even her lunch. just his lunch. her baffling devotion would have been somewhat touching if it weren't for the fact that her neanderthal of a husband was exasperated that it was taking so long (mere seconds) for her to chop his tomatoes. he was hungry dash it all. he kept shrugging his shoulders and huffing and puffing. i wanted to barf.

actually, i wanted to smack his plate out of his hand and scream, "are you KIDDING ME???? make your own damn lunch! a simple sandwich shouldn't threaten your manhood too terribly much."

hehe

but anyway, i think i've mentioned my husband is very extremely awesomely helpful on here before. he has never once treated me like that. not once.

if i can't muster up the energy to make dinner thomas always offers to or says, "let's just scavenge tonight!" and we still eat together, but just heat up saimen, leftovers, sandwiches or whatever sounds good and easy.

thanks thomas. i'm pretty sure you know i adore you.

i'm thankful for a helpful, hardworking, and understanding husband.

here he is looking cool at a show they played last week :)

Oh my, when will I learn

This is Ambrose's new preschool group. Same school (Na Kamalei) but different location (Sunset Christian across from Ke Iki beach) and some new friends.

See the happy little Ambrose with his ukulele. So sweet and precious.

I need to learn my lesson: He is the two year old and I am the mom.

If I pack our day too full and he doesn't get a nap because of it he will be extra cranky and I need to recognize this fact instead of losing my patience and acting like a two year old myself. Or a hormonal teenage girl fighting with my little brother. Whatever I was acting like- it wasn't like I was acting like his loving mother.

The preschool picture has nothing to do with this lesson that I am trying to teach myself. It just has more to do with me sitting here yet again, thirty minutes after he has gone to bed (Yes, I put the tired boy to bed an hour early. We both needed him to be in bed.) looking at sweet pictures of him and feeling sorry that I can't be a better mom when I am tired/stressed/or feeling out of it.

I need to eliminate things from our life that don't matter and focus on what does.

I read this tonight and felt like I knew what I needed to do:

"Satan and his hosts will do all in their power to keep you from obtaining the ordinances required for the ideal family. He will attempt to distract you from centering your mind and heart on raising a strong family by nurturing your children as the Lord requires.

Are there so many fascinating, exciting things to do or so many challenges pressing down upon you that it is hard to keep focused on that which is essential? When things of the world crowd in, all too often the wrong things take highest priority. Then it is easy to forget the fundamental purpose of life. Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with “good things” so there is no room for the essential ones. Have you unconsciously been caught in that trap?" "First Thing's First" by Richard G. Scott 2001

Today was packed with a little too much and my son needed a nap and my understanding and love.

I will do better tomorrow. I promise.

i haven't been tagged.

around the time ambrose was about this age everyone used to "tag" everyone on their blogs and we would have to read like forty facts about someone's husband or tell seven things about ourselves and then make seven of our friends feel guilted into doing it too....

remember that?

thank heavens that trend died.

i liked the "bag tag" and the "take a picture of your bathroom and inside of your fridge one"- those were always amusing... but who knows, everyone probably went and got their cutest purse and put the cutest items in it before they arranged their cute picture and made a cute blog out of it. i never did it because i assumed if people wanted to see what spare diapers, animal cracker crumbs, tampons, raisins, melted chapstick, and a wallet stuffed with receipts looked like they would take a gander into their own purse BEFORE they organized it for their bag tag.

i don't know what made me think of this.

anyway, guess what the boys are going to be for halloween?

here's ambrose in years past:


and this year we are thinking: we just found the perfect box for it.
and how about little little? it's his first halloween! i figured i better take advantage of him not being able to have any say in his costume while i can so, if i can figure out how to make it, he's going to be:
now to create a pattern for a little black baby vest and that ultra masculine bow tie.

and where does one find lederhosen inspired embroidered ribbon in hawaii?


i may not be back for a while......

i wish i could do this at church too

but if i had to pick only one family member to sleep his way through 12 o'clock church each week- i would def. choose this one.

and WHO ON EARTH decided 12 o'clock church was a good idea? who?

obviously not a woman. a woman would KNOW that the entire nursery needs a nap around then. sheesh.

at the end of a loooooooong day

we have mostly been sticking close to home with a few adventures out to liko's house which have been so nice, but other than that......... well, let's just say i miss this:
i am having a hard time remembering the last time we were at the beach and i know ambrose is going through withdraws too. we are not used to sitting around home being boring and bored all day and frankly i'm tired of the sound of my own nagging voice! i.e.: "put that down- you'll break it!" "ambrose, we dont scrape cars and lincoln logs along the walls." "close the fridge door right now or your going straight to your room!" or worst yet: (me yelling from the bedroom where i am trapped nursing asher) "AMBROSE!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU????? get in here NOW!!! mommy doesnt have any idea where you are!?!?!"

anyway, can i make a quick list of all the things i am dying to do in about 3.5 weeks when i hopefully get the ok?

1. JOG, RUN, exercise, run, run, JOG, and jog some more
2. SWIM!!!!!!! beach, pool, natural spring, man made lazy river...whatever. just swim. period.
3. and that's mostly it, but a lot of life's happiness is tied up in those two things for me. so there ya go.

also, some day, i hope to regain some energy and brain power so i can return to the happy world of sewing and getting dressed for the day before 2pm... or dressed in something besides pajamas at all. oh! and fitting into my clothes. this hippo thing is getting old.

well, this semi-pointless post was brought to you by a long day of contemplation, boredom (if you can be bored while racing from one kid's needs to the other), and a lack of hygiene.

the boy is in bed... i am off for a shower (unless the sweet, dreamy sleeping baby wakes up to eat, in which case i'll gladly put my own cleanliness aside for snuggle time with him) and maybe a perusal of this little gem my mom gave me for my birthday:

somebody's been acting like a real punk lately....

and it's not this guy:



although he has been demanding more food lately, but at least that is something i can help him with.... anymore guesses?

ding ding ding! this guy:



today felt like the longest day of our young lives. thomas and i took turns having and losing patience with our spirited (whiny) little two year old. it didnt help that he didnt nap until waaaaaaay late in the day.... ah, i can laugh about it now that he is trapped in his room (with a new door knob and baby proof knob on the door) crying "get out da crib" (fyi: this doesnt even make sense since he no longer sleeps in his crib and has been slumbering in a "big boy bed" for a couple of days now due to the fact that he discovered a way to fling his chubby body out of said crib....)

anyway, it's a good thing he is so cute and lovable. he or we may not have survived the day otherwise. :) good night.

dear middle aged men and women of the world,

i really hate to let you down, but no, no i do not watch american idol or dancing with the stars.

please stop asking me.

all of you.

i know you are just trying to make conversation, but i feel like i am failing you miserably every time i have to break it to you... i am not interested in either of those shows.

the idols are the same thing every season in my opinion (a bunch of tools) and the "stars" are NEVER ever actual stars.

in fact, when ever i do catch a glimpse of a commercial of the show or something i usually recognize the dancer they perform with more easily.....

sorry.

but you continue to enjoy it all. that's fine!

it's not like i'm too cool or anything. i like to watch the hills and so you think you can dance... so i'm no better really. :)

take care of yourself.

love always,
stephanie

what happened to me?!? :)

as i got the frosting ready for the 72 cupcakes i made today, filled the inside of six or seven or eight batches of homemade oreos, put the caramel brownie cheesecake in the fridge to sit over-night, trimmed the 32 beanbags i sewed, brushed homemade salsa off my over-sized tent, uh, i mean, maternity shirt, rolled my swollen from standing and baking for the last five hours ankles one-by-one, brushed my need-to-be trimmed bangs out of my face, scratched an itch on my i-dont-know-when-the-last-time-i-wore-make-up-was nose, and contemplated all the cleaning and setting up i need to do tomorrow after i bring the snack for ambrose's preschool in the morning.... i just had to laugh.

who am i?

when did this happen?

when did i turn into this ultra-weather-beaten, project doing mom?

weird.

but fun, and good, and it's what i am supposed to be doing right now.

i know it.

it's still just funny.

four years and 10 months ago i was running atop a very historic tower in ireland in only my underwear, converse, and t-shirt.

not too many years ago i could do what i wanted, buy whatever i wanted, sleep in, and have a body free of the wear and tear of two pregnancies, and a day to myself.

two and a half or so years ago i met the guys from the lawrence arms and most of lagwagon in the front bar before their show and rocked out all night in the pit.

five years and a few months ago a bunch of us went to a strokes concert in waikiki and missed the show and the bus home and spent the whole night running around and "borrowing" towels from random hotels so we could sleep on the beach somewhere.

oh yeah,

but then five years ago i met a very unique, complicated (in a good way), sweet, artistic, thoughtful, and passionate boy and fell in love.

two years ago tonight we took the ride of our lives down to castle medical center in kailua and went through the biggest ordeal we had ever felt or known.

two years ago tomorrow a loud, demanding, sweet, affectionate, sassy, hilarious, smart, lovable baby boy was born and i kept waiting for his mom to come pick him up and then i figured out he was mine.

i didnt just have a baby. i had a human being that i am responsible for for as long as i am living and i get to enjoy him for eternity.



i feel the weight of this and realize that we have a lot ahead of us, but we have already come so far.

i'll gladly give up running around in my underwear, meeting rockstars, staying out all night, and my figure for him. he's most definitely worth it.

stephanie learns to sew

she no longer intimidates me.

my machine, who i have appropriately named betty jeanne (my mama's name), is no longer a mysterious wonder. i had a two and a half hour class at the bernina store and i think it wont be long before i actually attempt to make something. bernina is seriously great, free orientation class and handbook and all kinds of other tricks that just come with the machine. four out of the six of us there had the really fancy 700-something model (mine is a 220 and i still think it's magical).

the teacher would show me and another lady how to do something and then show the fancy 700 model ladies which button on their machine does it for them. at one point i exclaimed, "oh brother! next you guys are going to learn where the 'make dress' button is!" seriously, there are some crazy touch-screen machines out there. :)

but it's kind of like when thomas had a nikon d40 and had to manually learn how to adjust things- he learned a ton about photography! i felt like i was actually learning to sew. i can make a great looking button hole with a trick or two on my 220 and their machines can make it for them... i dont know, i felt kinda legit... like, "that's nice ladies... you can kick back and let your machine tacky up a quilt while i actually sew something on mine." :)

well, that's about the extent of my puffed up ego when it comes to sewing... next step, actually making something. check back someday for that... not too soon mind you. after all, me and betty jeanne (the machine) have just become acquainted, it takes a while to become BFF.

and what did the boys do while i was embarking on my journey to becoming the next great american designer on project runway... i mean, learning to sew?

they were at a nearby beach park watching the birds, getting their feet wet and sandy, running around, eating snacks, watching a bunch of newly weds take wedding photos and one couple actually get married with no one but a priest and photographer (and thomas and ambrose) around to witness...etc. etc.

it was a great day for all of us.

we've been up to stuff and i want to open my present NOW

so we've been running around
having fun
relaxing and reading
soaking in the christmas decor at the temple visitors center
going for walks
playing with ambrose

oh yeah, and my parents have been asking me an insane amount of questions that i wouldnt even begin to know the answers to (or care to for that matter, sad but true).

example:
them: oh! what's that tree called?
me: uhhh.... i'm not sure about that one either.
them: are those neighbors tongan or hawaiian?
me: both??
them: what time does the pcc open?
me: never cared to know.... afternoonish???
them: how long has this building been here?
me: i dont know a complete history on that person's house....
them: many many more hawaii and the like related questions.....
me: ???????????
them: etc. etc. etc.
me: silence.
them: oh yeah, that one didnt count as my question for the day. where does this wrapping paper go?
me: that i can answer! in ambrose's closet. :)

but i still love them. and they are patient with my impatience (oh and i've been impatient).

here's a picture of the two cutie pies at ashley's wedding this summer. we have pictures from this trip but they're in the other room and people are sleeping in there.

besides the mind numbing questions, we have been eating a ton a ton a ton of good food, and shopping so much, and enjoying being together.

tomorrow t and i will go to the temple for the last time before it closes for 18 months :( for renovations and then we're all headed to the beach!

and it's too early to tell, but when i got home from running errands with my mom today a VERY BIG present was waiting for me on the table from thomas.... hmmmmmm..... i really cant wait over 24 hours to open it. maybe i'll unwrap it tonight while he's sleeping and expertly wrap it up again before he knows what's what.

well, guess i better get to it ;) merry christmas to all and to all a good night!

ps- we ordered some recipe books today from byuh print services and it was $5 a copy- that's a steal! i'm thinking about taking an order for any of you who are interested after the holidays and shipping it out to you (or handing it off if you live here). shipping would be around $2 or $3 and the book is $5. so, i will take those orders after the holidays if you want.

some healthy revelations on a friday afternoon

why am i trying so hard to make my son like meat when i dont love it myself?

why do i put so much time into people who dont put so much time into me?

i say a lot of careless things about my neighbors... they probably say some pretty choice things about me.

sometimes i need to talk less and listen more.

why do i worry what some people think when i am sure we all have better things to think about?

i get teased about things i do well by some of my friends and it makes me embarrassed... they do things well too and they arent apologizing...no one should.

i kill myself off for work a lot... im gonna start thinking of things i can kill myself off doing that i enjoy.

i want:
a bernina sewing machine
to know what kind of job my husband will have next month
to stop worrying about things i cant control
to be more thoughtful but not waste energy on thoughtless people

these are all good things to know. i am happy to know them. it's nice to have some personal revelations every once in a while- they dont get me down they help me progress. try thinking of some of your own and sailing away with them, it's nice.

today is the day

not just my mother-in-laws brithday, but your recipes are due by midnight (hawaii time... this gives many of you a couple of extra hours) tonight!

no one can say i didnt give them enough reminders :)

the cool kid list is pretty long now and the list of delicious dishes i am excited to try is even longer.

ashley jones and diana palmer are missing on that list for sure, but most others are present and accounted for.

so, get 'em in you last minuters and then it's all up to me to do the dirty work... there's a lot of organizing to be done... a lot... it may take me a while.

but it's gonna be great!