oh Bakersfield

There are certain things that remind me of home.

And I'm not talking about my true home, which has been, and forever will always be right here on my happy little island.

But the place I grew up. Bakersfield, California.

The place I couldn't wait to get out of.

The place I always felt like a fish out of water in.

The place where a lot of great things happened for me and a lot of things I hate thinking about too.

I don't know why I get so embarrassed when I think about my growing up years. I think we all went through the painfully awkward stuff and so I am not unique or alone in that, but I still cringe when I see pictures of some old boyfriend online or when an old VHS of a play I was in resurfaces, or when I think about how much I let things get to me in High School and how alone I let myself feel when I had good friends all along.

So our hometowns are like big, heavy leather trunks tucked away in the attic of our memory, storing all the past anxieties, disappointments, learning experiences, and triumphs too.

But so much time has passed since I have actually lived there that I find myself wishing to be there and I think that is because

Kimball and Betty Hawkins, my own sweet parents, live there.

And my sisters family.

And my old haunts and hangouts.

And a few treasured friends.

And my childhood home.

And all that good Mexican food and Barbecue.

And so we are excited! And even made a paper-chain.

And in 14 days this current mother of two, wife, Hawaiian heart and soul, homemaker, English teacher, lap swimmer, crafty version of me will visit Las Vegas, Utah, Newport Beach, and yes, Bakersfield, California and I'll run my fingers over my homecoming queen crown, and watch the old obnoxious drama nerd VHS tapes, and swim in my parents pool without a care again and avoid some people as best I can while catching a glimpse of the old haunts and hopefully reconnect with some dear friends as well.

I'm looking forward to it.

we give them something to gawk at

Living in Laie can make you feel like a fish in an aquarium. Tour buses come into our tropical little town a couple times a day to gawk at the natives. Haha. I kid. Actually, they just want to get a view of our gorgeous temple, PCC, and BYU-Hawaii; and since we live a stones throw (if you can throw with great force) from all of these locations we frequently encounter many a bus on our daily jaunts about town.

I actually don't really notice anymore.

It wasn't until yesterday, when I saw a PCC tour bus of several tourists of the Asian and maninland variety rubberneck their way down our street that I realized me and my band of babes were the main attraction.

I even saw a few camera flashes go off.

And it made me come upon a halting, hilarious, incredulous realization: my life is kind of odd to the everyday human. Or is it?

If you consider a barely 26 year old woman, walking down a street lined with towering palm trees, holding a black-eyed scrappy baby on her hip who is absent-mindedly tooting a hot-orange recorder at his high-pitched singing brother, who is sitting in a red wagon full of food for his friends family who just had a new baby a rare sight...

...then yeah, we warrant a few stares and maybe even a camera flash, but what are they gonna need that picture for and what are they gonna see when they finally load their memory card onto their computer two years later (if they're anything like my parents- hehe)?

I bet if they looked back at pictures of themselves as young mothers and fathers they wouldn't see something too different.

We're all just getting through this tiring, hilarious, and exhilarating stage with as much patience and fun as we can... palm trees or not.

so...

whenever i say, "so...." thomas says in a matter-of-fact voice "sew buttons."

and it drives me crazy.

and i love it too.

so...... (sew buttons)

our computer is in the shop getting a new hard drive (i'm typing this on my work computer four minutes before my class starts! hurry!)

me and the boys are sick AGAIN (someone PLEASE tell me what i am doing wrong or doing to deserve this and i will remedy it ASAP.)


the apartment is nearly livable but there are a few things holding us back from moving up there and i'm over it (i realize that i always sound like an unappreciative brat when i write stuff like that but try not living in your own house for over a year with all your stuff scattered in a cluttery, dusty, chaotic mess and then judge me accordingly.)

it's so hot all of a sudden and i just want to spend every day all day at the beach with my kids doing what mermaids and fishies do! (but we must get better first and we still have everyday obligations to attend to... even in paradise.)

so.....

in other words i am looking forward to june.

no more teaching, no school, we will be moved in to our awesome little home, and i only have three things on the calendar:

asher's birthday
my birthday
camping with our ward

birthdays AND camping? two of my favorite things!!

oh, and go to the BEACH everyday!!! (make that four things then)

until then, i'm gonna keep my grumpies to myself and take a nice long computer break. aloha.

conquering the dreaded birthday sewing!

What do you think about birthday sewing?

If you live around these parts birthday sewing can be a full time job. There are so many sweet little friends and from about February to June or so there are so many birthdays that we all refer to it with fondness and dread as "Birthday Season."

Around the new year I was doing a lot of personal projects and not getting them done fast enough and as I saw "Birthday Season" looming on the horizon I declared to my husband and friends that I would not be sewing a single birthday present this year because with all of our personal projects going on I didn't have the energy to come up with multiple projects for kids of different ages, genders, oh yeah and not duplicate what someone else is already making (and probably making better than me - let's face it), or something a kid would actually want or use!

and worse yet

there is always the dreaded un-finished birthday or shower gift promise....

You've probably said the unfortunate phrase yourself a time or two.

I know I have.

And I know I have had it said to me- sometimes more than once by the same person! haha!

"I have a gift for you..... I'm making it..... it's almost done!"

And sometimes it's true and sometimes you have a great idea for it and more times than not.... that fateful gift is never delivered.

Easy come easy go in "Birthday Season," but since I knew I would be making that lame promise more than once with all we had going on I REFUSED to put myself in that position and decided we would mostly be buying art supplies and the like for gifts this year.

Well, this week I had a stroke of genius!

And it comes in the form of inspiration from another one of our treasured society members Rachel Bennett. If you don't know her already, you will, she is a very crafty lady.

She gave Ambrose a camping bag at his camping birthday and it had a book in it.

I said, "Ambrose this can be your library bag!" because we always have stray library books lurking around our house and as we trudge to and from the library I am trying to make sure we have them all and keep them together. Now we have a special re-usable bag that he can bring them home in, keep them in when not being used, and take them back in to return.

AH HA! I love making bags! So, I am on the hunt for some great fabrics and will be printing "My library bag" on the front.

They will be mass produced.

They will be adorable.

They will be functional.

They can be used by boys and girls and all ages because all kids should have an active relationship with their local library.

I'm so stoked!

Too bad "Birthday Season" is almost over, but I will be well prepared for next year.

Whew, I'm such a planner. It feels great to have that all settled!

Now all my friends know what I'll be giving their children for the whole next year! hahaha!

Oh how I love to sew and enjoy making something for people I love because you get to think about them while you make it.

What about you? What do you like to make for gifts or do you prefer to shop for the perfect gift?

Where do you fall in the handmade gift spectrum? :)

missing out

Don't you just hate being sick!?! ME TOOOOOOOOOO!

I miss out on all the fun stuff when I am sick.

Like the girly movie night she organized:

and I love girly movie nights and all the girlies that went!

AND a fun beach day or two with these fine folks:

and I love fun beach days and those fine folks!!

AND a delicious North Shore baby shower for the mama in this picture who is pregnant with her third and still manages to maintain those cute little legs:

and I love delicious North Shore baby showers and that gorgeous mama (and I'm jealous of her skinny legs!)!

AND the ultimate 60s surf beach party first birthday for these two twiny twins:

and heaven knows I have the old Gidget movie memorized and seriously love those baby kiddos!

AND just ask my kids, I have been missing out on being their nice, patient, fun mom over the last couple of days.


In fact, please don't ask them. Maybe they'll forget how horrible I have been and still love me.

AND Thomas. Even when you get in from a late and into the early AM show you still rise and shine with the kids in the morning because you know I have been up sick in the night. You, sir, are pure gold. Love you!

I give this hacking cough one more day and then...... and then..... (insert threat here. Can't come up with a realistically suitable one because my brain turned to mush at about 1AM when the coughing kept me and all the neighbors awake.)

BOO for being sick but to all the people mentioned in this post and my students who have had to listen to a raspy whispery man voice for three classes now- I will get better soon! Thanks for putting up with me.

Hack hack. Cough cough. See you soon!

i'm just wondering

If you go to awesome 80s baby showers too?


No? Guess you better get cooler friends.....

If you ate five brownie bites for breakfast?
(not pictured, cuz they're gone......)
No? Guess you're a real adult. Good job.


If you got your membership card yet?
If not, give it a few more days... and then if not again tell me. I'm not always as organized as I pretend to be.

If your son is now at the stage where he wants to go to Happy School all by himself so badly that he made you wait nervously at the very bottom of the driveway, squinting your glassesless eyes to make sure he made it in the door safely "ALL BY HIMSELF!!!!"?

Yes, you've been there!
Isn't it a nerve-racking, but proud little stage all at the same time?
(When I got into first grade I used to cry to my mom, "Why can't you work like all the other moms so I can go to daycare with my friends?!?!?!" and make her wait around the corner from my school so I could pretend I was walking home alone..... I'm sorry Mom. Thanks for keeping me.)

If you are also deciding to take the rest of your week at an unapologetic contractors pace?
You've never had the privilege of working with one so you aren't sure how to do it?
Well, why don't you try weaving the general attitude into your everyday life.... like, take six weeks to make dinner for your family, go missing for several days somewhere in there so they start wondering if perhaps you are now cooking for other families, and then come back and be really friendly and charming so they can't hold it against you and so they then look like the unreasonable ones for being so starving that whole excruciating time........

oops.

Was that a rant?

Sorry.

Happy Thursday y'all!!

i start monday

I got a call tonight.

I don't remember it word for word.

It went something like this:

The Composition Coordinator (a dear lady whom I really like): "Hi Stephanie. I know you couldn't do First Term but how do you feel about teaching English 101 this Spring. You would start Monday. We really need someone and we thought of you. Sorry it's so last minute."

Me: (inside my head) "Ah crap" (Thinking about all the reasons it didn't work out for my family so well last semester. 1. Leaving my kids in the morning 2. Thomas gets a late start to his day 3. I get a late start to my day with my kids and it throws us off)
"Well......"

Comp. Coordinator: "Before you say anything let me tell you the bad things about this offer."

Me: "Ok....."

Comp. Coordinator: "We are still looking for a classroom for you since we had to add this section due to large enrollment and it would maybe have to be an evening class, but we could try and see if--"

Me: "WHAT? No, no, that's actually a positive! A big one. I might actually be able to do that. The evening class? Oh, good . Yes please. Let me talk to my husband and I'll let you know ASAP."

Comp. Coordinator: (A little incredulous) "Really? Seriously? OK..... Great. Good. Call me back."

Me: "OK!"

And Thomas, that dear man, he was so excited for me (since I cried like a baby on my last day of class this semester) he told me he really thinks I should do it and that it would not be a problem at all.

What a guy.

What a job.

Perfect timing.

Still get my whole day with my kiddos and my nights with my man.

Seriously?

I swear. Sometimes things just work out.

Yes they do.

silent anniversary

My oliofolio peeps will recognize the title of this post, but this time I am referring to the fact that March 1, 2010 came and went and we didn't say much about it.

We moved out of our happy little Hauula home

March 1, 2009 to start a new adventure: living in Thomas' parent's home while they embarked on a three month mainland adventure, and then trespassing on their kindness a little longer until our renovated nest on top of their house was complete. I missed our little home in Hauula so badly and sometimes I think I am trying desperately to recreate it with every design choice I get to help make in the new apartment.

Light, bright, clean, modern, basic = perfection.

I remember when we sighed at the fact that we might have to wear out our welcome for as much as three to maybe even five or six months together upon their return. It seemed like a lot to ask and like a time of transition that we hoped wouldn't mess with our kid's schedules or behavior...etc. too much.

Well, it has been a year and we are starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel as far as apartment completion is concerned, but more than once I have felt like our toys were strewn about my in-laws house a little too much, our toddler screamed a little too loudly and frequently, I was unaware of what said toddler was doing while I nursed a very hungry baby perhaps a little too much, I didn't take my turn to cook dinner for everyone one too many times...etc...etc.

BUT

lucky for us my in-laws have a way of making all that seem ok. If they are reading this: THANK YOU.

How many young moms have the luxury of a loving grandma and grandpa right there to help out at a moments notice?

What will I do once we are upstairs in our own space that I have been craving for so long and I FINALLY have to deal with it all MYSELF?? :)

Anyway, here's to the year that no one expected. A year that taught me so much about simplifying, letting things go, and moving forward with a perfect brightness of hope no matter what set-backs came our way.

A hard year. A wonderful year.

A year I wouldn't trade for anything.

i guess i'm old enough to care about this now

oh yeah, and we were almost creamed by a tsunami last Saturday. I wasn't totally unprepared:

but we had several hours notice to get it all together and if we had in fact been creamed by the tsunami, like we anticipated, we sure would have appreciated less stale food....

AND a tsunami has hit my little island home before and we've been promised one will again...

SO it's time to get serious about this preparedness business and it feels good to finally get started. I feel all organized and responsible.

There are a million helpful sites. Well, several anyway.

I love this one: Food Storage Made Easy

I heard about it through a friend a long time and ago and did what I always do, which is file it away for someday when I have the space and money for food storage.

NOW IS THE TIME! There will always be an excuse and the next tsunami (or insert threatening natural disaster menacing your neck of the woods here) could hit any day.

I even bought the E-Binder and am going to print it off at BYUH tomorrow through print services. Sorry, I can't print you one because there's a copyright agreement and one of the most annoying things about me is I am a rule keeper. I know. How irritating. Sorry.

BUT- it's only $17 and that's nothing compared to the peace of mind I feel now that I have a system to go by and feel in control of the situation.

I am excited to finally get with the program. Hope you can do the same cuz I like you and all, but I don't really want to share all my tang and granola with you next tsunami just cuz you're lame and didn't get prepared. ;)

finally did it.

"jut do it already" was the thought I had as I got home from teaching today.... so I did.


She was pretty long and mermaid-y and I loved her, but, she's in a braid now on her way to Florida:

and I wish I could meet the sweet little girl who gets to rock her next. Maybe she's a mermaid too? :)

TA-DA!



BAM 11 inches GONE! Feels crazy and really really good too!

3 happy things this morning!

1. I was getting ready to teach Happy School this morning and so I got on the computer to print out their coloring worksheets, checked my email, and saw this:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It made me laugh so hard I nearly cried. I should briefly explain:
This was from the Great Aloha Run on Monday. It is an 8 mile course. I didn't train until the week before, because I lack motivation these days and I had also never run eight miles before. So, I really didn't expect to do well. I thought I would probably walk some and run some.

I RAN THE WHOLE THING WITHOUT WALKING ONCE. I finished 8 miles in 1 hour and 22 minutes and since I never time any runs I do or calculate millage that seems like a cool fact to know.


Anyway, as the picture may indicate- I felt cool. And not just cool, but like athletically cool, which has never happened to me in the history of my life.

2. Thomas works more now, which is great for us financially, but we kind of miss hanging out with daddy all the time. We got used to the economy sucking over the last year. :)

Anyway, in the middle of the week especially we hardly see him between work, his church calling, and Upstanding Youth practice. Last night he got home late from practice and left before we were all up for work. I was feeling a little like a single parent and then I saw this:

on our bathroom mirror.

Isn't it funny how little gestures like that give purpose to your day? Instead of feeling like I was buried in diaper changes, laundry, timeouts, and endless snacks and kid shows I felt ultra-motivated to give my children a great day!

And now for the happiest happiest of them all!
3.
I finally saw a picture of my new nephew Lincoln Ben Jones!!!

Oh my, isn't he just so sweet, so precious, and handsome, and look at all that dark hair!

I LOVE HIM!!!

Congrats to my sister Ashley and her husband Ben!

THIS is the biggest downside to living in Hawaii for sure. We love it here, but we would LOVE to be closer to all the family. I want to hold baby Lincoln so bad. See you this summer little buddy.

an awkward stage, bless her heart

It's kinda late, but I feel like a chat.

I need change. I need a makeover.

I have really long hair and I love it, but my baby pulls it all day and maybe it's not as lovely as I think it is. It is also everywhere I look (shower, floor, baby's greedy fists...etc.) and that's nasty... so.... Plus I have always wanted to donate to Locks of Love and you have to have 10 inches to donate, and I could actually spare 10 inches so why not.

It's just hair. It'll grow back (she tells herself in a shaky voice).

Why is this even an issue?

I'm considering these styles:



When I ask Thomas he says go with the Nicole Richie (and that's the one in the middle in case you have no idea who she is. Oh and if you don't know who she is... bravo. You're kinda awesome.).

I'm just terrified it will end up looking like this:

and to that Thomas says, "then keep your bangs and don't part it in the middle" with a "DUH" tone of voice. He's entirely awesome.

Anyway, I am all confident about it one minute and the next I think, "Nah, I like my hair." So, does that mean I shouldn't do it?

In other news, I hate all of my clothes.

ALL OF THEM.

Raise your hand if you feel like you have been wearing the same outfit for like four years.

Me too.

And those same clothes have now been through two pregnancies. And if you are like me you restrict your spending to Ross, Forever 21, Wet Seal, Jeans Warehouse, thrift stores, garage saling, maybe a good Old Navy Sale...etc. You know, cheap, but can be awesome if you dig. The thing about those kind of clothes- they are cheap for a reason, i.e.: not meant to last even half a decade.

So I want new clothes, but every time I go shopping these days I end up putting most if not all back... and with two kids, yeah, wait, I DONT go shopping. Ever.

Part of my problem, too, is that I don't like a lot of clothes that are "in" these days. I guess I am "out". That's cool.

I need a new swim suit too. Real bad.

I want one like this:

Or something in the neighborhood.

This post is going nowhere, but I need a makeover. Or something. Apparently I thought you should know.

Ok, thanks. Back to your regular scheduled programing.

liko in the middle!

Dear Liko,

Today we were driving all around the island getting stuff done and listening to one of my random mix CDs and when this song came on Ambrose yelled, "Oh good Mama! This one the Aunty Liko song!!!'

And then I laughed as he repeated that at various times throughout the song.

And then the song was over.

And then he yelled, "No new one Mama! Need Aunty Liko song again!!!!!"

And I thought that was cute and it's a great song so I didn't mind.

And then he yelled it over and over and the first three times I didn't mind and after listen number four I had to dash his Aunty Liko hopes and dreams and let it move on to the next song.

"Is this one the Aunty Liko one too?" I asked hopefully through his cries.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOooooo!!!"

He loves you a lot.

We all do.

Not just my little family but all of our friends too because you are a true, blue friend.

So, in honor of today- enjoy "your song": Cannonball by The Breeders and some pictures I stole off your blog of you or ones you took of us.... yep, stole like a creepy stalker.

hehe










Happy Liko Day Everyone. ;)

hypocrite mom

this morning i was trying to wake up before i got ready to go teach my class and so i checked my email and my dear friend melissa p. wrote me saying,

"first of all, did you read cjane today? go ahead and read it and then answer me this: do you feel like she read your blog or what? yikes.

xxoom"

and my first thought, was, "absolutely not. no way." because how many people know and love their family - obviously most of you who commented on this post of mine knew exactly who she was and even what post i was talking about before you could even find my link.

so, i went to my google reader, located her post: this is the one in case my link is not showing up yet again and sure enough the first little paragraph sounded in response to what i flippantly said.

but i still don't think she read my little blog and took so much offense that she decided to mention it in the openning of her post.

i hope not anyway.

and here is why: what do i tell my two year old at the playground every single day? be nice. it doesn't matter if he didn't mean it: be nice.

of course i also said in my post that she is always well written, that i read her everyday when i was appreciating the updates she gave us on her sister's life and children, that i like her and thought she was funny...etc. but what stands out? the self-important part. and that is not kind.

if you don't have something nice to say- don't say anything at all. right? :)

anyway, i am 100% sure that she didn't read what i said, but it still matters to be nice.

in 1998, one of my heroes Marjorie Hinckley said, "Let's be kind to one another and cheer each other on."

and i couldn't agree more. i've been trying to teach my son that so i am going to go and do the same thing. it matters what we say- even if we don't think the other person will read it and even if we say it flippantly. the end. :)

i won!

one of my souliest of soul mates had a giveaway and i won!!!

and i thought i was going to pick the "in the library" one and then i saw "m3 november," and "just breathe," and "winter 1972," and then there's "gathering apples" and so how's a girl to choose.

help! which one should i pick: go here: CB I HATE PERFUME if you want to read their descriptions, but those are the five i am agonizing over.

it's a major decision. help.

normally not such a fan

i liked her when she updated us on her sister but since then i just find her self-important and occassionally amusing. always well written though.

geez, what am i a blog critic?

sorry.

anyway, today she was in fine form and i laughed and laughed.

i like her again i guess.

oh my

our stockings are 1/3rd of the way sewn and they look awesome so far!

the turkey will be marinading very very soon!

i got my books in the mail yesterday!

my jury duty was canceled today!

i just yelled at my annoying across-the-way neighbor for continuing to block my van in and/or parking in my spot all the freaking time!

let the holidays begin!!!!!!



cha-hoooooooo!!!!!!

my great awakening! haha! :)

i didn't even think i needed this or maybe i just didn't want to admit it...because, well, we are happy. things aren't always perfect, but we try our best and we each fill certain roles in our relationship and things are rolling along as they should, BUT then my good friend matti (who is very wise) suggested that we read this book for our november choice in a book club i am a part of.

my reaction: a big fat eye roll.

dr. laura??? yuck. i tried listening to her program a couple of years ago and was amused at first, but then it was too much to stomach and until recently i thought it was because i hated her and her approach to helping people.

and then yesterday after finishing her book i realized, nope. i can't stand the people who call in time and time again determined to be unhappy in their lives.

we all have things that we love to hold on to even though deep down we KNOW they hold us back from our truest potential and from all the happiness that is ours if we will take it.

some people love to gossip even though they know it just leaves them feeling critical and unhappy about others when they are done. (that's me sometimes.)

some people love to binge on tons of junk food in one sitting even though they know they will have to run for 40 miles to work it off, feel sick, and be a big old fatty and look bad in their clothes. (oops, that's also me sometimes.)

some people love to blame everyone else for everything bad in their lives even though they know deep down that we all have it hard in different ways and if they tweaked their attitude a bit they would be a lot happier. (uh oh, me again. crap.)

and others love to feel mistreated when they are in their pajamas at noon, with kids screaming around them because their mothers aren't paying attention to them, in a messy house, feeling punished and oppressed because their husbands are so "free" and get to be at work all day with adults feeling important even though they know their men have it hard at work a lot of the time and there is nothing more rewarding or important than working hard and raising your own child (that's every stay at home mom i know at one time at least in their lives if we are going to be honest.)

you get the idea. i could go on and on. there are so many of these things that make us feel good at the time, a pity party for one or a destructive behavior that we feel entitled to that ultimately keep us from REALLY being happy.

i didn't even think about it that much until i read this book by dr. laura and i would have never picked it up on my own matti so i am singing your praises to the high heavens because just the title alone would send me straight for the nearest barf bag.

and WHY?????

don't i love my wonderful, sweet, hardworking husband more than anyone or anything in this whole wide world????

because i was married so young i think i feel self-conscious about looking too traditional or like i have a 50's housewife mentality. i don't want anyone thinking that i am in any way oppressed because i married young and had children after graduating instead of chasing a career.

and what the hell for? honestly.

it may seem like i am ranting at this point, but i am having a great awakening so bare with me here.

the things that matter most are my husband, my children, and our home.

any idiot can agree that those things matter 100 times more than anything material and that goes for paying off debt or buying a house (because what on earth is the point of buying a house if you can't stay home to raise the children you created in it?).

therefore, i choose to embrace that. more than i ever have before because careers are hollow and you don't take them with you into the next life.

sometimes this book was hard for me to read, but i swallowed it and got through the parts that irritated me (and asked myself why it irritated me which may have been the hardest part of all) and then i used the things i learned and we are already so much happier for it. already.

and i finished the book yesterday. pretty fast results. haha :)

just read it. or continue on and hope for the best. ha! but, do yourself and your family a favor and read it.

i love you and want you to be happy too.

did i say thank you yet matti? thanks. :)

today i am thankful for matti for suggesting this book to me and for a huge dose of clarity!

thankful for good friends

and not just good, but thoughtful and generous.

i wrote a VERY long post about all my wonderful friends that have really been kind, supportive, giving, understanding, and fun to be around and i named a bunch of people by name. don't worry, you made the list.

and then i got to thinking that what if i missed someone reeeeeal important and so i deleted that monster of a post and soooooo-

if you are my friend, and a good one at that, i hope you know how very grateful i am for you. even if we don't get to see each other very often - i hope you know that you mean a lot to me.

and speaking of generous friends:

check out this!


today i am thankful for good friends.

Oh my, when will I learn

This is Ambrose's new preschool group. Same school (Na Kamalei) but different location (Sunset Christian across from Ke Iki beach) and some new friends.

See the happy little Ambrose with his ukulele. So sweet and precious.

I need to learn my lesson: He is the two year old and I am the mom.

If I pack our day too full and he doesn't get a nap because of it he will be extra cranky and I need to recognize this fact instead of losing my patience and acting like a two year old myself. Or a hormonal teenage girl fighting with my little brother. Whatever I was acting like- it wasn't like I was acting like his loving mother.

The preschool picture has nothing to do with this lesson that I am trying to teach myself. It just has more to do with me sitting here yet again, thirty minutes after he has gone to bed (Yes, I put the tired boy to bed an hour early. We both needed him to be in bed.) looking at sweet pictures of him and feeling sorry that I can't be a better mom when I am tired/stressed/or feeling out of it.

I need to eliminate things from our life that don't matter and focus on what does.

I read this tonight and felt like I knew what I needed to do:

"Satan and his hosts will do all in their power to keep you from obtaining the ordinances required for the ideal family. He will attempt to distract you from centering your mind and heart on raising a strong family by nurturing your children as the Lord requires.

Are there so many fascinating, exciting things to do or so many challenges pressing down upon you that it is hard to keep focused on that which is essential? When things of the world crowd in, all too often the wrong things take highest priority. Then it is easy to forget the fundamental purpose of life. Satan has a powerful tool to use against good people. It is distraction. He would have good people fill life with “good things” so there is no room for the essential ones. Have you unconsciously been caught in that trap?" "First Thing's First" by Richard G. Scott 2001

Today was packed with a little too much and my son needed a nap and my understanding and love.

I will do better tomorrow. I promise.