You know what's making my heart beat very fast right now?

I am sitting out in the front room while everyone has finally gone to bed so I can have a second to myself. My husband got home a little later than usual. Ambrose had already eaten dinner because he couldn't wait another minute! It was that kind of late. This husband I speak of had not a single no-show at work. Back to back to back therapy sessions. So many he almost lost track. After all that, he heads out of his way to swing by Costco before coming home so he could pick up things I asked him to get. He comes home and takes care of pukey Asher. He makes sure Ambrose doesn't go to sleep before they've had some bonding time. He comes back to Asher and researches the best way to rehydrate our poor, sick little guy and magically makes that happen. He finishes the laundry because the dryer's on the fritz and I'm tired. He does the dishes I left piled up all day while I am in the other room feeding the baby. After baby is in bed we sit for a minute as I get out the laptop and he watches a show. We are together, but powering down in our separate ways. It's nicer than it sounds. Quiet and familiar. We stop to tell stories of our day here and there. Content in the lack of kid chaos--together. He decides he will call it a day and I tell him I'll join him in a minute. I hear him pad down to our room just as the baby starts fussing and think, "Great, just when I thought I was going to read this..." As I reluctantly start closing down my google reader I hear a sweet daddy soothing the baby back to sleep. Ever so gently. My heart beats fast and I open up my blog to write him this love letter.

team boo

Today we had good news to share back and forth and I paused after hanging up to enjoy it. The glow you feel when you're moving forward is exciting and even more rewarding when you can feel genuine joy for the ones you love as well.

We work well together. Tonight was a great night celebrating our little one's potty achievements and believe me it's a big deal that you can only understand when you also have a headstrong toddler to train.

Here's to more good nights and days. Working together. Staying positive. Optimism yields the most effective growth and unspoken understanding and teamwork too.

It helps that we are eternally invested in this progression too. Interestingly enough there is something freeing about that type of security.

Hardworking, modern, helpful, silly, intelligent, and true-to-yourself honey.

Glad you are mine.

heart beat

Thomas Robertson you are quite the catch.

found

We have been cleaning out a lot of old boxes and I found this poem that Thomas wrote when we all looked and acted like this:

I had no idea where it was for at least a year or two and when I spotted a corner of it in an old drawer I instantly knew what it was and snatched it up like a pirate stumbling upon treasure! He doesn't write much, which is annoying because he is a better writer than me and nice because ... well he is a better writer than me dang it! It's annoying when someone is good at EVERYTHING. ;)

Love you Thomas. Thanks for documenting the everyday and simple sweetness of the most life-changing time in our young lives.

The Time Between Sleep

He fell asleep with a whimper and a long yawn
So I drive us home the long way
Lets see our new home, the one we are wishing for
Which one do you like?
Them all

He woke up laughing at a joke he dreamt
It must have been a good one
He is letting us get to know him
He is invested in this relationship
So in the morning he talks to us with his eyes and eyebrows
And with his little voice

Tonight I'll take your picture
And I'll see you as a mother
I'll try to capture something I can't see
The braid of our breath
Yours, the little one, and mine
Will twist and turn
And with thoughts like these
As crisp as the salt on my lenses
A new rope is being spun

Fell asleep laughing at our old selves
We thought we knew everything back then
Because we could see the light around the bend
How funny we were

Woke up in a thick darkness
The moon sunk past the mountains long ago
Leaving us with our own imaginations
Heard the boy's breath in the stillness
As he stirs against the crib sheet
He, She, I all murmur in our sleep
A family trait we tell each other about in the mornings
I say you were talking in your sleep
She says, so were you

missing out

Don't you just hate being sick!?! ME TOOOOOOOOOO!

I miss out on all the fun stuff when I am sick.

Like the girly movie night she organized:

and I love girly movie nights and all the girlies that went!

AND a fun beach day or two with these fine folks:

and I love fun beach days and those fine folks!!

AND a delicious North Shore baby shower for the mama in this picture who is pregnant with her third and still manages to maintain those cute little legs:

and I love delicious North Shore baby showers and that gorgeous mama (and I'm jealous of her skinny legs!)!

AND the ultimate 60s surf beach party first birthday for these two twiny twins:

and heaven knows I have the old Gidget movie memorized and seriously love those baby kiddos!

AND just ask my kids, I have been missing out on being their nice, patient, fun mom over the last couple of days.


In fact, please don't ask them. Maybe they'll forget how horrible I have been and still love me.

AND Thomas. Even when you get in from a late and into the early AM show you still rise and shine with the kids in the morning because you know I have been up sick in the night. You, sir, are pure gold. Love you!

I give this hacking cough one more day and then...... and then..... (insert threat here. Can't come up with a realistically suitable one because my brain turned to mush at about 1AM when the coughing kept me and all the neighbors awake.)

BOO for being sick but to all the people mentioned in this post and my students who have had to listen to a raspy whispery man voice for three classes now- I will get better soon! Thanks for putting up with me.

Hack hack. Cough cough. See you soon!

i start monday

I got a call tonight.

I don't remember it word for word.

It went something like this:

The Composition Coordinator (a dear lady whom I really like): "Hi Stephanie. I know you couldn't do First Term but how do you feel about teaching English 101 this Spring. You would start Monday. We really need someone and we thought of you. Sorry it's so last minute."

Me: (inside my head) "Ah crap" (Thinking about all the reasons it didn't work out for my family so well last semester. 1. Leaving my kids in the morning 2. Thomas gets a late start to his day 3. I get a late start to my day with my kids and it throws us off)
"Well......"

Comp. Coordinator: "Before you say anything let me tell you the bad things about this offer."

Me: "Ok....."

Comp. Coordinator: "We are still looking for a classroom for you since we had to add this section due to large enrollment and it would maybe have to be an evening class, but we could try and see if--"

Me: "WHAT? No, no, that's actually a positive! A big one. I might actually be able to do that. The evening class? Oh, good . Yes please. Let me talk to my husband and I'll let you know ASAP."

Comp. Coordinator: (A little incredulous) "Really? Seriously? OK..... Great. Good. Call me back."

Me: "OK!"

And Thomas, that dear man, he was so excited for me (since I cried like a baby on my last day of class this semester) he told me he really thinks I should do it and that it would not be a problem at all.

What a guy.

What a job.

Perfect timing.

Still get my whole day with my kiddos and my nights with my man.

Seriously?

I swear. Sometimes things just work out.

Yes they do.

yep, that's when i knew.

It could have been when he told me we were going out tonight and he had already asked his mom to watch the kids

or when I was told to order whatever I want from my favorite Thai food restaurant, but make it to go

or when we arrived, Thai deliciousness in hand, to our dinner destination and I sat and thought: "When did he plan all this?" (because I knew he had a busy day at work yesterday and later that evening I acted like a big fat brat who didn't really deserve anyone to plan a fun date for her) as I waited for him to buy our drinks

or when we chatted after we were done eating and watched the surfers


waiting for the gorgeous sun to set

but it wasn't even then or when he then cleaned up our meal and loaded us up in the car to go see the stupidest valentines movie ever just because he knew I wanted to see it.

I was close to figuring it out as we rolled our eyes together and made snide jokes the whole time. That was pretty great.

But honestly, although he was so patient to let me browse around a clothing store prior to the movie and sweet enough to have purchased treats ahead of time... that still didn't top the

swell of adoration I felt for him when I saw him carefully scan around his seat after the movie to make sure he picked up all his trash.

THAT sealed the deal for me.

CUTEST VALENTINE EVER.

That's just who he is.

I loved everything about this evening Thomas. Even when every cheesy plot line played out exactly how we predicted it would in the movie. There's no one I would rather mock a chick flick with.


Glad you're mine.

Thirty Years Awesome.

Hey Thomas!

Our boys want to tell you something:

HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY DAD!

and

WE LOVE YOU!

and when did you find the time to get so old?

and now I want to tell you something:

You're a great dad! Most of the time I feel like the kids would be better off if you stayed home with them all day, but you let me take the easy job- so thanks!

and while we are on the subject I hope it doesn't freak you out too bad that you are stuck with me for time and all eternity

because I feel pretty excited about it.

If I had to choose one person to live with on a deserted island I would choose you. Again. I guess it's just lucky for us Oahu isn't too deserted, but it could be fun.

Anyway, what I mean to say is that I love you and I hope you have a great birthday! You deserve a special day for sure- so let's eat carmel brownies until we are sick and go see that Avatar movie at the IMAX in 3D- chahooooooo!

he passed!!!!

after one Masters in Social Work completed, then 3,000 supervised clinical hours over two years working, many many nights studying at the library, several large boring textbooks read, various podcasts listened to, a bunch of practice tests taken, and a whole lot of prayers offered

THOMAS ROBERTSON PASSED HIS CLINICAL LICENSE EXAM ON HIS VERY FIRST TRY WITH FLYING COLORS THIS MORNING!!!!

we hardly told a soul he was taking it because we had heard horror stories of people taking it nine times...etc. before passing. it is a beast and he CONQUERED it no problem! :)

the kids and i tried to keep ourselves occupied this morning. we made him cookies and a "we are proud of you" sign because we would have been no matter what and then he called with the great news and so i knew i had an hour until he would be home from honolulu.

i cried a few happy tears then we got all dressed up, ordered pizza, made juice and got the table set, straightened up the house, cranked up the upstanding youth tunes and got ready for "daddy's party"!


ambrose practiced saying, "GOOD JOB DADDY!" with large amounts of enthusiasm over and over while asher and i kept watch for his arrival.


that is one relieved man.

i think we will all sleep well tonight for sure. with this license comes a big promotion at work that he has already been promised, better pay, more doors opening for him professionally, and the end of a very hard year for our family.


life will never be "practically perfect in every way" but this is where the clouds part for us and i couldn't be more thrilled for my smart, capable husband and our happy little family.

thanks to all of you loved ones for cheering us on this year. it hasn't been an easy one and in some ways it has been the best year ever (that seems strange to say, but true.)

HOORAY!!!!!!!!

scientific proof

thomas usually buys one pair of shoes that he wears everyday the whole year through. he thinks he's getting a different pair and switching it up each year, but they are always so similar i have to laugh.

today he ordered 2010's pair after much debate and made me a little chart to prove that they aren't the same pair each year....

CLEARLY they are so wildly different! am i blind or something?? :)

oh honey, a chart? i love you.

if it ain't broke....