When you're feeling sorry for yourself...

(Because you've had flu like symptoms for six weeks due to a weird infection somewhere in your body and the antibiotics aren't doing their job yet and your back and legs hurt and hurt from it too and you wanna be around to help your loved ones on the mainland and so you miss them so so much and you feel like you are a bad mom because all you can do sometimes is lay down until pain meds kick in blah blah blah wah wah)

1. DO NOT check facebook. Everyone's chirpy little updates about how awesome their lives are will make you want to punch someone in the face or puke.

2. DO NOT attempt to raise two small children with big goals in mind... you will get better someday and you can go back to being Suzy Homemaker I am sure. Oh and PS- they are not trying to sabotage you or bother you... they are 1 and 3 year old boys... danger and energy are their middle names.

3. DO NOT clean your whole house and get all the laundry done and go for a park, museum, walk outing, followed by another bike ride at the first chance of feeling normal. It was just the pain meds talking... not your actual body telling you that you were all better now.

4. DO NOT say things you don't mean to your kids when you don't feel well it will come back to haunt you later (i.e.- Ambrose to Asher: "You're being annoying Asher!" and Ambrose to me: "You're driving me nuts Mama! Just give me a minute here!" Oh man.)

5. DO NOT obsesses over ways you can make money to pay off debt and visit family more. They know you love them and everyone will be fine. Just stick to the plan.

6. DO NOT skip taking meds to see "if you are all better." You are not and probably won't be until the antibiotics are done. You will be mean to everyone around you and have to lay down all day if you do this.

7. DO stack your Netflix queue with Christmas movies.

8. DO get some holiday baking done. Being sick has given you low appetite... but not that low.

9. DO get out with the kids at least once a day.

10. DO talk to family on the phone every chance you get.

11. DO send that package you have been meaning to send.

12. DO thank Thomas for taking care of the whole family so well for so long now.
He's been so sympathetic at every turn. If I were him I would be saying, "Lemme guess... your back hurts and you're achy and have a fever. AGAIN. Yeah, get over it lady." But he is very sweet. Always.

13. DO crafty things with the kids because it's quiet and they love it.

14. DO remember not to compare yourself with anyone else. EVER. EVER AGAIN. EVER. Everyone is different. Do your own thing.

15. DO get over feeling sorry for yourself. It's ugly on you.

16. DO things that make you happy and ditch those that don't.

17. DO finish another sewing project as soon as you can sit for normal amounts of time again.

18. DO watch that mouth of yours.

19. DO remember to thank Heavenly Father for all of our good health.

20. DO keep positive and keep working on your family goals.

This is just a phase.

dear diary,

A couple Thursday thoughts here.

Why does poor Asher have more fevers than anyone I've ever met. Fevers and other yucky stuff since Saturday night. That's right, even on his first birthday. Tragic. We have a urine test being processed right now and hope they can figure it out so we don't have to go back in for the blood one.

Don't get me wrong, I love the extra cuddles this misfortune affords me, but all the day-long lethargy, tears, and all-nighters of keeping nervous, sleepy vigil over my feverish boy are starting to take a toll on the family. And I just want my feisty, happy boy back!

Get better little one.

Ambrose is going stir-crazy too. But! We are going to Disneyland this summer and so I've been piling on the Disney movies via Netflix. How is he supposed to know just how magical Disneyland is if he doesn't know all the characters??? I'm just trying to get my money's worth here.

Have you watched Lady and the Tramp in a while?

Aside from the Siamese cat part making me feel embarrassed for Disney and like apologizing to Asians everywhere, the stylings of the house are AMAZING! I want all the large graphic "arts and crafts movement" (thank you Mel P) wallpaper, tile, and rugs rugs galore. I am well aware that it's just animation. But wow.

I feel the same way about Snow White though. That whole Eastern European vintage cottage in the woods look makes my heart sing. I think I got this from my mom.

I can't really find a good picture example, but you know what I mean right? Quilts, and carved wooden beds, and lots of forest creatures roaming around... and like, this kind of ribbon everywhere:

Anyway, this morning was Bambi and boy is that movie precious. I want the whole soundtrack. Nothing cuter than seeing Asher boy perk up for a few minutes and dance with a silly grin on his face to "drip drip drop little April showers..."

Oh! And society soul mates! Have you started your apron yet? I've gotten as far as realizing that I want to attempt my first made-up-by-myself pattern and improve an existing apron that I have. I love this one:

for it's almost full-body coverage, but want to improve upon it by making sure I can tie it at the waist like I have in the picture AND go to above my chest. When it's tied up now the apron strings go up much higher than my waist, which was cute when I was pregnant, but makes me look awkwardly pregnant now. Not so cute.

So, I searched through my scraps and came up with this:

An old curtain from Ambrose's room in the old house, a tiny scrap of some Japanese fabric I have saved every last shred of that may be just BARELY big enough for the torso part of the apron, some pinstripe denim that I cut out for a baby bag that never was for the waist band, and some olive solid scraps from a backpack I made for the straps around the neck. Oh, and some hippo IKEA fabric scraps from Ambrose's party favors when he turned two for a pocket.

All cut out.

Waiting for me to get the guts to execute my made-up pattern.

I really don't want to mess up so I am just letting them sit there.

Maybe until the night before we all get together at the end of the month.

But hopefully before.

Welp, I think this concludes this long diary post. I don't want to waste all of Asher's nap, but it sure feels good to dwell on something silly for a couple of minutes. I'm gonna go watch those gosh-awful Siamese cats with Ambrose and maybe even eat some more bread from our brand new bread maker!

Shout out to Thomas Robertson for doing some research and buying an affordable, yet awesome one. Did you know this thing can make bread (duh), all kinds of dough, including pasta dough, and jam! Let's hope I don't gain 100lbs. exploring all the options, but I'm excited to get all homemade up in here.

Aloha!

coming to you live from my office

I thought I would get my tests finished before class, but I can't so instead I am making a to-do list. Maybe I'll join you at the tattoo parlor ash.... I really love to do lists.

side note: Thomas once made me a little notebook of blank to-do check-off lists for a "just because" present. He got all creative with it. It was awesome. It had several pages and was used very quickly.

other side note: Sometimes I write things I have already done on a checklist just so I can check it off.

Side notes done, now for the to-do for this week:

last side note I promise: nothing on this list has already been done so I can't check anything off just yet, sadly. Not even the grading. Boo hoo.

finish pesky tests

take sick baby Asher to the doctor

get Ambrose a TB shot for this little weekly preschool group we might do

catch up on grading

clean our "apartment" aka- our bedroom and our kid bedroom... they are both severely neglected because I keep thinking "Oh I'll just deep clean it when it's time to move up to the new place"... but it's never time to move up to the new place. Face the facts Max.

Go for a run or two

Get 12 inches cut off my hair!!!!

Start making our pelmets (see sidebar tutorial for more info)

Maybe finally mail out the Sewing Society cards- I have like 200.... million

Finish the binding on our bedspread quilt

Get more sleep (HA!)

Do a couple good deeds

Write a few love notes

Read to my children every chance we get

Go outside every chance we get

Not let my son watch a show more than once a day (we don't even have a TV right now, but the computer is my crutch)

Start a top secret project

Feel content if I get even four of these things accomplished

Stretch
And here's an old picture of the band trying to look like tough guys just for kicks!


Ok, better get to class soon. Adios Amigos!

an awkward stage, bless her heart

It's kinda late, but I feel like a chat.

I need change. I need a makeover.

I have really long hair and I love it, but my baby pulls it all day and maybe it's not as lovely as I think it is. It is also everywhere I look (shower, floor, baby's greedy fists...etc.) and that's nasty... so.... Plus I have always wanted to donate to Locks of Love and you have to have 10 inches to donate, and I could actually spare 10 inches so why not.

It's just hair. It'll grow back (she tells herself in a shaky voice).

Why is this even an issue?

I'm considering these styles:



When I ask Thomas he says go with the Nicole Richie (and that's the one in the middle in case you have no idea who she is. Oh and if you don't know who she is... bravo. You're kinda awesome.).

I'm just terrified it will end up looking like this:

and to that Thomas says, "then keep your bangs and don't part it in the middle" with a "DUH" tone of voice. He's entirely awesome.

Anyway, I am all confident about it one minute and the next I think, "Nah, I like my hair." So, does that mean I shouldn't do it?

In other news, I hate all of my clothes.

ALL OF THEM.

Raise your hand if you feel like you have been wearing the same outfit for like four years.

Me too.

And those same clothes have now been through two pregnancies. And if you are like me you restrict your spending to Ross, Forever 21, Wet Seal, Jeans Warehouse, thrift stores, garage saling, maybe a good Old Navy Sale...etc. You know, cheap, but can be awesome if you dig. The thing about those kind of clothes- they are cheap for a reason, i.e.: not meant to last even half a decade.

So I want new clothes, but every time I go shopping these days I end up putting most if not all back... and with two kids, yeah, wait, I DONT go shopping. Ever.

Part of my problem, too, is that I don't like a lot of clothes that are "in" these days. I guess I am "out". That's cool.

I need a new swim suit too. Real bad.

I want one like this:

Or something in the neighborhood.

This post is going nowhere, but I need a makeover. Or something. Apparently I thought you should know.

Ok, thanks. Back to your regular scheduled programing.

love is an ocean, i'm anchored in you.

It's up to me to choose how I want to be.

No.1: Had a great day with my babies all day. Pink eye or no. It was just the three of us home all day and it was nice to spread out and have dance parties and build tower after tower and spin around until we had to collapse in a pile of silly laughter- nowhere to be and no one to see- just us.

No.2: The boys eyes are like 98% cleared up already and I never got it. The doctor told me there was a couple different kinds of pink eye and if I haven't gotten it by now, well, things are looking good folks.

No.3: Tonight I ran and ran and ran.

No.4: This afternoon I got to talk to my bff. It was perfect.

No.5: You can be sad. For a month or more. That's just fine. There are reasons to be sad and there is a time and a place for everything, but as for right now I am looking forward to moving forward. I like being happy most and working at it is better than stagnant, blank dissatisfaction.

No.6: Tomorrow we get to support the Nortons and celebrate a sweet little life. I can't easily shake the sadness I feel for them, but maybe that's a good thing. I hug my kids a little more and enjoy the sticky, chaotic, and even sassy moments more fully these days.

No.7: There were a lot of things about my life that were getting me down because they were all out of my control. Let's just accept the things we cannot change ok. There are way worse things than waiting for an apartment to be done...etc.

No.8: My Melissa (or Mama-Lissa as Ambrose likes to call her) brought me cookies. Not only did they serve as an excellent bribe at eye drop time, but they were delicious! Honestly. How nice!

No.9: I get to be married to him. And if I went on, like I like to do, about all the awesome things he does for me and the boys everyday you might think I'm lying so I won't bother. Suffice to say, he keeps us all together with an even tone, a quick wit, and unconditional love. I'm trying to learn from him.

No.10: That's really all I got. Thanks for reading. I'm off to sleep so I can get up and teach elements of the essay in the morning. Aloha.

our westside story

we rolled up to the west side today. i'm always so fascinated. it looks nothing like the hawaii many of you imagine and yet, i really really love so much about it.

oh waipahu, quit glaring at me. i may not be filipino, but my son is named ambrose and i once knew a very kind and helpful man named ambrose who was, you guessed it, filipino, so that's got to count for something.

i love you waipahu.

today me and ambrose killed time at this lovely strip mall in waipahu while thomas and asher dropped off some stuff for work.





it was awesome to say the very least.

and then we went to the kapolei target and got the fluffiest towels you ever did feel for our new bathroom and had lunch. then it was on to kunia where i got all the supplies for our christmas stockings that i'm making hopefully soon.

oh relax. i know i still havent started the bedspread i told you i was making.

but i will.

these are more timely.

and then our van needed a little jumpy jump because the iPod drained it's battery so the boys and i played in a nearby field



while thomas took care of the car things men take care of.

and that's it. good saturday.