24 August 2010

there's plenty to be insecure about

at any stage of life really. I think as a mom the insecurities can pile high and smother you if you let them because everything you do could potentially change someone eles's life drastically. And not just any "someone," but little impressionable someones that Heavenly Father trusted you with.

I worry about their emotional self-esteem and how the way I treat them now will affect them when they are older.

I worry about the way I approach potty training somehow messing them up in the future.

I worry about the way I treat food and how it will dictate the way they eat as adults or what kind of body they will have.

I worry about giving them too much attention and spoiling them, or not enough attention and making them insecure and needy....

Should Ambrose start preschool and when and on what schedule?

Asher can finally walk, but why isn't he trying to say much?

How will my leaving three times a week to teach make them feel?

Will I ever be able to handle another child?

Will I feel sad if I never have another child?

How do I teach Ambrose and Asher about the gospel when I am still learning myself and what's important for them to learn now?

Why can't I muster up all the patience that I need a lot of the time and how is that going to reveal itself in Ambrose and Asher when they need to show patience someday?



This is exactly why it is great to have a favorite scripture:

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest." (Joshua 1:9)

I always try to corner my dad into telling me some sort of fix-all parenting secret since he is a psychologist who specialized in child development. Sometimes he tells me things I don't want to hear because being a parent is hard work and I want all the answers now. Mostly he just tells me the truth and I need that.

Recently he said, "You can read up on what to do, you can ask the advice of others who have children too, but then you just need to trust yourself and follow your instinct above all. You're doing a great job."

I think that's true. I'm doing a great job.

Haha. No, actually what I mean is he is right about the rest. I get so caught up in what some website or magazine or parenting book says should be happening that I forget the best advice comes from the still small voice. It certainly doesn't hurt to read up and know all the options, but I just need to quiet down and listen to that above all.

I am so happy to have that knowledge.

Faith is better than fear. Here's to happiness! (and husbands who love to document the everyday moments that we cherish)


star said...

You always post one of these mommy posts when I need it! I've been worrying about a lot of these things as well. Baby #2 is right around the corner and I worry about Axton and the transition. I worry about how I will handle the transition!!! I want to teach Axton to be more independent, yet at the same time I find myself wanting to snuggle with him more and more as I realize just how grown up he already is. One thing (of MANY) that I love about you, is your devotion to motherhood. You always give me a boost when I need it! Thank you dear friend!

melissa marie said...

well i think you are doing a great job. (i think and hope you really think you are too, and i think that's a good thing.) and i saw your kids at their naughtiest, or so you say.

also i'm not so secretly glad this new song is playing. it's so soothing after the 90s angst you put us through earlier this week. just kidding. but it is a lovely complement to this post.

and i need some soothing these days, and a little less insecurity.

j,d and little b said...

LOVE that.... faith is better than fear.

Well honestly, to me, you are super mom. You are super motivated, centered, organized, down-to-earth....you are a great momma! You're little boys are so lucky to have you!

jen said...

Do you want me to add about a billion items to your list?


Okay, well, I guess I really wanted to say thanks for this post.

Meg said...

You are an awesome Mom! I admire the patience you have with your boys.

liko said...

seriously, you question yourself, but from the outside looking in -- youare so totally put together (or so you make it seem) that i am in awe as to how you balance it all.

keep on trekkin' and doing what you're doing, keep calm and carry on and put the Lord first and all will be well.
see. easy as pie. heehee.

i am struggling right now about not being mama two days outta the week...trying to come to terms with it...and balance with everything else.

i miss you. and the boys. and my favorite pictures that thomas has taken thus far are those of you as mommy. loveliness captured.

diana palmer said...

i really liked this post. almost as much as i like you.

boo face mcjones said...

Yep, you are doing great. Just great. And you have these beautiful photos to prove it!

echo said...

the thought that 'its all you' is both liberating and overwhelming at the same time.
you have the final say, you have to make the decisions both the tough and the easy. but perhaps the most comforting thought is that you are never alone either. you have God, the comforter, and a strong husband all by your side all waiting for their cue.
yeah, we all have our insecurities and sometimes being in such a tight knit community we put ourselves under a magnifying glass to try to be just like some other 'superwoman' we all know (and love).
but you can never truly be at your best until you are truly being YOU. you are a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a friend. you are strong. you are beautiful. and you have been given your special children because NO ONE would be a better mother to them than you.

Carrie said...

Oh this motherly worry. It's the very reason I'm up right now (12:54), and will be 3 hours from now.. and three hours from that... because I can't let this baby "cry it out" as it father would have me do so I can stop complaining of being a zombie...

But seriously wait until Ambie goes to school all day. I can't believe how much I worry about what Benson eats for lunch! It's madness to worry about a meal so much!

laurel said...

You are such a beautiful mamma inside and out. And this beauty is strong in your precious little ones too! I so agree about quieting down enough to listen to ourselves and trust our own insights and hearts and what we know to be true. You know I think you are a great mom. I also agree, there is a lot to be insecure about at any stage of life ;). I actually think that in a way this human quality is sweet and worth smiling at.

Mariko said...

People always try to reassure me that the things I'm worrying about are not real things. And that Amaya is perfectly normal. I believe them for about 2 seconds.

But that's probably what makes you a good mom. Just the worrying about it is important.

maya said...

Well, this is exactly the kind of women's dance I was talking about, Stephanie. Thank you for sharing all this - it's so important that us mommies have a chance to know how insane the rest of us all are, & the words that anchor us to what's real. Thanks for letting me know you stopped by - I'm so grateful to have found you. Lucky boys!

lizzie said...

Been meaning to comment on this all this week. And all I wanted to say was AMEN.

Don't know why it took me so long.