24 October 2010

It's slipping away all the while

Do you find yourself romanticizing portions of your life?

Like Mates of State sing: "But any time is better than now..."

I know I do this.

I've really tried to focus on enjoying the present lately and it's the best gift I've ever given myself.

But, I have to admit that tonight I laid in bed and thought about when we were first engaged and I lived with long lost bosom buddy Deanna and I surfed and skated and went to shows with my Anna too. And Tee Driggs was all around providing the thrift inspirations and new music and hilarity. My heart misses these names. I can still see Lisse's inspiration wall in her kitchen and if I close my eyes I will be sitting on her bed, laughing and going through all those CDs. Being amazed at the armful of clothes she found for me at Savers while looking for herself. I dressed all crazy and lived my own artistic reality as I finally allowed myself to be who I wanted. I was a little chubbier and didn't notice. I drove around and around an island all night, most nights, singing at the top of my lungs with a boy who had all kinds of things to say that I had never heard before. And all those times I wanted him to kiss me when he hadn't gotten up the courage yet. Precious each and every one. I want to hold on to that giddy uncertainty. I love him for it. I got in trouble for talking in Hula class and frequently dug up nerdy mischief with my fellow geek reporters in the newsroom. I hitch-hiked with my roommate and giggled in bunk beds and danced like a fool. I got good grades for the first time in my life. I fell in love with literature and figured out how to write well. I camped on beaches in unhealthy gulps and got lost in the pursuit of adventure.

That gulp of time is mine forever. I'm happy to remember it.

I wonder when I'll start romanticizing these days?
These days that seem to stretch out endless where selfless acts abound and little hands reach for mine.

I think I'll start now.


Anna K. said...

Stephanie!!!!!!! I love this post. We have so many fun good memories that I do not want to forget! This topic is on my mind all the time. Sometimes it is so hard to live in the moment! I always have to remind myself that in a couple years I will look back and miss the days I am living in now. Your post reminded me to savor these moments now!!!!! I miss you!

Nathan Bliss said...

I should start that too. I am always bad at being too sentimental for the past times.

Mariko said...

I definitely needed to hear this. Thanks.

liko said...

perfectly put, pal.

carpe diem.
c'est la vie.

sheila said...

good times.
you probably already know this... hence the "professor" title that you have... but you write VERY well.
Your blog is a little gem that I get excited about when I see a new post up.

stephanie joy said...

I'm no professor :)

Just a special instructor.... It makes me feel very special..... haha

Kind words friend. THANKS!

lizzie said...


(you read my mind. again.)

Teena said...

2004, you were so perfect, but I guess I'm glad I'm not still 20 and living in the softball house. I love my Hawaii memories. I love that I was a size 2 and had a 4.0 gpa. I love that I had the best friends ever. Alas, 2010 and beyond! Good post Stephanie joy. I love you! And for the record you told me you were engaged first!

melissa marie said...

hey, lately i've been doing kind of the same thing. thinking about all of the awesome things i've done. man, i've done some awesome things. (some of them with you.)