20 September 2008
during amby's nap today thomas came home early just as i was in the middle of an emergency phone call about one of the clients i supervise. i had to head out and take care of it for seven and a half hours (but who's counting). i dont like being away from my house, baby, and family like that. the one upside though is that these two boys get lots of quality time together on these rare occasions and always have a day full of adventures. i like coming home to a bright-eyed thomas, smiling as he details all the cute, clever, and funny things our boy has done all day. i feel drained from being away, but that feeling makes me appreciate all that thomas does everyday. what i did today is something he faces on a regular basis. it almost felt like me being out, leaving them to themselves, put him in that sweet stay-at-home parent energy and it was as if it recharged something in him. he had dinner ready for me, the boy was bathed, books read, vegetables fed, and dreaming in bed. we talked about what i did, how i handled it right, and that made me feel good. we talked about what we'll do next and that made me feel settled. i dont think i make a good social worker, because i just want to hug the clients and tell them it's all going to work out, when it might not. i dont think i make a good social worker because i just want to cry the whole way home and let it gnaw at me all weekend-- when it wasnt even that serious to begin with. these feeling confirm to me that i am more a mother than a service supervisor and coordinator. i know these things, but today was taken care of, today worked out, and now today is done.