today i am so thankful to be a mother who has more time for her son.
last weekend i struggled. thomas was gone, and need i remind you of all the self-pity that was going on since i was sick, and sick, and felt over-worked at my job for NSMH and it was all up to me (the mom) to keep things rolling. if it was the motherhood olympics, let's just say i didnt even come close to winning a medal. i complained (you heard it here and maybe elsewhere), i cried, i gave up a couple of times, and i questioned myself a lot.
it's amazing what a little good health and having your partner in crime back can do to your mothering skills and attitude about being the one who keeps things rolling. but i'd like to think that if i had the weekend to do over, a little planning and cheerful attitude would have made things much different. hindsight really is 20/20 i guess.
but let me tell you something, i did get some perspective and in that way the weekend wasn't a complete black mark in my story as a mom. i realized that things happen and you have to evaluate them and let some things go-- since none of us can do it all. what is most important? my family. if i had the choice would i chose some career or hobby over being the mom? i wouldn't rather spend my time any other way. what is getting in my way time and time again?
if you read this blog at all you could probably answer this question in your sleep: my job.
so, i wrote my bosses and let them know i was doing three jobs that took all my time and until i had the baby in june i only wanted and could only do one (plus be the mom- which as we all know is a full-time job if you do it right) and that they could choose what that one job was so as to make things work best for them and i would be happy to do that one job until june 5th when i had baby child no.2.
well they chose and now i am happy to say that all day i get to be ambrose's mom and nothing else and at night when he goes to bed i get to do billing so i can help my family some more so we can reach our future goals.
i am excited. i feel lighter, listened to, respected, happier, and like progress is happening. i have so enjoyed long days of being ambrose's mom and nothing else. not a supervisor, not a listener of complaints or problems, not a last minute problem solver, not a driver all over the island while my baby sits in a car seat, not a stressed out mess.
i said it before, but i know we dont live in easy times. i think you know it too. if i (you, anyone) has a child, it is my (yours, anyone who has a child's) job to make sure i have given my all to that person. otherwise, i (you, that person) have no business having a child. that is my strong opinion. i dont want to hurt anyone's feelings with it, but there it is. maybe this is my lesson to learn this time, but i hope i never stop stepping back, looking at my life, and finding ways that i can be a little better and do a little more. heavenly father has trusted me with this happy, strong-willed, silly, smart, energized, and beautiful child and i want to show him my gratitude by doing everything i can to help him be the person he was sent here to be. i can do this. if you are a parent- you can too. let's not ever get distracted from that because nothing is more important.
not everyone can cut work out, i know that. not everyone can make the same choice i did- these are really tough times we live in. i can name a handful of mothers i love who get up everyday and work hard at jobs they may not even like for their families because that is what will help their family the most right now and bravo to them. they work extra hard in other ways and they do it all for their families. but no matter what you do, everyone can also make it their goal to be a little better and find the things in our lives that needlessly take time away from making sure we are the very best for our kids. that is what i am happy to focus on this week and for the rest of my life.
because he is mine, i grew him, i had him, i am his mother and i love it.