13 November 2008

nothing is more important to me

today i am so thankful to be a mother who has more time for her son.

last weekend i struggled. thomas was gone, and need i remind you of all the self-pity that was going on since i was sick, and sick, and felt over-worked at my job for NSMH and it was all up to me (the mom) to keep things rolling. if it was the motherhood olympics, let's just say i didnt even come close to winning a medal. i complained (you heard it here and maybe elsewhere), i cried, i gave up a couple of times, and i questioned myself a lot.

it's amazing what a little good health and having your partner in crime back can do to your mothering skills and attitude about being the one who keeps things rolling. but i'd like to think that if i had the weekend to do over, a little planning and cheerful attitude would have made things much different. hindsight really is 20/20 i guess.

but let me tell you something, i did get some perspective and in that way the weekend wasn't a complete black mark in my story as a mom. i realized that things happen and you have to evaluate them and let some things go-- since none of us can do it all. what is most important? my family. if i had the choice would i chose some career or hobby over being the mom? i wouldn't rather spend my time any other way. what is getting in my way time and time again?

if you read this blog at all you could probably answer this question in your sleep: my job.

so, i wrote my bosses and let them know i was doing three jobs that took all my time and until i had the baby in june i only wanted and could only do one (plus be the mom- which as we all know is a full-time job if you do it right) and that they could choose what that one job was so as to make things work best for them and i would be happy to do that one job until june 5th when i had baby child no.2.

well they chose and now i am happy to say that all day i get to be ambrose's mom and nothing else and at night when he goes to bed i get to do billing so i can help my family some more so we can reach our future goals.

i am excited. i feel lighter, listened to, respected, happier, and like progress is happening. i have so enjoyed long days of being ambrose's mom and nothing else. not a supervisor, not a listener of complaints or problems, not a last minute problem solver, not a driver all over the island while my baby sits in a car seat, not a stressed out mess.

i said it before, but i know we dont live in easy times. i think you know it too. if i (you, anyone) has a child, it is my (yours, anyone who has a child's) job to make sure i have given my all to that person. otherwise, i (you, that person) have no business having a child. that is my strong opinion. i dont want to hurt anyone's feelings with it, but there it is. maybe this is my lesson to learn this time, but i hope i never stop stepping back, looking at my life, and finding ways that i can be a little better and do a little more. heavenly father has trusted me with this happy, strong-willed, silly, smart, energized, and beautiful child and i want to show him my gratitude by doing everything i can to help him be the person he was sent here to be. i can do this. if you are a parent- you can too. let's not ever get distracted from that because nothing is more important.
not everyone can cut work out, i know that. not everyone can make the same choice i did- these are really tough times we live in. i can name a handful of mothers i love who get up everyday and work hard at jobs they may not even like for their families because that is what will help their family the most right now and bravo to them. they work extra hard in other ways and they do it all for their families. but no matter what you do, everyone can also make it their goal to be a little better and find the things in our lives that needlessly take time away from making sure we are the very best for our kids. that is what i am happy to focus on this week and for the rest of my life.
because he is mine, i grew him, i had him, i am his mother and i love it.

19 comments:

echo said...

you are a great person/friend/mother.

melissa said...

things are so topsy turvy: i can't find a job FOR THE LIFE OF ME that pays more than 8 dollars/hr and wants me more than part time. and i think THIS IS MY TIME TO DO THIS (work). and you have your employer banging down your door, wanting you to work more and earn more, and you think THIS IS NOT MY TIME TO DO THIS.

anyway, keep up the good work, even though things are confusing.

J and Christy Brown family said...

Inspiring.

The Dillinghams said...

I love reading your blog Steph. You always say everything so perfectly. Thanks for sharing...and for reminding me to stop cleaning, packing, cooking, blah blah blah and spend time with my kids.

Brady and Rachel said...

Congrats on the one job instead of three. That will hopefully make life more enjoyable/bearable/easier/happier, etc. Hope you are feeling LOTS better.

Life with the Rich's said...

yey for the job of a mother! I know how you feel. - nothing feels better than working with and helping your own offspring. It has the best paycheck value. Great that you can manage both better!

Our Blog Spot said...

Oh I loved this post!

Sofia Deyanira said...

You go girl! I admire your decision, even if it means a tighter budget. If you can be a mother and give it your all, do it.

I can imagine the sense of relief, not that mothering is going to get easier, but your sense of peace and potential will be greater.

I cannot wait to graduate in a few terms and take time off until the kids are in school, then go back later on. And although managing apartments has its days, it is helping our family out more than I can attribute to.

May we find peace and nurturing for ourselves and our families.

The Prigmore Family said...

I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU. WAAAAAY happier for you than anyone else. And the day you bill your last bill will be a joyous one indeed. I will be the happiest for you then too.

Melissa said...

good job for standing up for yourself! Ambrose is a lucky boy indeed.

darcie said...

painfully sweet and true. and can you stop killing me with those pictures?! the next baby is going to be so sad he/she isn't in them. the first one is especially especial because of the strong resemblance between daddy and son.

In.A.Nutshell said...

"steph the wonderful". thanks for your example. thanks for your friendship and spunk (even went you aren't feeling all too spunky). i think amby is a lucky bug. you are such an extraordinary mother ... really mean it - not lip service. i'll have you know i've heard people compliment your mothering behind your back - it's true. what a wise and brave decision you've made.

thanks for the reminder. these little ones are such a gift.

modestmuse said...

Glad you were able to ask for and get what you needed! Good luck with the billing till you're done with that, too. June 5?! I'm counting down. I used to have a theory that every successive kid a couple has is cuter than the previous one, but that leaves my theory unproven with the impossibility of a child being cuter than Ambrose.

liko said...

good for you! i'm glad you stood up for yourself, and that you narrowed it down to ONE job with NSMH. you have been doing a lot, and you are a mother and pregnant. that's a pretty full plate. and wife. that's an OVERFLOWING plate, and you take it all in stride.

martin said...

oh i'm so happy for you. ok ok, i admit, i wanted to hear you made a complete and total clean break because i know how much you hate billing! but it is clear you're doing what you feel is right for you and your family (as you so eloquently wrote), and that is a beautiful thing. you do know you are a wonderful mother don't you? just in case, stephanie, you are a wonderful mother. and not just wonderful, inspiring too.

martin said...

martin, diana, same dif

Carrie said...

I was wondering with my sister today if I would be as smitten with you in real life as I am in blogland. And I think this really sealed the deal. You are such an inspiring person that I don't think I could help being smitten with you in real life.

You inspire me so very much just from blog posts, and the love you have for your family makes me love them too. And you know what? It reminds me to be in love with my own family even more. You are doing a good thing.

Carrie said...

Is it weird that I talked about you to my sister? I swear it was short, and we were talking about friends so it was relevant.

:)

Stephanie J. Robertson said...

haha! not weird, totally flattering and wonderful. i love it!