sometimes, around holidays, or times of uncertainty i ache a little for the familiar, which is funny since i felt like hawaii was home the second i moved here. i felt out of place in bakersfield and definitely out of place in rexburg, but hawaii was somewhere where i could be me and not try to be any other expectation. anyway, having said that, i guess in this time of uncertainty for our little family i am homesick for familiar faces and a little tired of my rugged neighborhood where we currently reside, but happy if i am with my thomas and my ambrose and doing what i think we are supposed to be doing.
as we trust in the lord and hold to his light we can be secure in the knowledge that all times of uncertainty and the unfamiliar is but for a short while. i am happy to be whatever or whomever i need to be, even if i need to be nothing but content for a while. we have each other, we have our health, we have our testimonies, and we will find our way no matter what.
this song by sundowner has always been a favorite of mine. it kind of explains my complex relationship with homesickness and feeling trapped in hawaii... it could be worse right? :) it's called "my self portrait," i couldnt think of a better title... they must have written it for me :)
I tie my shoes-leave the house,
board the train and keep on moving.
My thoughts are thickening.
Trees fill me like you're whispering,
"The night is fading." Hey there friend.
I think we had a lot in common.
The feeling is dead.
Maybe it's just lost and needs to be found again.
Just keep on moving.
A manic walk-It's just the panic talking.
So keep on breathing. Don't stop creating.
I stared and studied the structure of your face.
To feel connections, some form of deeper meaning.
My skin will crawl and in the morning it will fade a little.
I can't find a home. I'm a stranger in this city now.
Tonight I think she might be losing me.
Tonight I know she'll never set me free.
I feel nothing. I want nothing. I am nothing.
it's such a beautiful song, a real favorite, couldnt get it up on here so go here if you want to hear for yourself. you wont be sorry. just press play in the right hand corner of the screen and enjoy (hopefully it will let your hear more than a few seconds... if not, def. worth the iTunes download).