they've been my favorite since i saw them in january 2004

and at the rate things are going... I don't foresee that "favorite status" changing anytime soon. Not at all. Enjoy.

i had to share

I have been feeling so good lately.

In our home.
Kids healthy at last.
Work is so fun.
Home all day with the kids living it up- beaching a lot too!
Good friends and family to call my own.
Thomas starting exciting new ventures in his career that he SO DESERVES.

It feels like the light at the end of the tunnel is radiating brilliantly all around us!

I think it is really important to stand still. Take a deep breath. And recognize how good we have it every once in a while.

It is so easy for me to complain or worry. But luckily I tend to hope no matter what and I know that is because I have faith in my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ.

I know that they know me personally and they care about me. I know it. I feel my eyes brimming with tears and a whispered confirmation as I type that.

I love this Christian song (JJ Heller Your Hands) I stumbled upon a while back when I was really struggling. It was a perfect expression of my testimony at the time. So beautiful.

Anyway, tonight I was preparing my lesson for the zany 11 year olds Thomas and I teach and these quotes made my soul smile and my heart beat with joy. I just had to share!

by Virginia H. Pearce:

“• Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live, and they are in charge of this world.

“• They know me.

“• They love me.

“• They have a plan for my future.

“• I will obey the commandments, work hard, and trust in their plan. Sooner or later, everything will be okay” (“Faith Is the Answer,” Ensign, May 1994, p. 92).


from President Gordon B. Hinckley:

“Every one of you was endowed by your Father in Heaven with a tremendous capacity to do good in the world. Train your minds and your hands that you may be equipped to serve well in the society of which you are a part. Cultivate the art of being kind, of being thoughtful, of being helpful. Refine within you the quality of mercy which comes as a part of the divine attributes you have inherited” (“The Light within You,” Ensign, May 1995, p. 99).

(photo credit the one and only natalie norton!)

Sooner or later everything has become more than OK for us and I know we have a long way to go, but I am enjoying where we are and what we have to look forward to and feeling grateful for what we have done. The support of family is wonderful too. We love our parents and siblings! We love our extended families and good friends! We love the Lord. Life is progressing. Hope all is well with you and if it is not- hold on with a perfect brightness of hope!

The Lord knows you. He loves you so much too. Great things ahead if we all do our part! How exciting.

mainland trip booked

woohoo!!

july 22-aug 12

we will be in: vegas, utah, new port beach, and bakersfield... you know, the major US cities.

did i mention disneyland?

and yan photography?

etc etc etc???

see you then friends and family!

here's my "happy mama song" as amby calls it to celebrate!

false alarm?

i thought maybe just maybe i was gonna have a baby last night so i didnt worry too much about writing my entry for oliofolio.... but here we are this morning and there is no baby and everything seems as it was before.


so i quickly wrote this right now in explanation of what happened and i like it. it's not anything that would be published anywhere, but it is now a page in our story.

and who doesnt love a little flight of the concords anyway?

happy sabbath

i thought this was just a mormon song, i guess not. i love it.

all quiet on the robertson front

except for it's a little chaotic.
i've always liked this song but it seems particularly applicable these days. doesnt everyone go through a time in their life when this song makes sense? ha. :)
anyway, a year ago we moved into the perfect little place for us. sure, the neighbors were a bit noisy and ghetto, but the place was awesome. perfect size, great style, terrific landlords, dreamy stainless steel kitchen appliances...etc. and things looked bright for our little family. we were working, making a good living and out on our own as our own little family unit. now, as with many other families across america, we find ourselves having to redefine our goals, be flexible with our dreams and move on to a new plan that makes sense for the reality that is right now. i know that things will get better and so we are picking up the pieces and moving on- back to laie in fact (it could be worse right?). for those that dont already know, my in-laws have retired and are going on a three month mainland road trip and we get to house sit. when they get back, the apartment on top of their house that we used to live in is being renovated from a studio to a two-bedroom and we are delighted to be their first tenants. plans are still being made, but it looks pretty final.

i am relieved that we have such an attractive plan b to fall back on. i am a little sad that we needed a plan b to fall back on in the first place. it is hard to have a bright, happy, successful future in front of you and have it kinda snatched up, but we are working on licensing and moving forward. things will be bright and happy again- they are just a little murky for now. i'm proud of thomas for persevering and keeping his chin up even when it would be easy to quit. i dont think i would be strong enough to stick with it. he's a good man.

so, that among many other things is what's going on. our little house is partially moved and we are in transition. i feel a little shaky but it's a good life lesson. dont get too comfortable and stuck in your ways. things could change and you need to be ready to change with it. we are grateful that in spite of things falling apart- they seem to be coming together in a way we would have never thought of otherwise.

let's all join hippie hands and sway together

this is my theme song these days. sorry i couldnt find you a better recording. i love wilco. so much. download the real version of this (sky blue sky is an amazing album for that matter- great american writing at it's best and so dreamy) and get swept away.

"What Light"

If you feel like singing a song
And you want other people to sing along
Just sing what you feel
Don't let anyone say it's wrong

And if you're trying to paint a picture
But you're not sure which colors belong
Just paint what you see
Don't let anyone say it's wrong

And if you're strung out like a kite
Or stung awake in the night
It's alright to be frightened

When there's a light (what light)
There's a light (one light)
There's a light (white light)
Inside of you

If you think you might need somebody
To pick you up when you drag
Don't loose sight of yourself
Don't let anyone change your bag

And if the whole world's singing your songs
And all of your paintings have been hung
Just remember what was yours is everyone's from now on

And that's not wrong or right
But you can struggle with it all you like
You'll only get uptight

Because there's a light (what light)
There's a light (one light)
There's a light (white light)
There's a light (what light)
There's a light (one light)
There's a light (white light)
There's a light (what light)
There's a light (one light)
There's a light (white light)
There's a light (what light)
There's a light (one light)
There's a light (white light)
Inside of you

that's all i had in mind

it's nice to check in with everyone and be connected with you all.

i think we are off on a photo adventure in a little bit here. dont worry (you werent really worried though were you? were you??)- you'll be involved shortly... stay tuned!

here, listen to one of the best radiohead songs of all time. turn it up real loud and let that deep, massive guitar pulse through your veins. seriously, loud, LOUD! loud is always best.

i really like: a lot of things, but these come to mind right now

our song

Susie Ghahremani's art found here

my babys cheeks

a juicy, cold pink grapefruit (especially when i'm pregnant)

radiohead

polka dots - always have always will...

talking to my sisters on the phone

lots and lots of little planners and notebooks

red lipstick and short red nails (not long nails- real or fake... just cuz im a germ-a-phobe! these ones are even a little long for my taste... but you get the idea.)

these colors and these dishes for that matter

snail mail

my forever

the colors and the general look of old maps- i am starting a collection of them so i can wallpaper a wall in my kids room with these beautiful images one day

optimism

organization in general

movies that i could watch over and over (and often do)








houndstooth fabric... if i have a girl next (and i find out thursday) i will make her a simple dress out of black and white houndstooth, mark my words :)

mates of state

thai food (curry curry curry)

a good book- classic or contemporary

a night out or in with my man

here's what we have been dealing with and what we know

sorry if i have kept some of you guessing. my cousin and family and some friends have been asking me about thomas' job.

we found out on thanksgiving day that the state cut most of the funding for his program due to this fabulous economy that we all get to be a part of nowadays. this would mean that the clients we service will no longer be getting the time and attention they obviously need, that about half the case managers at nsmh will be let go this holiday season, and that the job that will be available to those who get to stay on is going to be hard, stressful, and probably pay less.

i know my boss is not looking forward to letting people go, the clients are not happy about this, and we have been very worried and unhappy about this.

we were supposed to find out by monday the 15th whether we had made the cut or not. we feel like we might be ok since thomas is a hard worker, with a masters degree, who has been with nsmh for a long time in various capacities. but... there are quite a few people in the same exact boat and they can only keep so many... so we are ready to face what ever comes our way: a job that is harder and pays less, but is nevertheless a job or no job and moving on to something else.

it has been kind of sad from time to time around these parts and for some pregnant reason i am tearing up as i type this just because we have been through so many different emotions lately, BUT: we have each other, we have our health, we have our faith that everything will work out as it should no matter what, we have our testimonies, we have so much support through friends and family here and across an ocean... we have it good all things considered.

and we will let you know as soon as we know more. thank you so much for being so wonderful. we love you.

since i live my life through music, here is a song (in a fan made video) that amazingly describes exactly everything i feel about this whole situation (give it time to load if it needs to- it's worth the wait) i love modest mouse and HOW ON EARTH do they know me so personally... kinda scary. anyway, turn it up loud and enjoy. :)

me & t

press play and then read-on, it'll enhance your reading experience :)

today thomas came home a little early from work while bubba was still napping and i was working like a mad woman on my last stack of billing in this never-ending hell of inputing data this month...

he leisurely tossed himself on the couch and proclaimed, "well, i'm just gonna do a little light reading..." in kind of a sassy tone.

i looked back his way with a little irritation since i was obviously at the end of a very long road and was feeling somewhat haggard.

"oh really, and what is that you're reading over there?"

"oh nothing," he says nonchalantly with a sly grin.

i squint my eyes because of course i am not wearing my glasses or contacts (of course!) and see the words "bernina" on top of a pamphlet of machines that look like this:
"dont toy with my emotions thomas robertson!!" i yell like a child who has just been teased by her big brother or something.

"what?" he asks innocently, "i went by to check things out... talked to a lady who told me all about the activa 220... looks pretty cool..." (that's the one i want!)

so, i curled up next to him on the couch and with one arm around me, and one arm holding the brochure up we browsed all the features of each machine over and over. i was giddy. i've never been so excited to possibly, maybe get something on dec. 25th since christmas of 1991 when i received not only the ez bake oven, but baby alive as well.

so.... we will see.... we will wait and see...

then later, just as i fried one side of the southwest egg rolls i made for dinner tonight (thank you for the recipe echo) the power went out.

we ate half fried southwest egg rolls, not bad.

and then we were a little frenzied... what do we do with ourselves all night? no internet, no dvds, no tv, no lights...

so, we lit a few candles, armed ourselves with the camera on it's tripod, a few flashlights and some balls from ambrose's collection. we came up with these delights (one of which i look crazy/high/tired in... but i liked bubba's silly grin):






after the picture taking, we strategically set up the flashlights around the room and thomas got out his ukulele. we sang songs to ambrose as he sat on my lap and ate his very random dinner from the cupboard and then we just talked and laughed as a family.

"this is so simple and wholesome," said thomas, "i like it."

"i really really like it too," i agreed (as ambrose babbled to us and we pretended to understand).

as i was singing and thomas was playing and singing ambrose would nuzzle me and cuddle up and sing along in his language too. it isnt the first time we have had experiences like this, but it just felt so pure and uninterrupted.

then about half an hour later the power came back on and we bathed the boy, put him to bed and continued our latest crazy ritual of blowing up the air mattress to watch movies on.

we watched miracle on 34th (or is it 24th?) street in our front room with hot chocolate. i dont know why we love blowing up the mattress so much, but we just do. it feels like we are having some sort of holiday or something, it's just fun.

we laid there making fun of the cheesy parts in the movie, enjoying the classic parts and being together.
thomas would make fun of something and i would shoot an unappreciative glare at him and he would say, "what? i like this part. this is how im enjoying it..." and i would believe him and go back to enjoying it in my way (silently... like a normal person) until it was my turn to make fun of something and have him shoot me a mock unappreciative glare... ah, young love.

sorry this has turned out to be so long, but i just didnt want to forget today. i re-learned a lot about the joy of family and how if we have each other, we dont need much else (not even a bernina activa 220... although that would be nice).

not depressed, just homesick

sometimes, around holidays, or times of uncertainty i ache a little for the familiar, which is funny since i felt like hawaii was home the second i moved here. i felt out of place in bakersfield and definitely out of place in rexburg, but hawaii was somewhere where i could be me and not try to be any other expectation. anyway, having said that, i guess in this time of uncertainty for our little family i am homesick for familiar faces and a little tired of my rugged neighborhood where we currently reside, but happy if i am with my thomas and my ambrose and doing what i think we are supposed to be doing.

as we trust in the lord and hold to his light we can be secure in the knowledge that all times of uncertainty and the unfamiliar is but for a short while. i am happy to be whatever or whomever i need to be, even if i need to be nothing but content for a while. we have each other, we have our health, we have our testimonies, and we will find our way no matter what.

this song by sundowner has always been a favorite of mine. it kind of explains my complex relationship with homesickness and feeling trapped in hawaii... it could be worse right? :) it's called "my self portrait," i couldnt think of a better title... they must have written it for me :)

I tie my shoes-leave the house,
board the train and keep on moving.
My thoughts are thickening.
Trees fill me like you're whispering,
"The night is fading." Hey there friend.
I think we had a lot in common.
The feeling is dead.
Maybe it's just lost and needs to be found again.
Just keep on moving.
A manic walk-It's just the panic talking.
So keep on breathing. Don't stop creating.
I stared and studied the structure of your face.
To feel connections, some form of deeper meaning.
My skin will crawl and in the morning it will fade a little.
I can't find a home. I'm a stranger in this city now.
Tonight I think she might be losing me.
Tonight I know she'll never set me free.
I feel nothing. I want nothing. I am nothing.

it's such a beautiful song, a real favorite, couldnt get it up on here so go here if you want to hear for yourself. you wont be sorry. just press play in the right hand corner of the screen and enjoy (hopefully it will let your hear more than a few seconds... if not, def. worth the iTunes download).

i saw myself naked recently

you should try stealing a glance next time you're about to get in the shower... there's no escaping that truth in all it's glory...

so i went for the first run i've been on in about five months this morning...

"but stephanie, today marks the third month of your pregnancy... you're only 14 weeks pregnant... what about the other two months of slothful inactivity??"

my answer: laziness and also five months ago is about when i took over all the supervisions... so stress and exhaustion in general. (all lame excuses really, but there they are)

i did pretty good. i didnt jog the whole length, but we did our old route and made it all the way without dying. the jogging stroller has seen better days though. time for t-rob to take over his manly responsibilities and fix it up for me: flat tires, hood broken on one side, sludgy mud on random areas, and generally nasty from non-use.

oh yeah, and if you're the thief who stole my iPod shuffle, kindly replace it. it is awkward to run with a regular iPod whilst pushing a chunky toddler in an awkward jogging stroller... i felt like i was trying to pat my head and rub my tummy at the same time for the duration of the jog. plus, the big iPod only has thomas music on it, which i normally like, but my shuffle had some really embarrassing songs on it that got my energy up every time. i need it. i wont judge you, just put it back where you found it... in my car i guess. oh, the iPod thief is an illiterate scumbag who cant read this pardon i am so graciously extending his or her way? oh well. someone let him/her know. thanks.

hooray for the second trimester! my energy really is beginning to restore itself and it's time to act! we dont want to see this lovable beast again do we? (yes, this picture is from last pregnancy) i know better this second time around... it's fun to eat a mcflurry or two everyday, but not actually good for your body or baby. i'm not kidding myself this time. :)

these guys are always so great

the economy is getting me down lately. so, until that is all figured out and resolved we have to do something else besides worry and this is what we did tonight: visited our old pals jermaine and bret! just watch it- the whole thing. you might die laughing. maybe you might. i did. good night.


this is from their act they take on the road. their show is hilarious... not for all audiences, but hilarious. enjoy.

thankful for the end (because now we get to eat) and for YOU!

here's a photo merge of ten photos thomas took of our empty fridge... guess i better hurry out to the grocery store so i can make all my stuff for tomorrow.

today i am thankful for this month since i have had so much fun coming up with things to be thankful for everyday. i think i will end the consecutive love fest here and just enjoy the long holiday weekend, but thank you for being a part of it. i really had fun coming up with things and hearing what you think about them too. your friendship and input is so great and makes me feel good. so i am thankful for you as well!

everybody go eat some good turkey or tofurkey (turkey-shaped tofu that i plan on trying one day since i am a tofu lover and a fair weather friend of meat)

and i'll leave you with this AWESOME awesome look into the life of my very favorite band (Mates of State) and their life on the road with their two children. go here and click where they tell you to see a story that was done on their lovely family life on tour i cant seem to ever get enough of these people or their songs! their music is my soul in song form.

a holiday with an anthropologie poem

today i am thankful for days off. i havent worked much lately anyway, but i didnt feel like taking ambrose to preschool today and was happy to realize that i didnt have to feel guilty about it since it's a holiday and there was no school anyway! yahoo- it's like a snow day.

the promise of snow (well, ok not here, but just close your eyes and imagine it)
the scent of trees
a feeling so magical
Christmas Glee!
-the anthropologie website is feeding my christmas obsession!

and speaking of snow: i miss cold weather clothes. sometimes it is nice to live an endless summer, but sometimes it's kind of boring.

wouldn't it be fun to put on one of these right about now without sweating your face off?



some of us around here try to just pretend it's cold enough to warrant something wintry every so often and then end up carrying a coat around all night. well, maybe someday i'll live somewhere with drastically changing seasons and when that day comes i can complain that it is way too cold and say, "remember when i used to live in paradise??"
oh, and speaking of cool clothes- check this guy out- i want his shoes and his moves!
i really love this song that my friend ashley clued me into by coconut records and someone put it up on youtube with a pretty awesome and unique skateboarding video. no, seriously, it is crazy and cool and amazing to me. enjoy!

Take you to the forest, let you feel the rain drops falling down

"Write in your heart that everyday is the best day of the year." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
the boy is 95% better today. i think going to the beach yesterday with our friends did the trick. it's the last day of september- soak it up. tomorrow it's time to scramble around and work again. we are in our pajamas, coloring, bouncing balls around the house, reading books, planning what we want to bake, enjoying the rainy day, singing songs, cuddling up and dancing to this song: